Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

I want to help my stepchildren's mother?

A couple of weeks ago, my husband and I found out that the childrens grandfather ( their mother's dad), has advance cancer. Since then we have been exchanging days, alternating schedules trying to help her. Well today my husband found it that her father has advance cancer.... which means he may die. I may not like her and we may not get along, but this is horrible... and I really truely emphathize with her and feel sorry for her. Anyway, I want to send a note with the kids letting her know that although we do not get along, I would like to extend my sincere help if she needs the kids picked up last minute or anything I can do for the kids in order to help her. My hubby thinks that is a nice gesture, however, he suggested I ask all of you and get a different opinion from someone outside our circle..... what do you ladies advice?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 12:00 AM on Jun. 1, 2011 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

Answers (22)
  • rather then sending a note...i would speak with her on the phone or in person. notes are impersonable. this way its private ect. i am sorry for the loss. is a tough situation.

    Answer by lambdarose at 12:05 AM on Jun. 1, 2011

  • i think u should at least your showing her your support

    Answer by roxy0522 at 12:06 AM on Jun. 1, 2011

  • I think you are an amazing person to put aside your differences to offer help in such a difficult time. However, why do you want to say "even though we have our differences..." just say that you know that this is a difficult time for her and the children and you are willing to help in any way. I wish all step mothers would be like you.

    you rock


    Answer by Ashoonik at 12:08 AM on Jun. 1, 2011

  • not may make her feel your not sincere or like your trying to be snooty or something idk maybe call her and pray for her voicemail and leave her a voice message

    Answer by babygirl_18 at 12:08 AM on Jun. 1, 2011

  • ALthough I have never been in a situation like yours, I think its a good idea. Both of my parents are dead, and so I can say that losing a parent is an extremely hard ordeal for anyone to go through. My mother was sick and her last year was the hardest. So not only is it hard losing a parent, its very tough watching them fade out of existance and knowing there is nothing you can do. You and her share a mutual love for these children though. Given they are your step children and her biological children, you still love them I am sure. Not only is this tough on her, but I would imagine it has to be tough on the children. So you are not only helping her, but also the children that depend on all the adults in thier lives to guide them and teach them. By extending your offer to thier mother they will see that you are a compassionate and caring stepmother that realizes there are issues in life that are more important then dislike,

    Answer by BabyBeans0506 at 12:13 AM on Jun. 1, 2011

  • I would send her a card or note. "Through this difficult time please do not hesitate to call on me for anything, day or night. I want to do what's best for everyone involved in this sad situation" or something like that.

    Answer by Rosehawk at 12:20 AM on Jun. 1, 2011

  • you are a good person for that :) but i would talk to her on the phone or in person instead im sure she needs a shoulder to cry on

    Answer by hismommy6509 at 12:57 AM on Jun. 1, 2011

  • How do you all normally communicate? If it's in writing, then I think a note would be perfectly acceptable. I think it's very kind of you to do.

    Answer by laird6372 at 1:44 AM on Jun. 1, 2011

  • I think you should definitely let her know you are willing to help however possible. That is mighty big of you. I would also leave out the part about your differences, just let her know that you are willing to help where the kids are concerned. GL

    Answer by Genice6 at 10:57 AM on Jun. 1, 2011

  • I'd call her and let her know that your sorry to hear about her father. Tell her that your willing to help with the kids if she can let you know what needs to be done.

    Answer by KamiB79 at 4:45 PM on Jun. 1, 2011

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.