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If youve been through this. tell me what to do.

so my boyfriend and i recently just got engaged.we dont have any kids yet but we plan to someday.a little less then a year before our engagement i cheated on him.. i did tell him but i didnt tell him the whole truth. i was really drunk and i barely remember much but all i know is that we did way more then just kiss.i just could not get myself to tell him the whole truth, i already hurt him enough by telling him i just kissed him.i know im a terrible person and i deserve the worst. one of my problems are though, i want to get closer to god and i feel like this guilt is stopping me.and im not just saying that is a good thing to get close to god, i actually want to.me and my man both want to start going to church and just be closer to him because we have been so far from him.but with this whole guilt on my chest, i feel like i wont be saved.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:14 AM on Jun. 2, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (14)
  • You need to tell him the truth or it will hang on your shoulders forever. You can not start a life together or a life with God while keeping a lie. Be honest and except what comes of it. Then maybe seek help for your drinking. If you can't remember having sex with someone because of alcohol abuse, you have more problems then hiding a lie! What happens the next time you have drinks?
    JenzAmomOf2

    Answer by JenzAmomOf2 at 9:18 AM on Jun. 2, 2011

  • At this point, I would let it go. At that point, it was probably very early on in your relationship, you had no way of really knowing how serious it would get between you and your now fiance. You had not yet agreed to marriage, and didn't even know if that is where your relationship was leading at that point.

    And what could be gained from telling him? You obviously know where your relationship stands now, and wouldn't repeat that behavior now...and it could really hurt him. You've already told him to you were with someone else in some respect, and I don't think the details would be helpful now.
    Mom-2-3-Girlz

    Answer by Mom-2-3-Girlz at 9:20 AM on Jun. 2, 2011

  • God will forgive you sweety, he always does. i was in a ver very simular situation and i turned my life around and went to God to and the truth had to set me free. I am so proud that your turing your life around and knowone should talk mess to you for that. We have all made mistakes and knowbody has the right to judge you unless they are just plain evil. If you want to talk furter send me a message.
    God Bless you
    fun3oo

    Answer by fun3oo at 9:20 AM on Jun. 2, 2011

  • My dear....the truth will come to light. Trust me, I KNOW....Sometimes we tend to try to bury and push bad situations onto the back burner hoping it will fizzle out...But what if it doesnt? If he found out from some one else what really went down, he will forever despise you for that. In some situations I believe in just leaving the past in the past, but if you're trying to get closer to God, you have to be honest with your self, your partner, AND god....Im not going to lie to you, it can either go really good or really bad, but at the end of the day, if he is your soulmate....God will put forgiveness and compassion in your boyfriends heart to be able to forgive you and leave it in the past. Pray about it, ask God to guide you with this situation and give you the courage to finally tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth...either way, remember that your boyfriend will be upset, you must let him vent. :) Good Luck
    MzWint87

    Answer by MzWint87 at 9:21 AM on Jun. 2, 2011

  • You need to tell him the truth before you get married. You don't want to enter a married with lies because then you are just setting yourself for failure. Be honest with him.
    Eisleysmommy27

    Answer by Eisleysmommy27 at 9:22 AM on Jun. 2, 2011

  • i dont get it how can you do that to him? if u love him how can u keep a secret? i cant keep ANYTHING from my husband. there is this almost need to burst out and tell him any information i aquire.which is why surpriseing him is hard cause i almost always tell him his gifts. .
    he deserves toknow the truth and the longer you keep it from him the more damage you are doing to him and the relationship.
    how can u exspect him to be totally honest with you when ur not with him?
    my suggestion is have a sit down right now and lay everything on the table. give him the chance to tell you things he may or may not be hidding. and do it fast. i would be pissed if i found this out after we were married. when it would cost me more to undo rather than now b4 anything is really said and done(no pun intended)
    sandraberke

    Answer by sandraberke at 9:23 AM on Jun. 2, 2011

  • Well my understanding of God is that HE 'sees all, and knows all' HE understands that people are not perfect, they make mistakes and HE loves them anyway. If it were me I would go to church, light a candle and pray to God about this matter. Let him know how I feel about what happened and get it all out and off my chest. If Father were there I would also talk to him as well. As for the fiancee it will hurt him to know what happened, but it might be better to tell him now as secrets do sometimes have a way of getting out, and it would be horrible for him to find out years into the marriage and know he had been lied to about this. Maybe you could ask fiancee to go to church and talk to a Pastor with you and have him give you guidance on how both of you can get thru this together?
    I hope it all works out-- good luck!!
    MizLee

    Answer by MizLee at 9:35 AM on Jun. 2, 2011

  • i think you just need someone else to really tell your secret to rather then your man. Confess it while confessing your sins in the booth. start by talking to the pastor of your plans and then go from there.

    One of my friends's aunts and her husband had found God also and before he was very controlling and jealous, now that they found him, they are still together but live more of a happier life. She learned to drive at 32 because he wouldnt let her out of the house before.
    americansugar80

    Answer by americansugar80 at 9:42 AM on Jun. 2, 2011

  • I think you should tell if it is bothering you that much and you want to start your life out based on truths. I think you could just tell your fiancee that you really dont know how to tell him this but you always want him to be able to trust you and you cant start out with a lie. Tell him you are ashamed and you dont remember much but that it went farther than a kiss. You can even tell him it is kinda blur and happened so fast and you dont really want to remember or go in to details because it meant nothing but you didnt want to lie to him. He will probably be upset at first and don't try to defend yourself just say you know it was wrong, you wish it never happened. I really wouldnt tell details because it will only make the situation worse. He doesnt need that image in his head.
    ria7

    Answer by ria7 at 9:50 AM on Jun. 2, 2011

  • I was going to say don't tell him just to ease your mind. That hurting him to make yourself feel better is selfish. BUT, I am a firm believer that if you cheat, sooner or later you will be caught. And, since you already told him part of it, he may already suspect there is more to it. If you told him that you were very drunk, and you have/are seeking some form of treatment for drinking, he may decide it's not worth ending the relationship. So, my advice to you is to speak with the pastor/preacher/reverend of your church. Ask him/her their advice on how to broach the subject, and bring your guy in there to tell him. IF this is a safe and comfortable, and trusting environment for the both of you. The preacher will be able to give the two of you some counciling. And things may not go as badly as you think. Your guy will be very hurt, and angry, but you have to understand that, and deal with it. GL.
    Raine2001

    Answer by Raine2001 at 10:40 AM on Jun. 2, 2011

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