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2 Bumps

How do I learn to trust my husband who works 24 hour shifts?

Partner is male.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:47 AM on May. 31, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • If you don't have trust you have nothing at all.
    ashlrenee

    Answer by ashlrenee at 3:49 AM on May. 31, 2011

  • Has he ever given you a reason not to trust?
    Bubbie0809

    Answer by Bubbie0809 at 3:55 AM on May. 31, 2011

  • He had an emotional affair about 10 years ago. I forgave that but it has affected my ability to trust him fully.
    Don't know why I am having suspicions. We are closer than we have ever been in 20 years of marriage. Anyone out there ever fabricate a story in your mind until you were convinced it was true?
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 3:58 AM on May. 31, 2011

  • I have never had a reason to think he is bi or gay. I have just had this feeling that is too complicated to go into.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 4:00 AM on May. 31, 2011

  • No. An old friend he knew before we were married. She would call every 6 weeks or so to complain about her bad marriage. I had him ask her to stop calling. 7 or 8 years later she moved back to town and they reconnected. He started talking to her about problems we were having instead of talking to me. When I found out he stopped and we worked things out.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 4:30 AM on May. 31, 2011

  • Maybe you should talk to him about the way you feel. Your trust is damaged and if he's not giving you any reason to be worried except this new schedule, then just be honest. He's really the only person that can help you out here. If it makes you feel any better I worked EMS doing 24 hour shifts and although half the wives were insecure about their DH's shiftwork, never once did I witness any reason for them to feel that way.

    Also, a schedule will not make or prevent any man from cheating.
    Ashes0813

    Answer by Ashes0813 at 5:15 AM on May. 31, 2011

  • I agree with Ashes. You've got to talk to him. If you can't do it on your own, try counseling.
    And yes, I've worked shift work almost my entire adult life. Rarely have I seen any cause for lack of trust.
    MedicMommy

    Answer by MedicMommy at 5:33 AM on May. 31, 2011

  • Shouldn't you have learned to trust him before getting married? Did he cheat or something?
    notjstasocermom

    Answer by notjstasocermom at 8:40 AM on May. 31, 2011

  • Thanks for your input. The most helpful answers were those about shift work. He and I have talked a great deal about my distrust. I trusted him when we got married. His "cheating" came at a time when we had 4 small children and things were very stressful at home. He needed someone to talk to and chose the wrong person. He admitted a long time after it happened that "no good would have come from the situation." His schedule is not new just my insecurity. He has done shift work our entire marriage. Over the years I have felt insecure when he had female partners but he has always encouraged me to visit, come have dinner with the kids, etc. He works too far away now to just pop in whenever I feel like it. He wants to go to counseling and I think that may be the answer. He is very open about where he is and what he is doing at all times and always wants to be home on his off days. I am making something out of nothing.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 9:31 AM on May. 31, 2011

  • Ugh, sometimes we can be our worst enemy! When I woked out of the home I used to think my man was cheating. It wasn't until I had a baby and stayed at home he started cheating! I would say, go to therapy.
    emmyandlisa

    Answer by emmyandlisa at 9:39 AM on May. 31, 2011

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