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I'm so confused...

My SO and I live together. We've been together for about 2 years, and I have 2 kids from my first marriage; he has no kids but was also married before.

Lately, I feel like all he ever does is criticize me. And it's frequently unconstructive criticism, like insulting me. Whenever I tell him that what he says hurts, he claims it's because it's true. Now, I won't claim to be perfect, some of what he says may be true. But he criticizes EVERYTHING about me, my kids, my family, my friends. There is nothing he doesn't criticize.

I do love him, although at this moment, I'm not sure I could explain to anyone why I love him. I love the him he used to be, I guess. He has acknowledged that he is stressed (which I understand, I am too. We have money problems right now.), and has said that he blames me for the fact that we haven't moved to another town where he feels he could get a different job that he would like better. The thing is, I never said he couldn't move. I told him that, given the issues we have in our relationship right now, I am not comfortable taking my children 2 hours away from all of our friends and family. I said if he wanted to move there, I would not be happy, but I would understand. He chose to stay.

I feel stuck between a rock and a hard place here. I cry at the thought of leaving him, because I do love him. But I also cry at the thought of being with him because of the way he treats me lately. I do believe that most of our problems are stemming from stress, but it's getting to the point where I just can't take it anymore. And the stress isn't going to go away any time soon, probably not ever, so it's not like I can tell myself we just need to get through a little longer.

I don't know what I should do. If I leave him, my kids and I will have to move back in with my parents for a while. And I feel like I will always wonder if I gave up on what could have worked. At the same time, I feel like if I stay, I'm just going to begin feeling worse and worse about myself and that eventually my kids might hear him and I don't want them to think they should act that way.

Any advice? Stay, leave? Murder? :) Ok, not serious on the last one. But I had to do something to make myself smile.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 6:33 PM on Jun. 1, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • I would leave. Why take this crap. This is not love.

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:36 PM on Jun. 1, 2011

  • I had this problem and I left.... I am miserable and hurt and sad. Funny thing is, the idiot is still being an idiot. I would say try until you feel as if you have exhausted every last effort you have in you or you will probably have regrets. Throwing away a family for something that can be fixed is a crappy thing to carry on your shoulders.


    Answer by amazinggrace83 at 6:36 PM on Jun. 1, 2011

  • you dont deserve the abuse. Its not healthy for you or your kids. If he is not willing to stop, then move forward. You are only allowing him to continue to degrade you, lower your self esteem, beat you down, emotionally, verbally, & Mentally abuse you. It takes alot out of you in the long run, harder to think you are worth something to someone when this is all you've heard for yrs. This is not love and you know this, you know its wrong. remember you deserve happiness,love,and a partner.

    Answer by kkbird at 6:49 PM on Jun. 1, 2011

  • it is not love. It is habit and fear.

    Answer by tootoobusy at 7:07 PM on Jun. 1, 2011

  • What you are beginning to experience is emotional abuse and control. I went through this myself in an 8 yr marriage. I stayed because of our 4 yr old son and the hope the things would get better if only I would change. Your SO is not doing these cruel things to you because of stress or other issues as he claims, it is just who he is. I can almost promise you if you stay with him this behavior will only get worse and you cannot subject you and your children to that.

    I did not know what to do, how to get out, where to go, etc. I was terrified and knew I would have to rely on my parents as well. One year later I can tell you my life away from hy ex is so much more joyful, peaceful, and I am building a sense of self-esteem that was slowly chipped away by the same type of treatment you are receiving. It is not an easy choice to make and actually follow through on, but in the end I believe you truely will find more happiness.

    Answer by kdwiegandt at 8:46 PM on Jun. 1, 2011

  • Why would you even think about staying in a relationship that your aren't happy in? Are you getting anything positive and encouraging from him at all? You have more of an option than many women on this site do and that is a place to move to with your children. Go, get out, start to make a good happy home for your self and your children.


    Answer by meooma at 8:52 PM on Jun. 1, 2011

  • He is more then likely getting in the habit of degrading you. So, when and if you guys do move, this won't stop. He will just find some other reason for doing it. You have brought it to his attention that he's doing it and that it's hurting you. He should have stopped. Stress or no stress, what he is doing is wrong. He should be relying on you for some stress relief, some support. NOT abusing you. NOT blaming you for the stress.
    My husband doesn't enjoy being in the Army, he really doesn't. He doesn't enjoy being treated the way he is. It's almost 9 pm, and he's not home. Because of stupid bull shit. He deploys in a few months. This is mucked up. I feel he is trapped in a career he is unhappy in because of me and our kids. He was set to get out when I found out I was pregnant. I feel bad. He doesn't feel that way. He does what he has to to support us. Your SO needs to get his head out of his ass.

    Answer by Raine2001 at 9:01 PM on Jun. 1, 2011

  • COUNSELING. A counselor can help you see where you need to go.

    Answer by gdiamante at 9:23 PM on Jun. 1, 2011

  • I vote leave. He is not a nice person and I'd hate for it to get worse.

    Answer by itsmesteph11 at 9:40 PM on Jun. 1, 2011

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