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How can I hold my tongue about money during the holidays?

My 20-yo dd and I are room-mates now, which is a tough transition. But she takes advantage of me financially if I don't call her on it. I'm in a position where I cannot rent in my own name due to an eviction from last year. Part of the reason I got evicted was due to irresponsibility on my dd's part in not doing what was needed at the Welfare office, causing me to lose my FS and medical bene's, then moving back in with me and not paying me any rent, when she knew I was getting evicted. She's getting petty now about money that I've given her to fund a trip for her birthday next spring when she turns 21. She canceled the trip, received a refund for the hotel we'd prepaid, and plans to spend the money on HER xmas w/o giving me back the $ I'd put into the account. I don't want to get into a pissing contest over $ around the holidays, but I really need the money myself and can't just "let it go" this time; it's $500!


Asked by jburg2541 at 2:16 PM on Dec. 9, 2008 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 2 (10 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (12)
  • Dont get into it with her. Just act like the adult and tell her to do the same. Tell her you need money for xmas as well and you need your share back, period.

    Answer by asholan_07 at 2:19 PM on Dec. 9, 2008

  • show her your bills and ask her what she thinks she should do? Hopefully the ligh bulb will go off in her head and she won't be selfish.

    Answer by Apr1l at 2:19 PM on Dec. 9, 2008

  • dude! she's 20 she should be adult enough to handle it herself she needs to budget and be able to carry her own weight!

    Answer by watersgirls at 2:19 PM on Dec. 9, 2008

  • She is an adult be strraight up. Be an adult, refuse to have a caterwalling teenage fight about it. Then..find a new roomie.

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 2:27 PM on Dec. 9, 2008

  • You gave the money to her for a trip. Now that she has cancelled the trip, she should be a grown up and give you your money back.


    Answer by dmoradi at 4:04 PM on Dec. 9, 2008

  • (orig. post).... I don't know whether she just "doesn't get it" or if she thinks I'm so stupid that I won't catch on. The rent for our apt is $675, but she has a cat (another $25/month rent) and she wanted a garage for her car instead of just a covered spot (an additional $50/month rent). Now, in my mind, we should be splitting $675 and the extra $75 should come from her. But NOOOO, our rent is split $375/each .... and now it's been a number of months that I've been "letting it go" and it's really starting to annoy me!

    Answer by jburg2541 at 4:15 PM on Dec. 9, 2008

  • Wow, on those facts! I wish you didn't have to share. Do you make more than she does? Have you always payed for things for her? Are their siblings? Would she sit with you and spend time going over both of your budgets?

    Answer by lovewing at 11:35 PM on Dec. 9, 2008

  • For someone who qualifies for foodstamps, what are you doing planning extravagant birthday trips? These are the people who use the system and piss me off. Nice way to spend my dollar.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:13 AM on Dec. 10, 2008

  • Holidays or no holidays your daughter needs told that u expect your money ......

    Answer by maggy241 at 2:03 PM on Dec. 10, 2008

  • I was on food stamps before I got evicted from my apartment, waiting for Social Security to approve my disability. They jerked me around for five years. I ONLY used food stamps when I NEEDED them! And the last year that I needed them, my dd messed up her appt and got them canceled. I would NEVER use benefits that I didn't qualify for, and trust me, I worked my ass off for many years putting a LOT of money into a system that I took very little out of.

    Answer by jburg2541 at 2:50 PM on Dec. 10, 2008