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2 Bumps

My ML is putting a wedge in our marriage!

After 11 years of marriage I don't think that my ML has accepted me yet, I have bit my lip hundreds of times and just took the abuse. I am a person that considers herself fair and always tries to do the right thing. for five years I kept bottled up something that suppose to be a secret between her and her husband. Only thing everybody knows what the secret is and nobody has ever confronted them about after this years "the pot" started boiling over and they all stated getting on each others throats! It started affecting my marriage I was at the point were I couldn't take it anymore!!! AHHH! So I confronted both the parents and they both lied! There is proof about the secret so we all know they are lie. I probably shouldn't have brought anything up but I couldn't stand all the drama,backstabbing and lies anymore I was waiting for my hubby to get a job in either 3 states but I think I am going to apply at a child care facility in the state of my choice and move away from all this drama and this will forced my husband to only look for jobs in this particular state. This is all driving me crazy!! And to think I decided to come here so that my hubby would be able to have a good relationship with his parents! I feel I shot myself in the foot!! I didn't think I'd be here this long! :(

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 8:58 AM on Jun. 1, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • I can tell you from personal experience that there are some MILs out there that you just can not get along with. My husband and I have been married for 16 years and together for 18. I spent the first 12 years of our relationship trying very hard to get along with his mom, and taking a lot of verbal and emotional abuse from her. Finally, on our 10th wedding anniversary I decided to give myself a gift - I no longer had to try and be nice to her. I can't change her, but I can change me. So, she is still hateful, rude, manipulative and just a flat out b*tch, but when she invites herself to visit, I go about my life as normal. I don't go out of my way to do things for her and I have finally gotten a holiday without her (this Christmas was our first in 18 years!). You need to do what is right for you, and it sounds like that is getting away from that toxic woman. Good luck (c:

    scout_mom

    Answer by scout_mom at 9:06 AM on Jun. 1, 2011

  • You should never dredge up a family's dirty little secret and expect it to go over well. You need to distance yourself from her.

    pookiekins34

    Answer by pookiekins34 at 9:16 AM on Jun. 1, 2011

  • sounds like my SIL. Glad we all can relate somehow except that i have moved closer to her, why would the almighty fix a life for us to have us move closer to the enemy? i cant move so i'm not sure what to do. She has a obsession with baby items and her family members having babies so i can not wait for the day she asks the same question that she did to me to her brother's new baby, "Can i move in to be your in home sitter?" YIKES!

    we all gotta learn someway, more harder then others. Good luck on your job hunting!
    americansugar80

    Answer by americansugar80 at 9:24 AM on Jun. 1, 2011

  • I think moving out of state is an excellent idea. I also think no bride should bite her lip for her mother-in-law's benefit. If the woman is rude to you look at her like a piece of sh!t and say "excuse me." It is a one-size-fits-all comment that lets the other person know that you will not be walked on. You don't have to be friends, but a mutual respect is required. And your husband should be backing you up on that.
    LoveMyDog

    Answer by LoveMyDog at 9:24 AM on Jun. 1, 2011

  • This same thing happened in my family. It was all stupid really. My aunt's oldest kid's bio dad was not her husband. They met when my cousin was a baby, and married when she was a little girl, too young to remember it all.

    Everyone knew about it, but my aunt never told my cousin. When her first child was born she was giving the doctors the wrong genetic information! So my aunt picked a fight with my mom one day and my mom threatened to tell my cousin, so my aunt told her and never spoke to my mom again, other than to insult her.

    I don't know what the secret is, but I agree with Pookiekins. maybe you did need to speak up, but this sort of thing never goes smoothly. I say distance yourself, send her birthday cards, that sort of thing. Stay as respectful to them as possible, be the bigger person but don't let yourself get sucked into the mess.
    I did a few times in my life and I'll never do it again!
    ItsMe89

    Answer by ItsMe89 at 9:58 AM on Jun. 1, 2011

  • care to say what the secret is? you're posting anon anyhow.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:59 AM on Jun. 1, 2011

  • I know how you feel sweetie.Sounds like my life.To make it worse I have special needs kids that complicate the situation with them greatly.I never had a chance with my hubby's family and never will. I do not like all the negativaty they bring so now if my hubby wants to have anything to do with them its not in my house and me n my kids aren't there.Sorry you are going through this I know how shitey it can make you feel and frustrated at the same time.You can only hold so much in so I feel your pain.Do not let her make you feel anyway but good , do not stand for that and your man needs to have your back. I wish you the best of luck and send some happiness your way but first I gotta dig it out lol
    Brandy928

    Answer by Brandy928 at 10:00 AM on Jun. 1, 2011

  • Well the thing is that you should not have confronted them on a secret, unless if affected you directly, Your husband is to blame for allowing them to treat you poorly,, it sounds like your going to move without him? I don't think running away is going to solve anything, I think you and DH need to have a long talk about where your boundaries are and what kind of contact you are going to have with them. It may be harder than you think to take your kids out of state without their father. If you left the kids with him, and went alone, these people would be involved with your kids even more.
    kimigogo

    Answer by kimigogo at 10:30 AM on Jun. 1, 2011

  • scout_mom said it PERFECTLY!!!! I am in the same situation. I will be married 12 years next month (been together 17 years) and my MIL doesn't accept me. She is rude, selfish, degrading, ect... I decided last year that I am not going to change how she feels about me as much as I tried, and believe me, I tried! Now, I don't give a s**t what she thinks and it is awesome! I am who and am and my husband loves me know matter what she thinks and that is all that matters.
    Mel_in_PHX

    Answer by Mel_in_PHX at 11:53 AM on Jun. 1, 2011

  • Hugs!! I think moving away from them sounds like a VERY good idea.... cause you don't need their drama in your life. Good luck with the job hunting!!!
    MizLee

    Answer by MizLee at 12:00 PM on Jun. 1, 2011

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