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Have you ever heard anything this disturbing from your spouse? adult content

My husband and I were discussing an article about rape. It pointed out that sometimes victims feel guilt if they were wearing clothes that were revealing. He made a comment along the lines of women shouldn't dress like that then...And I said clothing is never an excuse for rape. I said 'Are you saying that if a woman goes out in a bikini and then gets raped it is her fault?' He said no but a bikini is not the same as going to a bar with her ass hanging out of her skirt and dancing with men...
I am disturbed by his thought process...while I agree that kind of dress and behavior may not be classy there is NEVER an excuse for rape. He once also told me if I was raped he would probably never want to have sex with me again...
Sometimes I can not understand why I am married to this person...


Asked by Anonymous at 1:54 PM on May. 31, 2011 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (17)
  • It's common for people to think that rape has something to do with sex.

    Of course it's more about violence and control...but you'd be surprised how many people are ignorant to that. My health teacher actually said it was better for an over-horney guy to masturbate than rape if it was just about being horney.

    I don't know about your hubby. I can understand fear of getting an STD, or feeling phsycologically wierd. Doctors and therapists can help spouses in that situation.

    Answer by Dkhilly at 2:03 PM on May. 31, 2011

  • i think if he actually experienced someone close to him being raped, such as a neice, cousin, wife or something, he would have another opinion on it, right now, his opinion is not very valid since it is someone he doesnt care about.

    I know that part of my "step" family had very strong opinions on a lot of stuff such as be racist and so on. When my stepdad's neice was raped, it wasnt something that was ever brought up and spoken of again.

    Answer by americansugar80 at 2:03 PM on May. 31, 2011

  • Ummm wow -- that part about you being raped and HE WOULDN'T WANT TO HAVE SEX With you again??? I do NOT like the way he thinks! God forbid anything ever happen to you because you will then be on your own! HIs attitude SUX!

    Answer by BaileysMom476 at 1:58 PM on May. 31, 2011

  • While it is not an excuse it does send a message of "easy". Some people need to realize the way they dress says a lot about who they are... As I said before this is not an excuse. As for not wanting to have sex with you after being raped... I'm sorry, and you never know how he will really feel if it ever did happen.

    Answer by BabyBugsmama at 2:00 PM on May. 31, 2011

  • My DF can be a bit disturbing at times. But he grew up in a lifestyle I can never understand. I haven't heard him say anything about Rape being the fault of a women's wardrobe. I have heard him discuss that a women shouldn't tease a man, He has said that if a women teases a man and then lets the man think that she will allow him to have sex with her then at the last minute tell the man no, then she initiated the rape. Which is disturbing, rape is never asked for. If a women says no then she means no. And this is the 21 century a women should be allowed to wear what she wishes to wear and not be looked at as a piece of meat.


    Answer by styhmMommy at 2:03 PM on May. 31, 2011

  • My husband has said something equally disturbing, he said that If I were ever raped and got pregnant from it, he would want me to have an abortion. I couldnt do that, even if it resulted from a rape. We fought for days after that until my MIL told us we were stupid to be fighting about something that has NOT happened, and probably will never happen. I agreed.

    Answer by Auntiemom410 at 2:49 PM on May. 31, 2011

  • I think men just have different thought processes. They do have totally different brains. Not that it's not disturbing.

    Answer by Shanna84 at 1:56 PM on May. 31, 2011

  • OMG that's horrible :(

    Answer by Keeely07 at 1:57 PM on May. 31, 2011

  • It doesn't sound like he holds women in very high regard, as in it's the woman's fault for dressing provocatively, or he wouldn't want you if you got raped- like he is placing a lot of the blame on the woman. Why shouldn't he want you, it wouldn't be your fault, you would be the vicitm. I wouldn't be very happy to hear those words coming out of my DH's mouth, that's for sure. Maybe he was just being insensitive and not thinking it thru. Sure, if a girl is barely dressed and dirty dancing with strange men at a bar she is being stupid and looking for trouble, but does the man have no responsibility for self control? No still means No. A short skirt is not a license to lift the skirt and take what you want- it's just a short skirt.

    Answer by MaryMW at 2:22 PM on May. 31, 2011

  • no means no, regardless if a woman's body parts are half-exposed or even naked. rape has nothing to do with what the person is or isn't wearing. his attitude about rape is disgusting, by him admitting he wouldn't want to have sex with you if you were raped is in some way putting you at fault for it.

    Answer by tnm786 at 2:40 PM on May. 31, 2011