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How do I move past this, sexually? adult content

I recently posted that I had gone through my husband's phone and found dirty text messages between him and his ex fiance. He says he never has and never would actually act on it, that he will discontinue all communication with her, and the fact that she lives 1000 miles away from us makes me feel better knowing that it was in all likelihood just talk.

We have been married 10 years and are expecting our third child at any minute, so I don't want to just quit my marriage. BUT, I do NOT have any desire to have sex with him. I feel like he has been lusting after someone else, maybe pretending I'm her...I don't know. I just feel like I don't want his pervert hands on me after reading what I read in those messages.

What I used to find extremely comforting, loving, and "safe", has changed in my mind to something dirty and awful. I could get sick looking at the dates that he was talking to her and knowing that we had sex all through those weeks.

How do I get over not wanting him to touch me? I really do believe that he is sorry and embarrassed and "caught", but I really want nothing to do with sex with him.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:58 PM on May. 31, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (8)
  • i feel the same way after 8 yrs after hubby cheated so honestly it depends on the person
    babygirl_18

    Answer by babygirl_18 at 10:10 PM on May. 31, 2011

  • You might just need some time. If you really love him things will work out. Sometimes the passage of time can make a big difference. Good luck!!!
    busymominmo

    Answer by busymominmo at 10:11 PM on May. 31, 2011

  • I am sorry this happened. Give yourself time.. In the mean time hubby has to be understanding and not push you. He was the one that messed up, he has to earn your trust back..Now, I am not saying throw it in his face with each fight or something like that. You need to sit him down and tell him how you feel and that your feelings toward him sexually have changed and you need time to sort through all this. Good luck momma. I know how hard it is.. Do not do anything to "punish'' him and at the same time don't do anything you are not ready for. When you are ready to be with him again, you will know..
    midnightmoma

    Answer by midnightmoma at 10:28 PM on May. 31, 2011

  • Honey I dont know wat in the wrld u r doing with a man that treats u all the wrong ways. U need to first find ur love for urself. No women deserves that. Plz do something for urself.
    Autiziumom

    Answer by Autiziumom at 10:39 PM on May. 31, 2011

  • Explain to him how you feel. The best way to get through something with someone, is by talking about it with them.
    monstersmommy20

    Answer by monstersmommy20 at 12:20 AM on Jun. 1, 2011

  • it takes a while to get over this and i guess that will be the real test to see if he can go without having sex with you without cheating...guys are pigs.
    hismommy6509

    Answer by hismommy6509 at 1:38 AM on Jun. 1, 2011

  • I'm sorry, I know how you feel. Mine is still doing it after 10 years of being together. He feels differently about it than I do. I feel it's something between 2 people that love each other, he feels that it's basic instinct. It's been nearly 3 years since we have been together because I know in my heart that these people he claims aren't "real" he's been to see one of them. I also just found out he was lying when he said he was hanging out with a gf from hs and her husband when it's someone he dated her after his first divorce and she's divorced. I am not a piece of meat and I should be the only one he thinks about like that. I'm sorry I can't offer how to get over it. Maybe counseling? That's not an option for us, he works away from home most of the year and he would never see a counselor.
    attap5

    Answer by attap5 at 10:12 AM on Jun. 1, 2011

  • Im sorry that this happened to you. But I know what you are going thru my husband cheated after 15 years. But since you want to work on your marriage then just sit down and talk to your husband about whats been bothing you and why you feel the way you do. But I do think he needs to tell the ex to forget his number, so you both can work on getting past all this. I hope you both all the best and good luck!!
    Alabamamama06

    Answer by Alabamamama06 at 12:47 PM on Jun. 1, 2011

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