Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

2 Bumps

Kids and divorce???

How do I get my kids to understand that mommy and daddy aren't going to be together anymore? They are2 and 5 and my 5 year old understands more than my 2 year old, but they only ask for him at bed time. They don't even seem to notice he isn't around until time to go to bed. What can i do o make it easier on them and me?

Answer Question

Asked by 2_amazing_boys at 4:53 PM on Jun. 1, 2011 in Relationships

Level 5 (91 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • Time. It will be their new "normal". It's much easier on them when they are younger like that. They will adjust

    Answer by admckenzie at 5:00 PM on Jun. 1, 2011

  • I agree. Time will help them adjust.

    Answer by trish2tew at 5:10 PM on Jun. 1, 2011

  • tell the truth, snuggle them kiss them love them and be there everynight they go to sleep.. in time they will be ok..

    Answer by girlglow6 at 5:36 PM on Jun. 1, 2011

  • Maybe letting them talk to him on the phone at bed time would help. I understand separation can get ugly, but if you want to do the best thing for the kids, learn to love them more than you hate him. Providing a good example to them even during the separation, no matter how hard it is, will have the best long-term effects. This can be easier said than done and it may require you to not let him determine your behavior. In other words, don't let him "make" you angry or overreact(especially in the presence of your kids.)

    Answer by allstayathome at 5:37 PM on Jun. 1, 2011

  • make sure the 5 year old understands its not their fault and they will adjust. My kids were 2,4,&6. My (2 at the time) 5 year old has no memory of me ever living with her father.. she only knows because her dumb dad brings stuff up to her.

    Answer by momof3ak at 5:40 PM on Jun. 1, 2011

  • Tell them the truth and it all takes time to adjust. They are young and will get it sooner or later. Hugs for a difficult time!

    Answer by Moms_Angels1960 at 6:05 PM on Jun. 1, 2011

  • The biggest thing is that even when they talk to their dad he doesn't want to talk to them he wants to tallk to me. He will talk to them long enough to say good night and then that's i. He doesn't care enough to talk to them, but wants to hang over my head that I'm hurting them by not being with them.

    Comment by 2_amazing_boys (original poster) at 6:13 PM on Jun. 1, 2011

  • Split when kids were 4.5 & 9:
    Make it clear if u call for them to say good night that is what it's about, nothing else, & don't let him pull u into a long conversation.
    That said, u don't have to call at all, just reassure them & in time they will learn the "new normal." It is SO normal for them to need reassurance.

    Answer by suemayonline at 10:15 PM on Jun. 1, 2011

  • The reassurance thing I have under control. I went and picked my 5 year old up from my in-laws today and he was worried about me getting there before daddy got off work because he is tired of us fighting. I just wish that I could be like we are done so I don't even have to deal with you for any reason anymore, but I always promised myself that if we never worked out then I wouldn't keep my kids from him because my mom did it to me when I was little. I mean all in all I know that I have to give it time and maybe that's the answer to all of this because I know that before it's over with he's going to push it until he loses visitation completely court ordered or otherwise.

    Comment by 2_amazing_boys (original poster) at 8:39 PM on Jun. 2, 2011

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.