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2 Bumps

How did you feel?

If you are a woman who birthed a infant/s that was placed for Adoption. Did the infant/s you birthed, that was placed with parent/s through Adoption.

Once grown did that infant/s, you once birthed and had then been placed with parents through Adoption. Turn around and feel you are were never the Mother of the infant/s you birthed, that had been placed with parent/s through Adoption.

Did that now grown being, that your birthed, and had been placed with parents through Adoption. feel, that because you are not the Mother to them, that you do not love them and that means they don't need to love you, since you are not the Mother/Father? And the real Mother/Father is the Parent/s they were placed with through the blessing of Adoption?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 3:40 AM on Jun. 2, 2011 in Adoption

Answers (9)
  • I am a birthed into adoption adult. I need and want my Natural Mothers love. The Love as Mother and child was taken away from both of us for many many years BECAUSE of adoption. That is NOT a blessing!!! It's a nightmare

    Real mom? That's adoptions trick on both Mothers.....the old switcharoony...make the real Mother a non-mother, and the other one gets to pretend she gave birth with paperwork to prove it. Whats *real* about this charade?


    Answer by adopteeme at 5:04 AM on Jun. 2, 2011

  • ADOPTEEME...Right on! I would like to add ,If one 'says/states BIRTHED' enough as if in only incubating, it might make one 'FEEL' like a real/only mother. But hell I don't know, there is no pretending as a First/Natural/Original Mom, I simply Love my twin sons. They were ,simply by the grace of the higher powers, raised by good parents. I LOVE communicating with them, after all this time:) They have many many genetic traits, and alot of similarities in our likes/dislike. However I have not been informed that "they feel as if they were 'only birthed' and actually one of them calls me his first parent:) Love it! Sorry you feel a need to even have to ask this, it must be weighing on your heart/mind:( JMHO,CJ~

    Answer by ceejay1 at 7:38 AM on Jun. 2, 2011

  • bump


    Answer by sherribeare at 12:34 PM on Jun. 2, 2011

  • Your "blessing of adoption" usage suggests to me that maybe you are an adoptive parent who hopes their adopted child will feel this way. Not too many birth moms would consider adoption a "blessing" for them. And your use of the world "real" mom makes me think you are not educated about adoption.

    I happen to believe that both adoptive and birth moms are "real" moms. I am fortunate enough to have developed a long-lasting and warm relationship with the son I relinquished at birth over 41 years ago. He found me 8-9 years ago, until then he had no idea whether I loved him or not. Now, he knows that I love him and regret having relinquished him.

    Although I did not raise him, I am his mother too. All adopted children have two sets of parents and I think that is important for them to know from day one. Giving birth to a child makes one the mother of that child, as does adopting a child.


    Answer by Southernroots at 12:48 PM on Jun. 2, 2011

  • P.S. I don't think my son is required or needs to love me. He didn't know me for the first 32 years of his life. But, he does and I am grateful that he does.

    Answer by Southernroots at 12:50 PM on Jun. 2, 2011

  • Sorry, no. My daughter calls me mom too. She has two families. One thorough nature & one through adoption. She is an adult & this is how she feels about it.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:23 PM on Jun. 2, 2011

  • It saddens me if you are either an adoptive parent or a mother who has lost a child to adoption that you believe the things you wrote. As the others have mentioned, an adoptee has two mothers and two fathers. All of them are real. I don't know any pretend human beings. Also, in order for one family to experience the "blessing of adoption", another family experiences the very unnatural act of being torn apart. Adoption is built on tremendous loss to the natural family and the adoptee.

    To answer your question, my son has always known that he has two mothers ~ one who gave birth to him and one who raised him. My son knows that I have always loved him, I tell him often that I have always and will always love him unconditionally. I can't speak for him, but I don't think that he feels that he "needs" to love me, I believe that his love towards me is just natural.

    Answer by susie703 at 1:47 PM on Jun. 2, 2011

  • I'm not an adoptee nor a first/birth mom... I'm an adoptive mom. But I feel strongly and instill in my kids that both myself and the first moms who love them are real. Our roles are very different but we're both real. NOW - my children were not adopted via domestic infant adoption, they've all been adopted via foster care and their first moms have made decisions that weren't in their best interests and life with their biological families hasn't been possible - but they DO love them in the way that they can.

    I always wonder if it's just a need for validation that makes one party or the other need to be the "REAL" one. Why can't both be real? I'm really a mother to my children and only one of them grew in my body.

    My kids all love their first mothers - they don't "need" to love them - they just do. Not because they must - but because they're their mother.

    Answer by AAAMama at 2:25 PM on Jun. 2, 2011

  • No. My adoptee son knows I'm his mother, as well as his adoptive mother. He knows I love him and always have, and he loves me. He once told me that he "realized" he loved me the first time he saw my picture. Not "fell in love with me", but "realized" he had always loved me.

    Like the others have said the term "real" doesn't belong in adoption. Adoptees have two sets of parents, they may not have a relationship with both of them, but they are both really their family.

    Why are you asking? Is it that you have a grown child that's thinking of reuniting with their birth parent(s) and it's making you feel insecure? If so, I can recommend several books on reunion that may put your mind at rest. Reunion usually strengthens the bonds between Adoptee and Adoptive family.

    Answer by onethentwins at 6:50 PM on Jun. 2, 2011

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