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Answers / Life & Home / Relationships

Adrenaline is surging right now

im trying not to be upset about this, trying very very hard. but something about it just brings the past back and is giving me an anxious feeling in the pit of my stomach. my husband cheated on me emotionally about 3 years ago, we moved passed it and i haven't felt he's been unfaithful since. i didn't feel like i needed to look at the phone records, facebook or emails, i just had the gut feeling that i could trust him and by invading his privacy i only make myself look stupid. well the past few weeks my intuition is telling me something's up and i know we should always follow our gut feelings. so today i logged into his FB and sure enough he exchanged messages today with 2 different girls. one i remember from higshchool and the other i don't know her. nothing inappropriate was said, but i know the girl from highschool he used to casually screw. he told her he wants to hang out with her and asked if she still had his number. the other one, they ended the conversation the same way. exchanging numbers and talking about hanging out. for some reason that really raises red flags to me. i'm trying to view it as an innocent friendship but i'm not sure i would be comfortable with him hanging out with either of them, and i'm pretty sure he wouldn't tell me about it if he did. i don't know ladies, am i making too much out of nothing?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:22 AM on May. 31, 2011 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • Good way to make the OP feel worse ObbyDobbie.. get off the computer please..
    OP... honestly i would call her and tell her to stop talkin to my husband on FB and on the phone
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:59 AM on May. 31, 2011

  • Nope...go with your gut.

    If he was caught before, then he should know that exchanging numbers is not a good idea...it will only lead to him slipping again.
    Jademom07

    Answer by Jademom07 at 10:27 AM on May. 31, 2011

  • If he didn't tell you about the messages, that tells me he's hiding it. Go with your gut. Exchanging numbers with a female without your knowledge, definitely not right!
    cmgIII

    Answer by cmgIII at 11:05 AM on May. 31, 2011

  • Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 10:27 AM on May. 31, 2011

  • Well if it were me I would probably suspect something was going on (either he is cheating or is planning to cheat) given his past history, the 'secret' messages to 2 women, (that he probably did not tell you he was friends with on fb) and mentioning wanting to 'hang' with his former casual sex buddy. If it were me I would save all the messages (print them up if you can). I would also do a bit more 'snooping' into the situation.
    MizLee

    Answer by MizLee at 10:54 AM on May. 31, 2011

  • @ObbyDobbie- I would consider it an emotional affair if two people were chatting all the time, phone calls, messages- saying things like , "I love you" and keeping secrets from the SO, as well as keeping the interactions with the third person from the SO. Is that not an emotional affair? (Really interested in hearing your opinion on this because I've never met anyone who says there is no such thing).

    @OP- I think you have to make a decision on this: you can ask him about it, admitting to your snooping and possibly causing more problems, or you can wait it out and see if there are any more 'signs' other than the messages. Good luck!
    lovingmy4babies

    Answer by lovingmy4babies at 10:57 AM on May. 31, 2011

  • Tell him of yor intuition. You dont get that feeling for no reason. I get teh same feeling wtih my DH of when I need to "look into things" not often at all if ever anymore, but Ive done it. By not looking into it your setting yourself up to look stupid if he does cheat or anything aong those lines. Im definately not calling you stupid by any means, I just dont want you to regret brushing it off! Good Luck hon!
    kgrine

    Answer by kgrine at 2:22 PM on May. 31, 2011

  • Well educated... Unless you have codependency issues, it simply can not exist.

    ONE person simply can not fulfill the emotional and social needs of another. You're obviously needy and insecure, perceiving any and all interactions as a threat. "Emotional Affair" is a nasty, twisted, ill conceived way of saying "Emotionally Vested". Which there is absolutely nothing wrong with- unless the other partner is *extremely* insecure.
    ObbyDobbie

    Answer by ObbyDobbie at 10:37 AM on May. 31, 2011

  • – collapse
    Cheated emotionally?

    Sorry, but there is no such thing unless you're extremely insecure and controlling.
    ObbyDobbie

    Answer by ObbyDobbie at 10:25 AM on May. 31, 2011 (hidden) + expand

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