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2 Bumps

Sole custody

I know this is going to get general answers but I need advice. I am going to get sole custody of my children soon. I have to get the low income help from the courts for this. My ex has told my son he is washing his hands of him and did the same to my daughter 5 years ago. Now, he likes to look good to teachers, any authority figure for that matter and may fight this even though he has not tried to contact my son since he said this ( it's been about a month now). I live in California too by the way. I have saved emails over the years which show that I have tried repetedly to get him to parent with me in a adult manner and his answers, well, show that he has no interest in doing that. I have phone bills that show he has not tried to contact my children in a long time. I just don't want a fight. He lies a lot about me, but I believe most of it I can show that it's not true and I have been doing everything to help my kids, not hurt them ( such as getting them therapy ). I have told him, if he wants to take me to court or call the police on me, then to go ahead, I have nothing to hide, and of course, he never did that because he knows it's not true what he is saying. Am I over-thinking this ? I also have found out recently that he has been smoking weed, after he told me he stopped. I want to have him drug tested on the spot so he can't get the chance to clean his system out. It seems like it should be pretty easy but I am afraid they may make us go to therapy together or try to work it out ( oh sure ) or he'll act like super dad and just lie his butt off. My kids are also 14 and 16 years old. thanks

Answer Question

Asked by eblue3 at 5:04 AM on Jun. 1, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 2 (10 Credits)
Answers (3)
  • At 14 and 16 the children are old enough to testify in court. You can also have thier therapist testify on thier behalf. Marijuana testing is easy to thwart and you don't even have to be prepared for it. If I were you I'd let that go. Don't attack him as a person, just talk about what's best for your kids. Let him try to trash you. It will just make him look immature and ignorant. Rise above that pettiness and be the bigger person. Your best defense is the Childs therapist. He/she is a professional in the eyes of the court and the judge will believe them over any other testimony.

    Answer by Ms.Gwen at 8:02 AM on Jun. 1, 2011

  • You need to tell friend of the court about this. That's where you will get your best answers.

    Answer by shannon979 at 10:04 AM on Jun. 1, 2011

  • thank you so much for your answers. I did not even think about talking to the therapist. I know my daughter for sure does not ever want to see him but my son, he's more forgiving, and it's okay, I want him to have a relationship, but his father refuses. I don't want to ever say no, you can't see your dad and I won't. It's just that my son has a lot of medical and mental issues that need addressing and I do not want him coming around telling me I am making these issues up ( shoot, the therapist knows) and the doctors know they are real. So, I guess I really have nothing to worry about. I try very, very hard never to talk bad ( to the kids) about their father, I see how it affects them when he says things about me, and that is so wrong for either one of us to do. you would think that after 11 years of being divorced, all this would have stopped.

    Comment by eblue3 (original poster) at 11:49 AM on Jun. 1, 2011

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