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Why can't it just be easy?

My SO was being all quite last night I asked him to tell me what was wrong...he said I really didn't want to now,but I told him to tell me anyways...He told me he feels like he doesn't belong here,like this isn't his life like he shouldn't have to struggle to support 2 families when he can just go back to his ex and be happy over there...but he's not happy over there when he was with her and he said that...he tried going back with her and it didn't work...and he is happy with me and he thinks it's just something he's going through,but he also told me some mornings he wakes up sooo happy to be with me and other mornings he wakes up and goes and cries in the closet...he wants his old life back...his family back...but he want to be with me and he's happy with me...he is friends with his ex...I think alot of the problem...it;s hard to let go when your still in each others lives...he left her btw...I'm just as confused as he is...I told him I know he goes over there and gets whatever he needs from her..they don;t have sex and they are not affectionate...but he gets his family need fulfilled and I'm okay with that...he doesn't have that with me and I give him tings she doesn't I joke and ask him how my sister wife is all the time...I'm fine with it things were good...he was spending some time there then coming home and things were fine...now he goes over there comes home and doesn't talk to me...he feel like he comes home to my kids when he should be going home to his...okay I understand it;s hard not being around your kids all the time...I just don;t know what to do...part of me would rather share him emotionally with her and have him when I need him and part of me is like WTF!! if you can't decide what you want let me decide for you and leave. again I'm as okay with sharing him as I can be things were good everyone was happy...until he decided he's not happy. I know most of you will say leave...but it's not that easy...think about it think about the man your in love with and think about how easy it would be to just walk away from it.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 8:19 AM on May. 31, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (12)
  • You are on the path of a long road of heartache and worry. Try couples therapy and it sounds as if he has his own issues. Question is, do you want to live the rest of your life like this? Life is too short!
    dys-shattered

    Answer by dys-shattered at 8:26 AM on May. 31, 2011

  • Wow!! That is a difficult situation.I can understand what he is going through.Maybe he can spend time with his kids out of the ex's house.That is what is messing with his emotions.Does he get to have the kids at your house? Family time with his kids,himself.you & your kids might be the trick.It's nice that he & his ex get along but they shouldn't spend quality time together.Good luck!!
    robin2708

    Answer by robin2708 at 8:31 AM on May. 31, 2011

  • Sounds to me he will be going back to his EX. If I was in you position. I would tell him he needs to decide who he really want to be with quickly. Don't waist my time.

    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 8:32 AM on May. 31, 2011

  • His kids come over here every weekend...I flipped out and told him last night that they can't let go because he goes over there. They are still in a marriage and it's not fair for his kids because they are confused. They keep asking him when he's coming home. I told him it's not normal to be friends like that ,maybe in a few yrs. when they have both fully moved on. He's stringing her along too and she takes it as well. She asked him to go with her and the kids to see that cars movie. That's not normal!!! You don;t do family things when your no longer a family!!!! He says he doesn;t feel like he can soend quality time with his kids when they are here because they just want to play. i told him take them somewhere take them to the park take them to get ice cream. something!
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 8:39 AM on May. 31, 2011

  • Why should you have to settle for half a man? No one should have to share unless it's a choice they knowingly and willingly make in the beginning (like the sister wives you joke about). You've got to think, this isn't just you and him if you have kids of your own living there. How attached do you want your kids to get to a man who doesn't know if he wants to be there? If it's truly just friendship between them, then why can't you all be a family....you, SO, your kids, his kids, and their mother all get together for these things. If he's leaving you out, there is a reason for it, and I'll bet it's not about his kids.
    Kimedbs

    Answer by Kimedbs at 8:50 AM on May. 31, 2011

  • He is totally stringing her & the kids along by spending so much time together. Maybe he isn't ready to let her go.How long after he left her, & the 2 of you get together? He doesn't sound like he's ready to let go of her. Maybe he needs time by himself to figure out what he really needs because it isn't fair to any of you what he's doing now.Don't settle for being anything less in his life.I understand his kids are VERY important to him but you should be a close second not on the bottom(like he's treating you now).
    robin2708

    Answer by robin2708 at 8:51 AM on May. 31, 2011

  • 'She asked him to go with her and the kids to see that cars movie. That's not normal!'
    says who? I know lots of families that do that and they don't seem to have the problem that your husband is having. I don't think the problem is that he does things with them, it's that his Heart is still with them.

    I'd see about getting some family counseling, but it does sound to me that he'd rather be there no matter how happy he is with you. Have you talked to his ex wife about this? makes me wonder what he's saying around those kids and what he's doing there.

    Don't be so sure that he's not loving up to the ex in some fashion. My ex and I still had sex for over a year after we split and far as I know there were barely any suspicions for anyone.
    Then again neither one of us was married, but still.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:11 AM on May. 31, 2011

  • You said he left her? Do you know why? It sounds like he didn't really want to if he still goes over there and is friendly with her. It sounds to me like he doesn't value your relationship as much as you do. And although it's not easy, I think you should leave him. You deserve to have someone who is 100% in your relationship matching your 100%.
    Vix920

    Answer by Vix920 at 9:20 AM on May. 31, 2011

  • logically I know I should leave...the problem i have is when things are good they are wonderful and that keeps me...IDK how to leave to just walk away and say I'm done. I know i deserve better,but I was with an abusive man for 5 yrs. so to me this is much better even though it's emotional abuse.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 9:27 AM on May. 31, 2011

  • Your SO doesn't sound like he is too sure about why he left his ex.He is still too attached.He really needs to figure out a better way to be with his kids without their mom being in the picture too.He may need to talk to a counselor to help him gain prospective on the situation.
    robin2708

    Answer by robin2708 at 9:39 AM on May. 31, 2011

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