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Marriage Troubles.......

Lately it is like me and my husband are more like roommates than anything, he seems to have no interest in me whatsoever, I've talked to him about it too, still nothing has changed. I feel undesirable, and very insecure about all of this. he's always complaining about being so tired from work or whatever, it just crushes me and he doesn't seem to care a bit. I'm tired of feeling rejected and tossed to the side when I deserve so much more....WHat to do?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:01 PM on May. 31, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (7)
  • I'd say that talking doesn't do much for men...Talking is boring and it makes them feel guilty...they don't like that. I'd suggest you initiate a good "behaviour"...be sexy, be attentative, feed him well, and make love to him often. Wait for him at the door when he comes from work ...with a great smile, something sexy under your robe or such, and a good dinner. We often make the mistake to Request instead of Giving first. Giving will give you back, you'll see. Men like to be appreciated and loved by their woman.
    OhBabyMine

    Answer by OhBabyMine at 12:09 PM on May. 31, 2011

  • You don't say how long you've been married and how your marriage had been before this change. Have you recently had kids? Marriage tends to change the longer you are together and you have to step up the communication to bring things to the next level of emotional intimacy. You also need to check your expectations. What are you doing that makes it feel like "roommates." There are times in my marriage where it feels like we are just co-existing. But usually that is when we are both tremendously busy and trying to fit too much into our lives. Also, when my husband is having his "busy season" at work, he becomes a bit "zombified."
    kathyartist2007

    Answer by kathyartist2007 at 12:10 PM on May. 31, 2011

  • i'm so sorry for your difficult time right now :( my best friend is going through the same thing, she has been for years. she and her husband are divorcing :( maybe suggest that the two of you do some counseling? it could help to have a fresh set of eyes and ears.

    i hope things look up for you. you don't deserve to feel like that. hang in there <3
    flamingomegs

    Answer by flamingomegs at 12:11 PM on May. 31, 2011

  • I used the exact same term on my husband (roommates) about 2 weeks ago. He decided to visit his mother (she's only 30 miles away) and he took the kids too. The first night I enjoyed being alone, the next day I went and bought some new lotion and makeup. I called my husband and not realizing what I was doing I asked him on a date. I got all cute, smelled great, and he definitely noticed. We had a great time, and after I dropped him back home at his mother's he was calling me, it was like we were kids again. I got tired of waiting for him to make the move, so I did. I had to check my pride and take the first step, things aren't magically better, but either we are headed in the right direction, or in the end I can say I gave it my best shot. Best of luck to you.
    Aneya

    Answer by Aneya at 12:33 PM on May. 31, 2011

  • When you complain, he hears you placing all the blame on him, so he tunes you out and withdraws. It's a means of self-protection, and he does it unconsciously. If you want to draw him out, start complimenting and praising him for the things you truly appreciate about him. Thank him for the things he does for you and the family. Make positive comments about his ethics, his honesty, or whatever good character traits he has. Do it in private and look for opportunities to praise him to others in his presence. Problems in marriage are never 100% to 0% so far as blame is concerned. We tend to blame our husbands, while he thinks he's doing pretty well but is never told that. I have found in my 46 years of marriage that I can usually set the tempo with my husband. When I become carpy, he goes into his shell, but I have learned how to draw him out. Be sincere, though. If you try to be a phony about it, he will withdraw more.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 12:44 PM on May. 31, 2011

  • sometimes, getting out of the norm helps a marriage. My dh and I went through a rut a few years ago and to spark things up, we decided to do lingerie shopping together. Now every few months or so, we'll take a few hours alone and do "lingerie shopping" and spend a romantic night together. Believe me, it was not my dh's idea to go shopping at all, I lured him into Victoria Secrets and from that moment on, our marriage has improved 100%...I also noticed during this time, I picked up on the signals before it was too late to undo the damage...best of luck to you....
    mom2mybabes

    Answer by mom2mybabes at 12:44 PM on May. 31, 2011

  • well just spice things up alittle. you said he complains about being tired from work, well have the bed room ready for when he gets home have candles sitting around burning. meet him at the door in your best lingerie, lead hom to the bedroom and give him and massage and see where that leads.
    Vivian0331

    Answer by Vivian0331 at 1:17 PM on May. 31, 2011

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