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How much information about an ex's new girlfriend should a mom of a 4 yr old have the right to know.

This is the first girlfriend after a very recent divorce who appears to be living in the house with my son there. She is clearly spending a lot of time with my son and I am not sure what my rights are as his mom to know who my child may be spending time alone with.

Please don't think this is a jeleousy issue as I have a new boyfriend as well, but I have chosen to slowly introduce him into my son's life since the divorce was just finalized in March.

 
kdwiegandt

Asked by kdwiegandt at 9:01 AM on Jun. 2, 2011 in Parenting Debate

Level 20 (9,555 Credits)
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Answers (13)
  • First of all, if you and your ex just divorced, the fact that he has a new woman living there, is a horrible example to set for your son. Wow. But to answer your question..I would find out her full name and do a backround check on her lol. I would also want to know how she acts around him and what kind of morals she has, but that might be stuff you can't really ask about. I'm the type of person who would want my kids around a Christian person who has good wholesome values, doesn't swear or anything like that, so I'm really glad I'm with my boys' father and don't have to worry about this stuff. If you go to the Get Verified website, you can do a full backround check.
    Kaybean

    Answer by Kaybean at 4:23 PM on Jun. 4, 2011

  • Do you research! I've been in this position....and the father of my child and his girlfriend got in an argument, and she tried slipping clorox into our babies milk!! Turns out she had 3 previous domestic violence charges (attacking her boyfriends), a neglect case for one of her children, and an abuse case for another child! Theres a thin line between jealousy and ensuring your child is safe. Don't go psycho with the questions, but you should be able to have a discussion with your ex husband about your concern, and you just want to make sure your child is in good hands....in return, ensure him that your boyfriend will be of no harm either. And if you have any doubts, Just like scout mom said, dig into her past. Luckily for me, the woman did not hurt my child, but had i did some research (because i was very uncomfortable with her, as she was rude and violant.) , I could have avoided that from even being a situation.
    MzWint87

    Answer by MzWint87 at 9:14 AM on Jun. 2, 2011

  • As a mom you have the right to information equivalent to anyone who would provide daycare services/babysitting. That could include criminal history and drug use. This is YOUR child's safety, but your EX should be a responsible parent as well. He should be aware of what is appropriate and what is not. Of course you also need to factor in the age of the child. And yes you have the right to know if she's ever alone with him. We all HOPE she behaving in an adult manner. We also knw there are some people who don't.
    2autisticsmom

    Answer by 2autisticsmom at 9:11 AM on Jun. 2, 2011

  • I wouldn't question your ex too much, but if you have concerns I would do some digging into her past just to make sure my child was safe.
    scout_mom

    Answer by scout_mom at 9:06 AM on Jun. 2, 2011

  • you have the right to know her name (and be sure to check a sex offender registry) and her phone number if she is ever left alone with your child (so that you can get ahold of her if need be). Those who say you have no rights. BS. Would you leave your child with a complete stranger otherwise? No. If another person is living in the same house as your child, or spending a quantity of time with your child, you have some rights. Now i'm sure it varies by each state, but you can also amend your divorce decree to state what your expect in these situations too.

    Just be aware that your ex has the same rights if you get a boyfriend that's spending time at your house too.
    boobarandbell

    Answer by boobarandbell at 9:11 AM on Jun. 2, 2011

  • You could see if she would like to meet with you somewhere, so you guys could get to know each other better. Just tell her that you want to meet her, because of your son. Don't get into any discussions about your ex, but about her, you and your son.
    jucyfrut

    Answer by jucyfrut at 9:22 AM on Jun. 2, 2011

  • I would ask him if she is alone with your child, how he has handled introducing them, what his plan is if something doesn't work out, and definitely the info you would need to run a background check. After my father and bio mom divorced, he did the same thing (although he was a police officer, so it made it easier), and found out that my bio mother's new "love" was a cocaine addict who had spent half of his adult life in and out of jail...and that bastard used to hit me for absolutely no reason other than he was drunk. Not to scare you, but you can't take those chances hoping he would make a good decision.
    Mom-2-3-Girlz

    Answer by Mom-2-3-Girlz at 9:24 AM on Jun. 2, 2011

  • i myself would be getting to know her , this is such a touchy issue , because she would be getting to know me wether she liked it or not or my ex,
    letstalk747

    Answer by letstalk747 at 9:34 AM on Jun. 2, 2011

  • I would tell my ex I want her name, if she is there when you pick your child up, check her license plate. Get everything you need to run a background check on her you have that right FOR SURE. You also have the right to say you don't want her left alone with your child, if your ex won't comply with that, get right of first refusal
    JLS2388

    Answer by JLS2388 at 9:55 AM on Jun. 2, 2011

  • So I should also mention: if you want to know something why don't you just ask your ex nicely?
    BluDog

    Answer by BluDog at 10:15 AM on Jun. 2, 2011

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