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Arguement w BF has left me dazed and confused....

My BF and I arre both 45 and single parents. We have been together 4 months. We fell quick and have traveled a lot together in our short time. But what is happening is we do not spend one on one time together. He always has to have friends over or we go out with his friends. Ii got a sitter saturday for our date night, which he changed last minute and invited his friends over for a BBQ. We fought all night. I told him I'm starting to feel like just a buddy to him. He calls me evry day and always texts me. Today he sent me a text as if I was a buddy. It made me mad so I told him I needed to cancel our plans tonight. That was at noon. I called him @ 9 to say good night and no answer. I text him @ 10 to tell him I was worried. Still no reply. He says he hates drama. But he is provoking it. He says I need to compromise, yet that is all I do. I truly love him and I am utterly sick. I have no problems w him hanging out w his friends... But he should at least give me a one on one date night once a month! Am I over reacting? Is my request unreasonable? Thanks for any feedback!

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 1:53 AM on May. 31, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (5)
  • You seem to me to be over-reacting. Perhaps he has been hurt and feels safer taking it slow and being with his friends. Are his friends nice to you and accepting of you? If he hates drama fighting all night is likely to drive him away.

    Answer by blackisbetter at 2:27 AM on May. 31, 2011

  • Thank you for your honest opinion. I'm not sure how he can want to take it slow when he has taken me on 5 vacations in 4 months, took me to AZ to meet his family, tells me (and his friends) he is going to marry me etc... I do agree that maybe his friends are his comfort zone and he just likes to be with them. If that's the case and he is looking more for a friend to hang out with instead of a GF, then he should be honest and just say that. At 45 years of age, we know what we want and don't want. He expects me to communicate w him but when I do, he doesn't like what I say. I forgot to mention, I'm sure he knew I would be upset that he dropped this BBQ on our date night, so he just so happened to whisk me away for 1 1/2 hours to take me to get a massage while his friends partied at his house. Nice gesture, but all I wanted was alone time with him. As for his friends, the guys love me... The girls seem to not be so welcoming

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 2:41 AM on May. 31, 2011

  • But I get along with everyone and attempt to make conversation and go towards them. Life is drama, its how you deal w it on if you are going to be successful in life, work, love etc... My heart hurts and if it is over he at least owes it to me to tell me. Not knowing anything is killing me. Thank you again for your reply!

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 2:45 AM on May. 31, 2011

  • Even at 45 men can be immature. Both my husband and me are 56 and he's still immature in ways. That'll never change. Lay it on the line for him. Having a date night is a good idea; we are encouraging and babysitting for my son and his wife so they could plan a date night at least once every couple of weeks/ even once a week. You need to communicate all your feelings to him and then if he chooses to ignore them and continues to invite his friends on "your" night, let him do it alone. Leave the "party" or enjoy a message if he pays for one, and don't call. See how he likes or how he reacts to your absence. You can't control what he does, but you can control how you react to his actions. I learned this from my psychologist and I live by it. Put yourself first and if he doesn't "get it" or refuses to accept it, it's his loss. At our ages, we need to move forward not backward to embrace "we're getting better, not older!"

    Answer by rosiemendo at 8:35 AM on May. 31, 2011

  • I have communicated and he said he knows for next time. But what is really upsetting is this is the first time he has never returned my calls or texts. He calls me multiple times a day and texts all day! So now I'm more worried that something has happened. He has told me before in other relationships, when it becomes too much he just runs. So I don't know if that is what he is doing and just shutting down. I don't want to control anything, he is who he is. And if he can't or doesn't want to give me one on one time and he tells me that, then I will have to make the decision if that is who I want to be with! Thank you!

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 8:47 AM on May. 31, 2011

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