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3 Bumps

Staying out of relationship

my younger daughter is involved with a guy 8 years older than her. she just turned 20 last year. they have a 5 mon. old son together. i never approved of the relationship. i even told him he was too old for her. he has a 6 year old daughter with another woman. he never takes her anywhere on a date. claims no money or has to work. he goes out all the time with his friends. thinks they should only go out on family outings. my daughter hasnt dated much. to me it seems like he got what he wanted and isnt interested in a commited relationship. even though they were going to his hometown durning the summer.to me hes good friend material but not boyfreind material. ive tried giving him the benifit of the doubt but im running out of patience. he calls my daughter immature well shes not where he is right now. he is a good guy but hes not right for my daughter.

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stressedoutgran

Asked by stressedoutgran at 12:47 AM on Jun. 1, 2011 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 15 (2,324 Credits)
Answers (11)
  • I can understand your feeling on this and a Mothers intituition, however we can not pick peoples relationships for them, and we cant dictate who they should love or choose to share their lives with. Obviously she has chosen him as a serious partner as she has had his child, she is young but she is legally a woman at this point there is not much you can do about your daughters situation, this is something she is way into and she will have to make the decision for herself whether she continues the relationship or not, all you can do right now is true to support her whatever decision she makes, and be there to help her if it does indeed all fall apart. If the things you have noticed are indeed the way it is hopefully she will start to see that on her own, I am sure she knows your position, and you can still stick to your opinions on the matter while still support her.
    Princess_s21

    Answer by Princess_s21 at 12:54 AM on Jun. 1, 2011

  • when I was in high school I did the same thing to my parents. I dated a guy 12 years older than me and my parents were very upset! No matter what they said i wanted to do what I wanted to do. So I recommend to continue to give her advice but understand she will do what she feels. Have patience and know that eventually she will meet someone that treats her right. Since she is still young she has plenty of time. I remember at that age thinking that I would never find another guy, but that was not true. Help her gain confidence to realize she does not deserve to be treated thtat way.
    AllN1

    Answer by AllN1 at 1:00 AM on Jun. 1, 2011

  • well you are probably right BUT you getting involved is only going to have the reverse effect. ut'll make your daughter defensive about their relationship.. step back, let her see the issues herself and be there for her when the light turns on. trust me i was just like your daughter lol.
    xxhazeldovexx

    Answer by xxhazeldovexx at 1:25 AM on Jun. 1, 2011

  • Just be patient. She will eventually see the light...... Maybe. some times situations like this work out. but if you do push to make her not see him as a partner for life (especially with a child together) she will only push harder to stay with him regardless. If he is just actiing like he's not committed, then let it be, she will see that soon enough, her heart will be broken and she'll think her life is over, just be there for her. If he were hurting her physically etc, then you would need to step in. Lets face it, he's ONLY 28 he has yet to grow up too.
    nybor48

    Answer by nybor48 at 2:03 PM on Jun. 1, 2011

  • he broke it off with her.he compares her to his last girlfiends. he has a daughter with another woman he doesnt see her very often she lives in another state. he does support his kids. he talks about taking her to court. my daugher has nver told him he cant see his so. hes had problems with his daughters mom. my daughter has a son with another guy. shes never tolh him he cant see his son either. she wants them i their sons life. in my opinion hes being the jerk
    stressedoutgran

    Comment by stressedoutgran (original poster) at 6:12 PM on Jun. 1, 2011

  • She is immature, she's 20. Sounds like he want easy street. She needs to realize that she needs to be happy and grow with her child. Alone.

    ann666

    Answer by ann666 at 7:47 PM on Jun. 2, 2011

  • This is one of those "sticky situations" where....you want to help your kid SO MUCH but....there just isn't a whole lot you can do because it has to be her decision. Talks and advice but...still. Now he's the father of her child so they are really connected. I hope I don't have to standby and watch my daughter do this. I feel for you. I talked my daughter out of "dating" at a young age(16). Some think that's so cruel bcz she didn't get the dating experience but...in this day and age, these kids are too immature, we have way to many teen pregnancies and why date? Are they looking for a husband at 16yrs old?? They can't even take good care of their pet animals, let alone have a meaningful relationship. Then the girl ends up used and for no good reason other than....they thought they were 'ready' for sex. Nope. My daughter THANKS me now! JMO on that. I hope it works out for you and your daughter and all involved!
    KellyGirl_TX

    Answer by KellyGirl_TX at 12:44 PM on Jun. 4, 2011

  • let her learn from it=) juSt b there 4 support & ADVICE =)thats all we pretty much can do as parents!
    inahan

    Answer by inahan at 2:29 PM on Jun. 4, 2011

  • I know just how you feel. My daughter is seeing an idiot 5 yrs older than her and I think if they ever get married I'll die. I'm praying he will cheat on her (again) or do something else stupid so she will finally once and for all realize he is a jerk. I know it is so hard to stay out of it.
    Just keep up hope that she will come to her senses. she has many years left to be married to him and just as many to wise up.
    itsmesteph11

    Answer by itsmesteph11 at 9:36 PM on Jun. 4, 2011

  • Speaking as a daughter: most of my faimly relly dont like my husband, hes 8 yrs older than me and we been threw alot of things, they dont see him the way I see him and no matter what they say noone can change my mind about him, i know as a mother u want whats best for her but shes going to have to figure out whats best for her herself, i hope her being with this man is not hurting ur realionship with her, but if u keep trying to break them up it might,,,, just be there as much as u can for her it sounds like she needs you!!! '
    good luck&prayers
    carol00

    Answer by carol00 at 12:48 AM on Jun. 9, 2011

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