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2 Bumps

Can he change?

My Husband, doesn't do anything in the house. He always expects I'm gonna do everything in the house. I work 40 hours a week at least, and I come back to having to take care of two children and a big baby. He works night shifts but when he's off work he's grabbing his ass with both hands or goes off to his friends to get drunk. I'm close to leaving him, been three years we've been married our relationship goes back for even longer at least 9 years. I wasn't brought up to be a sweet little housewife. He knows that, I've been working and I REFUSE to become a SAHM. Knowing he does less hours than me, he should clean up a little on his days off instead of leaving and getting drunk... We're TTC but how is it going to work if he's always away? I don't know what to do anymore, I'm one foot out the door... Should I stay and wait for him to change or let it go?

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proudmom717

Asked by proudmom717 at 11:27 AM on May. 31, 2011 in Relationships

Level 8 (218 Credits)
Answers (14)
  • He isn't gonna change.
    emmyandlisa

    Answer by emmyandlisa at 11:30 AM on May. 31, 2011

  • First off I would quit TTC at this point esp. if you don't think you wanna be with him, and then I would sit down and really assess what you want and what he is giving you and if they don't meet up you need to talk with him and explain what needs to change and if he does not change then you need to make the change even if that means leaving. It is not an easy decision but one that is necessary for your happiness.
    2boysnaprincess

    Answer by 2boysnaprincess at 11:31 AM on May. 31, 2011

  • Have you talked to him about this? If not you should let him know that you are upset about having to do it all with no help from him, and that he needs to step up and start helping around the house and with the kids. I told my hubs "we BOTH live here so each of us is responsible for cleaning and household chores we BOTH created those kids and they need us both to be parents to them, take care of them and spend time with them". I'd let him know that if he does not change one of you will be leaving the house-- for good! If you have talked to him about it and he either blows you off, or says "yeah I will change" and then does not, it might be time to take action. Remember in order for him to change he really has to WANT to make the changes.... and if changing means loss of "fun" time or "fun activities" he may get stubborn and refuse to change. Good luck!
    MizLee

    Answer by MizLee at 11:33 AM on May. 31, 2011

  • I would also put the TTC on hold- for now. If he wants to know why tell him that you already have more than enough to do w/o help, and a baby would bring even more 'work' for you. IF he does change and things work out then consider TTC again.
    MizLee

    Answer by MizLee at 11:35 AM on May. 31, 2011

  • Is that the main problem? is he a good man otherwise?

    if not, and he's selfish in every way, then I'd just see what you can do to work it out and maybe see about a housekeeper every once in a while.

    If being lazy was mean to divorce someone, my DH would have filed papers years ago!
    Is the problem really big enough to leave a man over if you're happy with him otherwise?
    ItsMe89

    Answer by ItsMe89 at 11:35 AM on May. 31, 2011

  • He isn't going to change until he WANTS to change. He won't change no matter HOW much you want him to. I also wouldn't bring another baby into such an uncertain relationship.
    lovingmy4babies

    Answer by lovingmy4babies at 11:38 AM on May. 31, 2011

  • everything was going OKAY until I started talking about wanting an other baby...
    proudmom717

    Comment by proudmom717 (original poster) at 11:40 AM on May. 31, 2011

  • if he really loves he will change mine did ...when he doesnt work now he cooks cleans laundry....because i told him come on dude how am i able to work and be a mom so he changed
    barrerajuls

    Answer by barrerajuls at 11:53 AM on May. 31, 2011

  • "everything was going OKAY until I started talking about wanting an other baby... "

    well then you may have it there. is this a case of the two of you trying to conceive or it it mainly just you? did you ask him if he wanted another baby?
    ItsMe89

    Answer by ItsMe89 at 12:05 PM on May. 31, 2011

  • I talk about it, said I had the baby fever. Since years he knows I want a medium sized family, he said if I wanted to have an other baby, we'll try to have one. He accepted to do it, been two months and seems like he's given up already and doesn't want to try anymore... Now he's being an ass...
    proudmom717

    Comment by proudmom717 (original poster) at 12:16 PM on May. 31, 2011

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