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8 Bumps

Just a real question about stay at home moms...

I know there are alot of "wars" over stay at home moms and working moms... I am not meaning this to turn into one of those....I just have a question because I really do not understand...

I am asking this as a part time working mom...

Why is anyone against stay at home moms?

I mean I can understand ( but not really agree) against working moms ( I understand people say you dont spend time with your kids, or letting someone else raise them ect.)

But what is the argument against SAHMs?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 7:37 AM on Jun. 2, 2011 in Parenting Debate

Answers (41)
  • popcorn


    Answer by gemgem at 7:42 AM on Jun. 2, 2011

  • people assume things...that your letting daycare or a stranger raise your kid....

    that your not creating that bond
    that your not there for them

    For whatever reason they never "assume" that maybe the DH is a SAHD and that the child is being cared for by a loving parent who is not neglecting them and is creating a bond. Yeah its Dad instead of Mom, but no one ever considers that possibility.

    What difference does it make to a stranger who stays home and who earns the money. People do what works for them as a family and no one has a right to judge unless they 100% know what they are talking about in reference to those people's lives.

    Answer by RosieT at 7:46 AM on Jun. 2, 2011

  • Some people see SAHMs as weak, controlled, and uneducated. I am none of those. I have a college degree and actually made more money than DH before I left work. I control our finances, and we make important decisions together. I worked from the ages of 14-30, and I can honestly say that being a SAHM is the most challenging job I've ever had. I think it's a personal decision and no one should judge another on their employment status.

    Answer by Kimedbs at 7:47 AM on Jun. 2, 2011

  • i think we are percieved as lazy when we are anything but that!!!!!!!!!

    Answer by lucyloo1776 at 7:47 AM on Jun. 2, 2011

  • i'm not sure why they'd think chasing around kids and running errands and cleaning the house, etc is lazy work. Maybe they are just jealous that they aren't in a financial situation where they can afford to do that and stay home and bond. My DH gave up his job to be a SAHD. I thinks its quite honorable.

    Answer by RosieT at 7:50 AM on Jun. 2, 2011

  • Honestly I have been looked down on by my own mom for choosing to be a sahm. She is from the generation where they fought to have it all, work, kids, equal rights etc. She cannot understand why I would choose to throw so much potential away. I tell her I am not throwing anything away. I am choosing what to do with my life, and maybe I dont want it "all". My "all" includes my children, my husband, my friends, the pta, volunteer work, and things like that. Things no paycheck can ever make up for. In fact if I couldnt stay home with my children I would never have chosen to have 5 of them. I would have stopped at 1. I want to be there for everything, every moment, for anything they need. That is what fulfills me. I also have a college degree FYI, one that helps me be a better mom. I have a degree in Psych and two special needs kids.

    Answer by gemgem at 8:00 AM on Jun. 2, 2011

  • idk why anyone would be againest SAHM, seems silly to me unless you have already tried it then you have a right to judge.

    on the other hand, medical insurance coverage works out better for us this way,school expenses and trying to qualify for something all works in our favor except applying for credit cards when your SO's credit is shot.

    it gives some of us SAHM a chance to become something, wasnt Twilight created by a SAHM? see...we dont do NOTHING, i'm also working towards publishing some novels

    Answer by americansugar80 at 8:08 AM on Jun. 2, 2011

  • My DH has been looked down on for being a SAHD by a society that feels he's not only supposed to be the bread winner (since he's male) but also assumes he's just living off my paycheck and doesn't do anything at all. He does the same stuff SAHMs do every day,only difference being he's a man. He doesn't even have other male parents he can bond with, most of the parents are female and totally avoid or shun him. Its quite lonely for him, but he does a great job.

    Answer by RosieT at 8:09 AM on Jun. 2, 2011

  • Those who take issue look at what they get done in a few hours a day before and after work, and assume that's all a SAHM does all day, too. They forget that the SAHM is also doing whatever the working mom is paying the daycare to do all day, on top of the things they just can't do, like be the house on the block all the kids go to play, the parent who helps in the classroom, or the scout troop leaders/sports coaches/etc. It's a defense mechanism - to admit SAHM's do more on a day to day basis would mean admitting they don't do as much because they're at work.

    Answer by NotPanicking at 8:12 AM on Jun. 2, 2011

  • I like the assumption people make that the kid must be at daycare, and not home with dad or the grandparents, etc.

    It doesn't matter who they are with - whether it's daycare, father, grandparent or alien invaders, the people caring for the child are doing work the mother is not doing.

    Answer by NotPanicking at 8:34 AM on Jun. 2, 2011

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