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How do I not yell at my teenage daughter when she is mouthy and unappreciative?

 
sweetpea4139

Asked by sweetpea4139 at 9:37 AM on May. 31, 2011 in Teens (13-17)

Level 1 (3 Credits)
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Answers (11)
  • OK,  been there and this works.  ALWAYS talk to her with courtesy and respect (no matter how much it hurts) and for the most part, ignore it.  When she crosses the line just say (in a stern voice) "that was uncalled for" and walk away.  


    She is deliberately trying to be confrontational, by keeping your cool and ignoring it, you are taking away all her power.  It is also very difficult to maintain animosity when the other person is respectful.  It will take time but eventually her attitude will completely change.


    Good luck!

    beeky

    Answer by beeky at 10:00 AM on May. 31, 2011

  • Simply don't engage in an argument, that's easier said than done I know first hand as well. What I've learned to do is simply say I'm not arguing about this, when you're ready to talk to me like an adult with using insults and being disrepectful we'll talk; and I walk away. I've not had much of an argument with my 16 yr old in sometime. My 13 yr old however is just getting started, it does work it just takes time learning to tell yourself, I'm not going to engage in this. Then telling them enough, meaning it and walking away.
    My 13 yr old usually argues over chores, my response is I'm not arguing, I told you do to it and that's the end of it. He's argued about other things like going to a friends house when I've said, and the response is the same, I told you no (give the reason again) and then say enough I'm not arguing about it and walk away. Good luck.
    blessedwboysx3

    Answer by blessedwboysx3 at 9:42 AM on May. 31, 2011

  • simple by not engaging in an argument .....state what you have to say and if they cant respond calmly to you stop them and say i refuse to be yelled at when you calm down i will talk to you, then walk away......

    cara124

    Answer by cara124 at 9:47 AM on May. 31, 2011

  • I wish I could answer that one........take a breath and step away maybe. I have a big mouth........I have to practice daily (sometimes hourly) to keep it shut!! LOL
    Dahis

    Answer by Dahis at 9:39 AM on May. 31, 2011

  • In a very calm voice I say "give me your cell phone, laptop, and controllers for your tv. That will teach you to me mouthy with me."
    emmyandlisa

    Answer by emmyandlisa at 9:52 AM on May. 31, 2011

  • I gotta go with blessedwboys & cara124 on this one. An argument takes two people. Not engaging with her is the best way to avoid one and also teaches her that calm, rational discussion is your accepted & preferred means of resolving your issues.

    Good luck. I have a 16 yo teen & I've been there a few times- probably a few more to go before I'm done :)
    EgoTryptophan

    Answer by EgoTryptophan at 9:54 AM on May. 31, 2011

  • I would say to ignore her. If you don't like how she is acting refuse to acknowledge her until she acts correctly.
    SeasideNative

    Answer by SeasideNative at 10:06 AM on May. 31, 2011

  • wish someone would have given my mother that advice. If u accidently get in the yelling mode it's ok. My mother lives with me right now and we have a good relationship. When she yells at you really listen to key words. She won't go right out ad tell u what her problem is but she will bat around the subjects. I used to do that with my mother.
    Kimkh

    Answer by Kimkh at 10:11 AM on May. 31, 2011

  • I agree with not engaging in an argument....easier said then done I'm sure.
    ceciliam

    Answer by ceciliam at 11:18 AM on May. 31, 2011

  • I agree with the other moms. I know that when I don't engage with my dd and just walk away I make my point. And when I stop talking about it or anything, she gets it. It may sound childish, but for me, the silent treatment works. I just tell her that I have said all I need to and have nothing else to say so I am not talking. I also don't do anything. Don't ask me to do something for you or for a ride or anything. "Why should I do anything for you when you talk to me like that or don't do what I ask of you?" It worked here and things are better.
    wallmom1

    Answer by wallmom1 at 12:59 PM on May. 31, 2011