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3 Bumps

12 years old and still wetting the bed

my step-daughter is almost 12 (june) and she is still wetting the bed. her mother wont take her to the doctor and we live quite far away, so we cant just pop to the docs with her.
i do think she's just being lazy though because about 3 years ago whwn she was staying at ours she asked me if i would slap her across the face if she wet the bed and i said no why n she said thats what her mam did. she had never wet the bed at ours before that but then started wetting the bed every time she stayed for months, i said she wouldn't be able to stay any more if she kept wetting the bed and she stopped but she was here the other night and didn't say she had wet the bed or even put her pyjamas in the washing but a few days after she left i picked her sleeping bag up and she had hid her wet pyjamas in it, everything stunk and her pyjamas were even going mouldy, we told her she had to tell us when she wet the bed, not hide her things and she denied doing it.
she wears nappies but she shows of about it a bit too, it's not because of us having a baby because it was long before i was pregnant.

is she being lazy/just doing it or something else????

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:53 PM on May. 31, 2011 in Tweens (9-12)

Answers (15)
  • I really don't know any 12 yr olds that wet the bed just because they are too lazy to get up and go, so I'm not thinking it's laziness. So try sitting down and having a conversation with her about it-try and figure out why it's happening if you can or see if she knows why. Wetting the bed at that age usually means something is not right in her life-I wonder about abuse. I'd take her to the doctor-whether her mom wants you to or not. Her father has the right to do that.
    Alynn74

    Answer by Alynn74 at 5:00 PM on May. 31, 2011

  • I wet the bed until I was nearly 14. I think both of my parents having near death illnesses triggered that. But my 9 year old still wets the bed so I don't worry too much.
    Izsarejman

    Answer by Izsarejman at 5:05 PM on May. 31, 2011

  • we have spoke to her about it, she just says she doesn't know, she is very young for her age though. she did want to come and live with us but when we spoke to her mother she got smacked, shouted at and had to tell her brother and sisters ahe didn't like them and didn't want to live with them. she has not got a nice mother, we picked her up one day and she had bright red make-up across her cheeks, i laughed n said she looked like a clown (not nastily, she knew i was just taking the mick) when we were on our way back she was very quiet, i asked her what was wrong n she said her mam put the make up on her coz she had slapped her and it had left a red mark n she covered it up.

    we were thinking of seeing if we could take her to see our doctor the next time she stayed but dont know if we could as she doesnt live in the area.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 5:11 PM on May. 31, 2011

  • When they wet the bed I think it's because their bladder is small and it has not grown yet. My stepson stopped at 13, and my nephew and nice did at that same time too. I would try taking her to the doc though if you can
    harrypottermom

    Answer by harrypottermom at 5:15 PM on May. 31, 2011

  • Error on YOUR part is telling her if she wet the bed she can NOT stay with you. That is WHY she hid it from you she was AFRAID you would send her away and she'll never be allowed back! You should have NEVER told her that! Also you should have NEVER laughed at her about the make-up/red mark. Clearly she's being abused by the mother.....

    As for is it normal? No it's not normal, but if she's being abused then her way of dealing with it MAYBE coming out in this manner. My nephew, 3, has started to wet the bed at night (even though he as been completely trained for 6 months), because that is how he is dealing with his Mom being deployed in Iraq.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:00 PM on May. 31, 2011

  • i didnt know she had been slapped when i laughed and i said she couldnt stay because she had never wet the bed untill i said i wouldn't slap her and after i said that she didnt do it again for 2years, thats part of the reason that makes me think that she mabey CAN help it, if she can start and stop when she wants
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 6:07 PM on May. 31, 2011

  • It sounds like your step daughter is in an abusive home and I would bet the bed wetting is a psychological response to that. She truly can't help it.

    My sister wet the bed for years and years. It reduced drastically when my mom divorced our abusive step father, and it was gone completely after our grandfather was busted for being a pedophile. She truly couldn't help it, but it was her body's response to the stress.

    I would STRONGLY suggest that you go with the info you have about the slapping, the screaming, the emotional abuse (having to tell her brother and sister that she didn't love them, etc), and about the bed wetting but the mom refuses to seek medical help, etc - and contact your lawyer / cps.

    But, whether I'm right and this is what it is, or I'm wrong and there's a physical medical reason for it, she needs help, and you and your dh need to get it for her if her mom won't. :-(
    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 7:56 AM on Jun. 1, 2011

  • It could also be a case of where she was staying up at night secretly so she didn't wet the bed, or sleeping on the floor in the bathroom and cleaning it up, any number of things to hide it, that, not knowing there was a problem you wouldn't have been thinking to watch for, then, when she felt secure and comfortable enough to ask you about it (asking if you would slap her if she did it), she felt comfortable enough to go to sleep, and then her body just did it, following it's usual pattern (it could have been stress from the worry of whether you were telling her the truth or not). Then, when you DIDN'T hit her, she was able to feel comfortable and safe enough that she stopped.

    As for why she was doing it again, 12 is a very tough age for girls anyway, and if she's in a bad situation at home, the stress could be getting overwhelming for her again....
    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 7:59 AM on Jun. 1, 2011

  • if you are concerned don't say things that are hurtful to her rather talk to her doctor ans see if they suggest anything or do what we have done with both our boys and stop all liquids 2 hours before bedtime--they are allowed a sip of water but that's all and that has worked for us as far as stopping the bed wetting. Good luck and God Bless
    Christmaslver68

    Answer by Christmaslver68 at 10:09 AM on Jun. 1, 2011

  • Maybe she is having nightmares about her mam and she just does it. I'm not sure.
    shannon979

    Answer by shannon979 at 11:46 AM on Jun. 1, 2011

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