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2 Bumps

Would you be anxious about this or just keep saying "trust him" and not let it get to you

We were separated for a month, this was back 3 months ago. During that separation he had an online "thing" with someone that he met in world of warcraft. They never met, was purely online. I know it was a rebound type of deal, something to help him cope cause at the time divorce was a possibility. We fixed the issue that caused our separation and are doing really well now. He has not been playing world of warcraft at all since I got home these past couple months. He just got back on today. He has always loved that game, I used to play as well. Part of me feels anxious cause she is on their somewhere..that is hwo they met and I don't konw if they will talk and be buddy buddy cause in my opinion she needs to be dead to him, never say one word again, you can't be friends after that. I know he is not playing for her, its for himself..he's a gamer.

Should I be anxious about this or should I just let it go, trust him and not potentially create an issue where they might not be one.

To add, he does not know that I know he met her in wow. He does not know a lot of the things about her that I know, cause he was telling someone about it and that person passed that info onto me. So no I cannot say hey, that girl you had a thing with in wow, you can't talk to her.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 7:13 AM on Jun. 2, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (17)
  • I think you need to be upfront and honest with him. Tell him what you know and how you feel. He doesn't have to stop playing WOW to help you regain trust. Just ask him to switch to another server.
    Ms.Gwen

    Answer by Ms.Gwen at 7:19 AM on Jun. 2, 2011

  • I really feel for you dear? I am confused like you as to whether or not it's a bad idea or a problem. I guess only time will tell. CAUSE if he starts being sneaky about playing, BUT then how could you even know? YOU would always be thinking it? MAYBE you should ask him about it. SAY hey is there anything that you may have kept from me, CAUSE you want to start fresh with no bad things in your relationship. MAYBE he will confide in you, but maybe not? THEN you will be scared that he is still going to talk to her? ONLY TIME WILL TELL? but it's worth asking say you want to keep honesty & communication open for the better of your relationship. I KNOW It's going to be really hard to trust now??? ONLY tiME will tell I guess. I will PRAY for you Sister that's for sure. I KNOW exactly how you feel. DEBRINCONCITA in Oregon.
    Debrinconcita

    Answer by Debrinconcita at 7:22 AM on Jun. 2, 2011

  • that si not true. you can pay money to switch servers, switch factions, switch races...everything. but it does not matter, real id is a thing with WOW now, someone adds your real ID name and no matter what character your playing with or what server, they see you and can message you.

    you can tell when you get a private message, those letters are purple unlike the rest of them. he played for a few hours today, no private messages at all.

    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 7:29 AM on Jun. 2, 2011

  • i dont care if he has online friends, but i dont want him talking to her ever again. you cannot be friends with someone you had a thing with, even if only online. i could start playing wow again myself, i thought about it, but I nkow he'll say your only playing again cause of me. which is true..i wouldn't start it back up if he didnt. i ike playing with him i just dont play to the level that he does or invest as much time.

    he kept trying ot play other games, like he was looking for some other mmo online that would be good enough but WOW is the #1 rated online mmorpg for a reason, none of the other games can match it and in the end he wanted to play his favorite game again.

    i dont care if he has friends, whatever. but not her, she needs to be gone. and they were planning to meet back then, her "pet name" was on the calendar but that was of course squashed. he cut all of that off before he asked me to come back home
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 7:37 AM on Jun. 2, 2011

  • Why start fresh in your relationship just to keep secrets? Not judging, just wondering if you both would feel better to have everything in the open. Be honest, tell him that you are happy things are going so well, that you trust him, but that you do know the details of his online fling and need some reassurance that he won't communicate with that person. Once he gives you that assurance, let the situation go until/unless you are given a reason to be concerned otherwise.
    Kimedbs

    Answer by Kimedbs at 7:40 AM on Jun. 2, 2011

  • It doesn't seem a good idea to give him ultimatums. This is an online person whom he talked to for comfort when you were gone. The two of you were talking divorce.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 7:43 AM on Jun. 2, 2011

  • i was thinking ..he told me once "i have never been unloyal with my body, but i was unloyal with my heart" in reference to this... as those were his words, what if I said "when you told me that you were loytal with your body, but not with your heart, i would just like word and to know that you have cut off all forms of interaction and communication with that occurrence/person and that its going to stay that way"
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 7:55 AM on Jun. 2, 2011

  • Ask him to switch servers. I never understand how people start things in WoW anyway but one of my friends met her boyfriend that way. The other thing is that you join him & it becomes an activity you do together. Come look at the World of Warcraft Moms group! Tell him that you know about what happened. If he felt it was worth mentioning to someone else, then it was important.
    Verrine

    Answer by Verrine at 8:01 AM on Jun. 2, 2011

  • oh she is in the US, we are in a completely different country due to be stationed here. They are not going to meet. It was just someone to help him cope, to vent, a coping mechanism. I know it was nothing real. How real could something of only a couple weeks be anyways?

    Im just debating if saying something is better....or since I know he's not going to cheat on me or jump on a plane to her, and we are moving forward in our marriage I should just let it go and really exercise trust.

    He told me once like a year ago...trust is not about trusting someone when they are not doing anything and it is easy, trust is about if that person is locked in a room with a gorgeous person of the opposite sex for days you dont even question them if anything happened. THAT is trust and faith.

    So if I say something, with his viewpoint on trust....he might take it as me not trusting him. I am torn. We are doing so good, I don't want to shake it
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 8:13 AM on Jun. 2, 2011

  • So...you're starting over with him keeping the secret that he had a "thing" and you keeping the secret that you know he had a "thing"? Truthfully, that sounds to me like a recipe for resentment, anger, or issues further down the line. I will agree that trust isn't *just* about when things are easy. However, I also think that trust is fragile, and if you're each keeping a secret, eventually that trust is going to crumble. Frankly, I think yours is starting to right now, given that you're here asking this. If I were you, I would be honest and tell him that I know about his "thing" and then I would ask him to show me the same honesty and tell me what happened and tell me how I can know he won't turn to her again if we argue or something. If he's sincere in wanting to move forward with you, he'll be honest. You're not doing as good as you think if you're both keeping secrets.
    wendythewriter

    Answer by wendythewriter at 8:28 AM on Jun. 2, 2011

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