Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

3 Bumps

I feel awful saying this, but I didn't get that love at first sight feeling with my second child :/

I had a miserable last month with my first pregnancy. People were worried that I'd have PPD, but as soon as he was born it was just amazing. It was love at first sight and all of a sudden everything was perfect.

Well this pregnancy was planned. We had been TTC for a while, and I was so thrilled that it was finally happening. Then when I found out that we were lucky enough to have a girl I was even more excited. I enjoyed being pregnant, even for the last few weeks. She was only a day late and my labor was perfectly normal. She was born, they put her on my chest, and I was definitely happy to meet her, but it wasn't that same exact feeling as with my first. Now she's a few weeks old and I still feel like I'm learning to love her. Is that terrible to say? I think she's adorable, and she's a very good baby.

I'm not depressed, I love that my family is now complete. I guess maybe I'm just used to my son being able to talk to me and play with me. It's kind of weird to go back to the newborn stage all over again when my son can tell me that he loves me and give me hugs/kisses. I definitely can tell that my feelings are growing each day for her, but I was wondering if anyone else has experienced something similar to this? I feel really guilty :/

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:55 PM on May. 31, 2011 in Babies (0-12 months)

Answers (12)
  • this sounds so famillar. i am sure you are not alone. i will bump ya.
    lambdarose

    Answer by lambdarose at 12:02 AM on Jun. 1, 2011

  • Totally normal, you have the post baby blues. If it lasts longer then a couple of weeks or you have thoughts of hurting the baby or yourself call your MD right away. Take care and good luck.
    cookiecutter17

    Answer by cookiecutter17 at 12:02 AM on Jun. 1, 2011

  • yes, i totally know what you feel but i wont go into detail because you have bigger nades than i because i would feel sh#$$y for saying it so you can say it for me!! lol
    babygirl_18

    Answer by babygirl_18 at 12:12 AM on Jun. 1, 2011

  • I wonder if the reason the first baby brought instanaeous feelings of relief and and happiness were due to anxiety of the unknown. Here you had this negative experience leading up to so many unknowns..... then you realized that regardless of what happened the most important thing was now clear, you were a mommy and loved your baby and all of the turmoil was worth it. The second time you already knew what to expect and it sounds like you had a very calm and happy pregnancy. Also, if you really enjoyed your pregnancy---- maybe you are kinda bummed that the excitment of preparing is over. I remember how excited I was with my baby, knowing she was my last. That was the final time I'd ever be able to experience the excitment of preparing for a baby..... I loved it!
    LyvConMom

    Answer by LyvConMom at 12:12 AM on Jun. 1, 2011

  • I was the other way around. When my son was born he had to stay in the "special Care" nursery (not quite NICU, but similar). He was nearly a week old before I really got to spend lots of time with him. And yes, there was a warming up period. He was 3 1/2 when his sister was born. Because she was a planned C-section she was allowed to stay in my room with me so there was more of an instant bond with here. Something I did NOT get with my son.

    My kids are now 7 and 4 and both very special to me in their own ways.
    Rosehawk

    Answer by Rosehawk at 12:14 AM on Jun. 1, 2011

  • Thats normal! Dont feel like a bad mommy as long as you dont hurt your baby ir yourself you will be fine i was like that for about 2 weeks and i felt sooo crappy.about it! But i promise it will get better! My baby is now 8 months and i really cant ever see my life without her or her big sissy!
    raeyliNlilysmom

    Answer by raeyliNlilysmom at 12:30 AM on Jun. 1, 2011

  • I loved my son when he was born, it just wasn't that "mommy love" that everyone talks about. It took me MONTHS to actually feel that.
    PhoenixsMommy10

    Answer by PhoenixsMommy10 at 12:32 AM on Jun. 1, 2011

  • it is normal. maybe you just love her in a different way, maybe you are just nervous about how different a girl is than a boy. if you are concerned talk to your doctor.
    hismommy6509

    Answer by hismommy6509 at 1:06 AM on Jun. 1, 2011

  • Most ladies have the postpartum blues...It's normal for a little while, but if it lasts for weeks at a time and/or gets worse, definitely call the doc. You can have post partum depression without any thoughts of harming yourself or the baby.
    laird6372

    Answer by laird6372 at 1:46 AM on Jun. 1, 2011

  • I felt that way for quite a while after I had my second child. My first was planned, the second not. I felt extremely guilty the entire time I was pregnant. I loved number two just not the way I did when number one was first born. One day when number two was over a year, yes that long, it hit me- I loved the bejeezus out of this child. I literally cried I was so relieved. I called my husband "I DO love 'number two' " he said "Of course you do, I knew it. You just hadn't realized it."
    You probably shouldn't wait a whole year to see if it's going to happen to you. At your post partum check up you may want to express your concerns with your doctor.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:06 AM on Jun. 1, 2011

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN