Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

SM and my wedding.

I am getting married and I have never been close to my SM, her and my dad didn't get married till I was 15 and I only spend like a week a year there for the 3 years till I turned 18. She is the kind of person who has to be the center of attention all the time. She has got it in her head that her and my mom will be sharing the mother of the bride role. Now my dad and SD are sharing the father of the bride role however, I have lived with my mom and SD since I was 3 and am very close to him. They are both going to walk me down the isle, my SD is paying for the wedding however my dad is paying for the honeymoon. Well I talked to my dad and told him I would like my SM to attend as a guest/ his date. She can sit in the 4th seat at the ceremony next to him but will not be apart of the ceremony (she can just take her seat when the other guests do). At the reception, I have given my dad 2 options, 1 he can sit a the bride's family table with my mom, SD, my mom's parents and my SD's mother (his father passed a couple years ago) while his wife sits with his parents and sister and her DH or he can sit at his parent's and sister's table with his wife. I don't want SM sitting with my mom because she always tries to pick fights with her and my mother shouldn't have to deal with that, plus I am afraid if my mom ignores her, my SM might end up making a scene. I also don't want her in most of the formal pictures, just one or two (and to be honest, that is just to spare her feelings, I don't want her in any at all). She also seems to think I will be inviting every family member she own (I have only met her parents once or twice and I am convince there are people on the list who I have never met). I think I will tell my dad to tell her I have the guest list covered. I understand she is my dad's wife but I don't see her as my family, his but not mine. Is what I am asking reasonable?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:40 PM on May. 31, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • Your wedding your way your day....It's really ALL up to you. I hope your dad understands and respects your wishes. Congratulations.
    meooma

    Answer by meooma at 4:45 PM on May. 31, 2011

  • it is your day.. and the drama should end before that day arrives.. if she insists on putting herself in a role she has not been invited to fill then you need to say something to her asap..
    girlglow6

    Answer by girlglow6 at 4:50 PM on May. 31, 2011

  • When i first read you were having you SD mom at the family table but not your SM I thought wow she must really hate her SM but yeah if she will just cause drama then i don't blame you. it's your wedding...not hers or your dads if they have issues then oh well
    happymama02

    Answer by happymama02 at 4:54 PM on May. 31, 2011

  • Well, I've never been close to my SM but I am VERY close to my SD. He raised me with my mom.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 5:00 PM on May. 31, 2011

  • She is saying that I am being ungrateful to her by saying she can't sit at the family table, I am not sure what I should be greatfull towards her about but I think it just shows she just wants to be front and center. My dad said he wants to sit at the front table but wants his wife to sit with him. I told him I gave him the options but she is NOT sitting at the front table
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 5:02 PM on May. 31, 2011

  • why not just ask your dad to come without her then, if you really dont want her there that would be better for everyone.. if he knows how you feel he will understand why.. idk really though.. he'll either come or he wont..
    girlglow6

    Answer by girlglow6 at 6:15 PM on May. 31, 2011

  • girlglow, I have thought of that but my dad lives 2 states away and he has to come 2 days before the wedding for the rehearsal dinner and as it's an evening wedding, he wouldn't be able to leave until at least the day after. I guess it would be kinda weird for him to come all this way without her but to ask her to come to town with him yet sit in the hotel the whole time would be kinda rude. I don't mind her there (and neither does my mom) I just don't think she should be front a center or counted among the people who raised me.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 6:26 PM on May. 31, 2011

  • ok yeah i can see that.. i wouldnt either..
    girlglow6

    Answer by girlglow6 at 6:31 PM on May. 31, 2011

  • it's your wedding, not hers or your dad's, they need to respect your feelings
    brookemhowell

    Answer by brookemhowell at 8:06 PM on May. 31, 2011

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.

Next question in Relationships
Baby shower

Next question overall (Toddlers (1-2))
Wise your time

close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN