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How to address "stranger danger"

When did you have that talk with your kids? How did you go about talking to them about it? Did it lead in to the "no one touches you down there" talk?..and how did you talk about that one?

Just curious, I keep seeing a lot of posts about kids being sexually abused, or thought to be, and articles about strangers and so on, I was just wondering. My dd is 3 and is terrified of anyone she doesn't know (sahm), and since she's been potty trained for almost a year, she has become a lot more modest, and we always try to explain that big girls keep their clothes/jammies on all the time, and that only she can touch herself on her "lala" (what she calls her vagina) like when she wipes after going potty.

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Asked by Anonymous at 11:38 PM on Jun. 1, 2011 in General Parenting

Answers (7)
  • I have no issue with you calling her private area her "la la", in fact that one is kinda cute, but what she wipes after peeing is NOT her vagina. This is a pet peeve of mine. The vagina is the opening your tampon or your partners penis goes in. The genital area is her vulva (or la la) but NOT her vagina.

    To answer your question, though, we talked to the kids from about the age of 2 or 3, about strangers, but keep it fairly casual - I don't see any point in making her fearful of folks she doesn't know as long as she is still with me 24/7. It's more important when they start school or kindy, whenever that is.

    Answer by judimary at 11:44 PM on Jun. 1, 2011

  • I talked with mine like at 2-3yrs old. About strangers bad touch.good touch. Everything....and we still talk about it now(there 5,7,2 now) like every other day

    Answer by kyheavensmom at 11:45 PM on Jun. 1, 2011

  • I really like this children's book "Getting Smart About Your Private Parts by Gail Saltz and Lynne Avril Cravath". It tells tips w/out scaring your child. Another great DVD is called Stranger Danger.  You can get both at libraries.  And you can check a good book store too.  Read through the bk and see if you are comfortable with it and preview the video too before sharing to make sure you agree w/ what is being said.


    Answer by Lynette at 11:45 PM on Jun. 1, 2011

  • I started when my kids were about that age. I kept it very short and simple. Kids that age have very short attention spans. I didn't go into full detail about the rape and molestation until my oldest had the maturation class in 5th grade. Many kids are raped or molested by a family member or a friend of the family. For me, someone told me that they could do something to me that would make me feel good. "Don't you want to feel good?....." My oldest is 13. I have a 9 yr old, too. With my 9 yr old, I point out the kids that have been kidnapped and that their kidnapping has made the news and I make sure that he realizes their age. I talk to him about the fact that it can happen to him.

    Answer by dustbunny at 12:03 AM on Jun. 2, 2011

  • Most strangers are good. Your child could some day be in a situation where they are in need of some one may be a stranger. Let them know to always approach women with children or a person in uniform. Unfortunately, more often then not abuse is by some one the child knows. The best way to protect her is through information, look to see what the red flags are & inform her as you have done. Keep up the great work! I pray she will never be abused, only loved.

    Answer by 1northwestmom at 12:35 AM on Jun. 2, 2011

  • Unfortunately 95 % of kids who are sexually abused are abused by persons known to them or their own family so "stranger danger" teaching is not that helpful. Plus when my kids were little they never met a stranger. Anyone who seemed normal or nice to them they didn't identify as a stranger. You must WATCH and supervise your children! You can't rely on them to protect themselves they are too young and have no concept of sex.

    Answer by blackisbetter at 5:00 AM on Jun. 2, 2011

  • I'm not relying on dd to take care of herself..I simply asked how and when did everyone have that talk..and then if it led in to the other talk..I wasn't implying that it's a stranger that abuses kids, I was, again, just asking if having the talk about stranger led into the other one. I keep a very close eye on her, thank you for implying that I don't...even though you don't know me.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 2:43 PM on Jun. 2, 2011

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