Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

1 Bump

Breaking the news....How do I go about it?

So I am divorced. recently my ex moved in with us. We divorced because he was too attached to his parents. When we were married I carried a heavy load. at times I worked two or three jobs because he was lazy and would run to his parenets for money. Meanwhile he was rude. I mean straight rude when he did not get his way.

I started marriage couseling and he stopped going because his mom told him too. Urrr. Bottem line he is selfish. Through the years he seemed to have grown up and he has helped out with the kids. Picking them up and with homework since he has been back. However He is not on the rental agreement even though I asked. He wants me to stop child support. Even though I have no idea what he wants in the relationship. I have everything in my name. The apartment. The utilities. My car....and so on.

I just feel like he is taking advantage again. The whole point of him being here is to help. But besides picking the kids up it has been a chore for me. He still is paying support but I feel he should pay part of the rent since he lives here and towards utilities. I pay for everything. I think he think because he is here helping that is enough. In the divorce decree it also states he has to pay for medical insurance. He has a new job and he says that it cannot get insurance for 6 months. Now my kids have no medical insurance and I will have to pay out of pocket for everything. They need shots and new glasses. Insurance through my job will be very expensive.

So my dad says to move home to save money and get him out from under me. That way I can live rent free and pay for medical care and everything else. What do I say? because if we move in with my parents the only place he will have to go is his parents. his job makes it difficult for him to get a place on his own. He does not make very much.

I feel bad....I was hoping we could make this work. However my gut says I am being taken advantage of....I hate living paycheck to paycheck and now everything is in my name and if something happens it falls on me.

Suggestions? How do I tell him....He will be furious and of course his mom will tell me I need to take care of him....I hate confromtations. I hate when people think I should carry the load. I love him but it seems no matter what I do I will have to take care of him and I just can't when it takes away from me taking care of my kids.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:54 PM on May. 31, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • Just start packing your shit and have your dad with you.
    emmyandlisa

    Answer by emmyandlisa at 12:56 PM on May. 31, 2011

  • Isn't that the reason you divorced him to begin with? Youre being much too nice, and I know how that is..I've done something similiar with my ex husband in the past. Then one day, I was like..to hell with this $h%*! and kicked him out.
    If you can survive financially with him living there and paying for everythign including him..you can survive without him.
    If you feel better going to your parents, then do it. But if you can just tell him to hit the curb...I'd do that.
    Good Luck...you deserve better.
    kimberlyinberea

    Answer by kimberlyinberea at 12:58 PM on May. 31, 2011

  • I'd pack and move. Tell him you can no longer afford to pay for everything on your own and you are moving. Me personally honestly, I'd just tell him he had to move, but I can be pretty abrupt and straightforward most of the time.

    meooma

    Answer by meooma at 1:01 PM on May. 31, 2011

  • Well all I can suggest is telling him from your point of view - Just tell him that it's too expensive living in your own apartment so you're having to move in with your Dad to help you get more financially stable & then he has one of 2 choices, stay in the apartment & get it all in his name or move back with his mom (I'm guessing he'll move in with his mom) If he suggests moving to your Dad's with you, just tell him there's no room.
    I do think he's taking advantage of you & sometimes doing the tough thing is the best thing to help someone actually grow up - GOOD LUCK:)
    Ellie15

    Answer by Ellie15 at 1:07 PM on May. 31, 2011

  • You don't owe him anything. Just tell him the way it is and that moving back home is the right thing for you to do. Do NOT stop cs and if he gets mad he gets mad. He needs to grow up. Keep all this in mind when he tries to come back again after you get on your feet. Remember that using you is not love so don't fall for it next time.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 1:18 PM on May. 31, 2011

  • Get your things and RUN as fast as you can... do not feel sorry for him. Be strong and get going
    Wyomingmama

    Answer by Wyomingmama at 1:23 PM on May. 31, 2011

  • Totally agree with your dad here.
    rio_burb

    Answer by rio_burb at 1:56 PM on May. 31, 2011

  • he isn't your responsiblity anymore. you are divorced for a reason. he needs to start acting like a adult and face the world like an adult and if his job doesn't pay enough to pay rent and utilities then he should move in with his parents since they really were the cause of your marriage downfall. don't feel guilty about it either. he may be helping with the kids and all but that's his job, he is their father.
    lucky35

    Answer by lucky35 at 4:01 PM on May. 31, 2011

  • Go to dads.
    SnapIt

    Answer by SnapIt at 7:15 PM on May. 31, 2011

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN