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I have no control anymore

I'm so desperate to get my kids on track,my daughter has no respect for us at all. My sons swear big time at each other and call their sister a bitch,ho,slut. My sons friends do the same thing. I told the kids this morning they had to get up and do jobs if they expect to do anything today. They haven't done a thing. I don't want their friends over anymore till I can talk to their parents about what's going on. I don't want to have to ground them the entire summer. I want my kids to apologize to each other and stop treating each other so badly. My husband says "oh that's normal kid stuff, I disagree kids come over they need to respect our home and each other. How do I set my kids straight? I swear I need a valium.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 5:48 PM on May. 31, 2011 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (12)
  • You're fighting an "uphill" battle once they're that age! It's too late to tell YOU that but maybe younger mothers will take this under consideration. As far as your problem, my opinion is that kids who act like yours have had little exposure to the bigger world beyond themselves. You need to get them out and involved doing things like volunteer work. I'm sure they won't be thrilled to go at first but it becomes addictive fast! There's all sorts of ways to help during special charity events or on an everyday basis. Soon, they'll be busy talking with each other about the different things they've accomplished while working alongside some of the greatest role models! They'll learn in a hurry what is acceptable language/behavior and what is not!
    InquiringMind

    Answer by InquiringMind at 2:06 AM on Jun. 1, 2011

  • they're never too old for a beat'n lol. but seriously, ground them. even if it is for the whole summer. you need to let them know you're in charge, not them. take their stuff from them. i'm willin' to bet the boys got video games. and i'm willin' to bet even more that you paid for them. take 'em. they get nothing until they clean themselves up and act right. it's summer, no school right? they stay home, and if they got a tv, radio, computer, ipad, ipod, itouch, whatever electronics in their room, take 'em. they can't go anywhere, no tv even in the living room. do it until they figure out you are SERIOUS. even if you need to get a babysitter while you are at work. they'll straighten up. take all your dd's "cool" clothes from her. the mini skirts, too low cut shirts, heals, booty shorts, ect.

    i was grounded for a whole summer once. i was almost 10. i wasn't even allowed to read. and all i did was run through an empty house.
    armywife43

    Answer by armywife43 at 6:07 PM on May. 31, 2011

  • How old are they?
    maxsmom11807

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 5:52 PM on May. 31, 2011

  • Talk to the parents NOW. Then take away privilages until they earn them. They are called privilages not rights.
    Kimkh

    Answer by Kimkh at 6:08 PM on May. 31, 2011

  • Stand your ground. You are the parent not them. If you have to I agree with the others, take something away they really like. If you have to take the summer away so be it. I know I would not stand that from my child.
    sta517

    Answer by sta517 at 6:30 PM on May. 31, 2011

  • I took most of my daughters things out of her room. I told her to go find someone that will put up with her,and she says I need to go find someone that cares,I said well this is me caring! I also threw my 12 yr old son out of the house told him to go find someone that will put up with his bullshit. My youngest is cleaning the house right now,I asked him if he is confused on how we need to behave. He said no. I told him good behavior will get him play time and friend time. My son is gone somewhere,I'm sure at his friends down the road. I really need an army to help me with my kids,I can't do it alone. I'm stressed out to the max. My daughter claims she's done nothing bad.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 6:35 PM on May. 31, 2011

  • Stand your ground. have a family meeting and have everyone help come up with the rule punishments and rewards. Stick to it and iwth them involved in the process they are more invested and you will have less of a fight about it. But it will still get worse before it gets better.
    Post the all the rules and rewards for each child in a easy to access place. number then and when they get out of line you simply say rule # X. And no more, hence no yelling.
    Make sure when they do something you like that you say thank you or that you appreciate it, a smile or hug. If they are teens as they sound they will roll thier eyes but they like it.
    When you start to see the smallest improvement reward it, a note in thier back pack or on the mirror. They will make the connection and will return in kind.
    And talk with them, let them say whatever they need with in boundries. Ask open ended questions, let them talk, cont.
    DevilInPigtails

    Answer by DevilInPigtails at 6:38 PM on May. 31, 2011

  • round up your kids in a "family meeting" talk to them, lay some ground rules. take their stuff right there, during the meeting (or actually, take the stuff before the meeting, and show them you have it all, so that way they don't know what you're doing and go to hide things before you can get them) tell them if they want the stuff back, they need to earn it...and it will take more than a day, or heck, even a week, to earn it back. they have to start respecting you, each other, and your stuff.

    if you have to, go back to preschooling them. get a big poster board and write the rules down, post them on the wall. even you if you need to make a chore chart. tell them if they want to be treated like grown kids, they need to start ACTING like grown kids. and grown kids respect each other, their parents and their elders.

    if you want, talk with their friends parents and have them and their kids have a meeting w/ u and urs
    armywife43

    Answer by armywife43 at 6:42 PM on May. 31, 2011

  • Lots of head nodding and uh huh, and hmmms. Ask if they would like suggestions or if you can help. Many times they just want to talk. Tell them you love them. And don't kick them out find a safe way to give you both the cooling off you need, even if it is agreed that they will go to x's houses when things get heated.

    Also you might try family counseling to work through the anger and get on a more stable road. GL mama.
    DevilInPigtails

    Answer by DevilInPigtails at 6:42 PM on May. 31, 2011

  • lol devilinpigtails summed it up better. didn't realize she posted that until after i did, sorry
    armywife43

    Answer by armywife43 at 6:44 PM on May. 31, 2011

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