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Do as I say, not as I do

Do you think it is fair to punish a young child for behaviors that he picks up from YOU?
If the parents are continuously doing the thing they keep punishing their kid for, who's in the wrong? The child for mimicing his parents or the parents for modeling bad behavior?


Asked by Nicoles2LilRams at 7:31 AM on Jun. 1, 2011 in General Parenting

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Answers (14)
  • I agree that the parents are at fault... In a perfect world... But how old is the child? What is the offense? Nothing in this world is that black and white... For example...

    I am a smoker. If I caught my nine year old smoking, I would feel very guilty; but I would still punish him. What kind of parent would I be if I didn't?!

    Answer by Ms.Gwen at 7:46 AM on Jun. 1, 2011

  • The parents who want their child to behave should be behaving themselves first, end of.

    Answer by kylie_bob at 7:32 AM on Jun. 1, 2011

  • the parents for modeling the behavior then thinking it's ok to correct them

    Answer by amberpaiz at 7:42 AM on Jun. 1, 2011

  • I know what you mean. I don't know how many times my kids say, "Well mom you do it!" I say to them, "I'm mom, I can!" Lol!!! Than that's it, they don't say or do it again.

    Answer by shannon979 at 10:01 AM on Jun. 1, 2011

  • I agree with Ms.Gwen. I don't think there is one answer. It would have to be a case by case situation. Generally speaking though, when it comes to character traits and emotional responses, the parent shouldn't expect an action from the child that they themselves wouldn't/couldn't display. I believe that this creates a resentment and lack of respect for authority esp as the child gets older.

    Answer by ei_home at 7:57 AM on Jun. 1, 2011

  • Ms.Gwen, I absolutely would as well! But I believe that at 9 she knows smoking at her age is illegal.
    I'm talking about kids who are't in school yet. Hitting, swearing, yelling.. that sort of thing.

    "Stop f*#%ing cursing!"
    "Don't *whack* hit *whack* people!"
    Not limited to those examples, but you get my meaning.

    Comment by Nicoles2LilRams (original poster) at 8:00 AM on Jun. 1, 2011

  • I'm sorry, *he

    Comment by Nicoles2LilRams (original poster) at 8:02 AM on Jun. 1, 2011

  • No, you cannot punish a child for doing something you do ! How on earth can anyone possibly punish a child for something like that when YOU taught it to them?? !!! How hypocritical !!

    If you are a smoker, and your child smokes ... yes, you should feel guilty .. but punish him for copying YOU ?? I think not ! What you should do .. is explain how bad it is for everyone .. and help him by giving up yourself ! Of course apologising to him for teaching him bad things is good too, because he can then see that even adults 'make mistakes' ... but that you are willing to 'do better' too ...


    Answer by TealRose1 at 8:02 AM on Jun. 1, 2011

  • Again no, you cannot punish the child who merely follows it's own parents by swearing and hitting... you can only teach them not to do so ... calmly and gently and stop your own bad behaviour ... or talk with the parents.. if you dare...

    Answer by TealRose1 at 8:12 AM on Jun. 1, 2011

  • I dont punish mine for things I realize they might get from me. My dd is 22 with 2 kids and I catch her punishing her kids for things I know they learned from her. I remind her it isnt right to do that and the best way to stop a child from doing the bad thing is to stop doing it yourself.

    Answer by gemgem at 8:15 AM on Jun. 1, 2011