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I feel like no matter how hard I try, its just not enough...

My marriage is falling apart and no matter how hard I try, nothing makes a difference bc DH isn't trying with me. Obviously bc of this I've been unhappy, he told me I'm being a bitch and he can't take it anymore..I apologise and try to explain and he cuts me off saying "u dnt need to explain, just stop being a bitch."

I feel like giving up, I do all the things around the house, i work and have my own income (which I'm not "allowed" to spend,) I raise our ds by myself bc DH gets angry if i ask for help... But I love him so much that I don't know if i can just let go.

I cry every day, I try talking, explaining, understanding, compromising... In the end he always gets the upper hand and I give in.

It hadn't always been this way, our two yr marriage anniversary is next week, we've been together for almost six yrs. It all started when I found out I was pregnant with our DS who's 9 mo now. He wasn't a planned baby and we weren't exactly ready to become parents but to me thats not an excuese cause I made the changes and sacrifices I had to make for the sake of our DS and I guess I expected DH to get over himself and grow up... Not pout and act like a kid, playing video games instead of spending time with DS.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:10 PM on Jun. 1, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (6)
  • You are not :allowed" to spend your money? WTH?! He sounds controlling.
    pookiekins34

    Answer by pookiekins34 at 3:13 PM on Jun. 1, 2011

  • *hugs * I have no advice if he's not willing to do some work - I am so sorry you are going thorugh this, although you may love him with all your heart, your DS deserves to be with happy parents.. not watching you be called a bitch or taken for granted. I am so sorry-
    maxsmom11807

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 3:13 PM on Jun. 1, 2011

  • Just wait for you DS to say his first words your DH is going to be so happy. In general men fear the BIG responsibility of being a dad for the first time. And it is completely normal that you feel that he has become distant. Give it some time. It is all part og growing up and becoming an adult. The last part was addressed to your DH.
    MMXI

    Answer by MMXI at 3:23 PM on Jun. 1, 2011

  • I say tell him to go fuck himself and leave. You have your own income. 18 months (9 while preg and 9 of being born) is WAY more than enough time for him to grow up. He doesn't sound like he will ever be the man you and your baby deserve. I HATE when women give in and accept all the blame when it's not all theirs to accept. So take your money, your baby and your love and leave him.
    Kari727

    Answer by Kari727 at 3:42 PM on Jun. 1, 2011

  • I would not stick around and be put thru that. your Son deserves better. unfortunately the DH sounds like even though you've been together for 6 years, he is still not ready to be responsible for anyone, let alone a child. Maybe if you leave he will figure out that he has just lost the best thing in his life and everything will be wonderful. but also if you leave it may just show you that he really wasn't ready. either way you need to think of your child, it's not just your feelings anymore. good luck
    nybor48

    Answer by nybor48 at 4:26 PM on Jun. 1, 2011

  • It sounds like your husband is blaming you for the "downside" associated with having a new baby whether he realizes it or not. Obviously, the child has completely changed life as you once knew it. Seems like DH resents the situation and is "acting-out" towards you. The longer this goes on, the more difficult it will be to repair. Where once you were a "team", you're now on opposing sides. The solution is to find what will bring you back together. First of all, you have to be more assertive. Don't "satellite" life around the baby, he should blend into what your lives were like before his birth. Show your husband the child isn't the burden he sees him as. Get out of the house, take walks or go to the park. The baby can eat/sleep fine wherever. If he's fussy, handle it in a no-nonsense manner and continue. Keep your child's best interest in mind but also show DH he's just as important as always.


    InquiringMind

    Answer by InquiringMind at 8:55 PM on Jun. 1, 2011

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