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My mother in law passed away and two of her five siblings had a foot stone with a message and their names installed. Were they overstepping?

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Asked by sully152 at 9:47 PM on May. 30, 2011 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 2 (7 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • Overstepping whom?

    Answer by myownhappiness at 9:48 PM on May. 30, 2011

  • People grieve in different ways. This was a huge loss for them all. There is no right or wrong when it comes to things like this. It is better to focus on the love and support that family and extended family brings into our lives.

    Answer by LeJane at 9:52 PM on May. 30, 2011

  • Honestly as SIBLINGS and not children of - I think so. But this is my personal opinion and the siblings shouldn't have legally be able to do anything that the executor of the estate didn't approve when it came to the grave site.

    Answer by twinsplus2more at 11:24 PM on May. 30, 2011

  • Technically, yes, if they don't own the grave they have no right to put anything permanent on it. But maybe it is a "family" plot and technically they do own it because the stone setter should have gotten clearence from the cemetery director.  Whose name is the deed in? Is your husband in charge? Is his father still alive?


    Answer by LoveMyDog at 8:12 AM on May. 31, 2011

  • Not IMO. When my dad died he was buried in the family plot and his mother and siblings took over, planned the funeral and had his name added to the headstone. I did nothing but go to the wake and greet people and then went to the funeral and greeted more people. I was 33 when he died.

    Answer by tracylynnr67 at 2:03 AM on Jun. 1, 2011

  • If the two siblings put for example "Beloved sister of Ethel and Jane" while not mentioning Tom, Dick and Harry as a slap in the face to Tom, Dick and Harry and a way to say we loved her more than you did, then, yes they overstepped and are off in rudenessland. I can't imagine a reason to put their own names on their sibling's footstone. A nice message I can see, but they should still be asking permission from the official next of kin, plot owner or executor. it is just a matter of respect.


    Answer by LoveMyDog at 10:42 AM on Jun. 1, 2011

  • Yes, people grieve in different ways, but there is such a thing as a grief-zilla. And nobody wants to put up with that! Everyone should respect that everyone else is also grieving. It shouldn't turn into an "I miss her more" or "She loved me more" contest among the family. Maybe I'm just projecting what I've been through recently, but I've seen people behave very badly and can see how this could be a huge issue. I can see how it could also be a little miscommunication, maybe, if all five names were included and they just forgot to run it by somebody first.

    Answer by LoveMyDog at 10:50 AM on Jun. 1, 2011

  • If it were the headstone, I'd say "yes" , right off. I feel that is for their children. A footstone, why not? They are siblings and obviously loved her and it means something to them to memorialize her and that's what they came up with. I wouldn't be offended if it were my mother or father. I would be glad it shows how many ppl loved her/them. JMO

    Answer by KellyGirl_TX at 12:51 PM on Jun. 4, 2011

  • Did they even ask the others if they wanted to contribute? I think that sucks really unless the others said the didn't want to go in.

    Answer by itsmesteph11 at 9:38 PM on Jun. 4, 2011

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