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What to do about sister in law...

I love my sister in law, I really do... but right now she is making it very hard for me to like her.

part of me wants to tell her off, the other part of me feels badly for her.

I assume that the way she acts stems from her being jealous that I am able to be a stay at home mom and she cant. When she first got pregnant she said when the baby came she wanted to quit her job so she can stay home with the baby ( I got excited over that because I was hoping we could do playdates and walks to the park together) ... but then one day my brother came to us with money troubles ( my husband is a good money manager) and he helped my brother go through all of their bills and such to try and find out why 2 people who have decent jobs are always out of money.... They quickly realized she has a shopping habit and spends it faster than they can make it ( they have an income of around $5000/ month ( which is GREAT where we live), and yet have bills close to $6000/ month.... This meaning they cannot afford her to stay home if she continues to spend the way she does ( which she still does)..... Now I watch my niece everyday when they go to work ( for free) .. and I do love it because my niece and my kids are very close now.

the problem is... she constantly puts down the fact that I am a stay at home mom... she ALWAYS makes little remarks about how SAHMs are lazy and she assumes I just sit on the computer all day while the kids play.... ( she has said all of these things plus many more) .

First off, if I wasnt a stay at home mom, she wouldnt be getting free childcare, I dont get on the computer ( unless I need to look up a number or something) unless the kids are napping and my house cleaning is done ( or at night when they are in bed ), not to mention she makes several posts throughout the day because SHE is getting on Facebook while at work. ... She always says she is jealous that my house is nice and clean ( she does say that in a nice way like " how do you keep it so nice and clean all the time" type of way..... but yet how does she think it gets that way with 3 toddlers running around and I am just "sitting on my butt" . If I just let them play while I lounge around, how does her daughter make her crafts or have stories of what she did at the park that day, how do they have nice warm meals to eat everyday ....

it drives me crazy and i really would just like to tell her off to make her undestand she has no right to talk to me like that, the othe part feels bad and I think this might be kind of her was of "acting out" since she knows she cant be a stay at home mom and be with her child all day, but still even if that is the case, she shouldnt be saying that stuff ....

What would you do ????

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:16 AM on Jun. 2, 2011 in Parenting Debate

Answers (10)
  • VVerbal abuse is toxic. You need to stand up and tell her point blank. "I'm sick of your inuendoes. I will not be silent one minute longer. You have no idea what it takes to maintain my home each day. Continue and you will be looking for a new sitter and I guarantee you THEY won't do it for free." Then you stick to it. She sounds like a miserable, jealous human being. Don't let people treat you like crap. She continues to do it because you sit back and take it. Let her know you are DONE.
    GrnEyedGrandma

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 10:29 AM on Jun. 2, 2011

  • Jealousy, pure and simple. She wants to be able to stay at home but knows she can't. Just try to ignore her snide, childish remarks. I know it will be hard, but it would help lower your stress level.
    SpiritedWitch

    Answer by SpiritedWitch at 10:31 AM on Jun. 2, 2011

  • Rather than telling her off I think you should just sit down with her and tell her that some things she has said have bothered you and you want to let her know. Tell her that she may not even realize what she is implying or that it would hurt your feelings when she says these things, but that you work hard taking good care of your children and hers, and that it feels belittling when she says SAHM are lazy or on the computer all day. Don't hold it all in until you get to a point where you just blow up on her, just tell her and get it off your chest. She's probably kind of self absorbed (considering she would rather keep a shopping habit than learn to budget) so she probably doesn't always think about the way things sound to others when they come out of her mouth. If you tell her and she says something similar again, then you have free reign to go off on her.
    MaryMW

    Answer by MaryMW at 10:36 AM on Jun. 2, 2011

  • i guess i would mention how you dont have to babysit her daughter for free if she thinks its that easy, you can start charging for food and board and babysitter fees. babysitting and being at home to provide for her is what you are willing to do in order for them to work. You could also mention there are other people out there that wont do it for free if she continues on talking bad about SAHM's. You could bring it up next time she gets that way or has any opinions about it. i wouldnt point my fingers about how jealous she is about it but maybe say it hurts your feelings she puts you down.
    americansugar80

    Answer by americansugar80 at 10:38 AM on Jun. 2, 2011

  • Oh, the green eyed monster! She is envious and probably more than a little mad at herself because she only has herself to blame. Ignore her..better yet..take up her jokes and put them back on her..they won't be funny if they aren't hurting you. I had a friend and her husband would tease her about laying around in her pajamas, eating bonbons and watching soaps all day. He knew she didn't do that, but she didn't care for the teasing...one day he came home from work to find the house a mess and his wife on the couch in her pajamas surrounded by bon bon wrappers. He stopped teasing her.
    yourspecialkid

    Answer by yourspecialkid at 12:18 PM on Jun. 2, 2011

  • Suggest she take a week off and she be the SAHM (with your kids too) and see how it goes. I really don't think some people understand how hard it is to be a SAHM.
    AngZacc

    Answer by AngZacc at 4:55 PM on Jun. 3, 2011

  • tell her next time she asks how you keep it so clean is because you sit on your butt on the computer all day and the three toddlers running around do it all for you. that will point out her own stupidity to her as well as let her know she needs to watch what she says.
    op you can either get over it and just let it go through one ear and out the other, or stop doing free daycare for her and not watch her anymore. you're letting her get to you too much, and that is not healthy. good luck.
    AngryBob

    Answer by AngryBob at 9:14 PM on Jun. 3, 2011

  • I think that you haven't told her off until now because a part of you knows that you are both being competitive with each other. You gave a very detailed description of their finances when really it could've been left at " She HAS to work". So, if I were you I would be asking myself what it is about her that makes you feel defensive. If she is truly calling you lazy than you should be addressing that while she says it. Thats pretty rude of her.
    BryteLove

    Answer by BryteLove at 8:44 PM on Jun. 4, 2011

  • easy answer for me to be honest. Just tell her, since you don't respect my ability to stay at home and care for my children and yours, perhaps you would be better off taking your children to daycare where they "work" and you can pay for that work. If you would like to rethink how I spend my days as a stay at home mom, then we may be able to continue our arrangement.
    hollydaze1974

    Answer by hollydaze1974 at 1:28 PM on Jun. 9, 2011

  • I would tell her that if she wasn't such a shopaholic she migh thave been able to do part time work and part time stay at home mom that this is her problem and if she wants to keep bitching then bitch to someone that cares to listen-harsh yes but she's totally being inconsiderate uncaring etc.. of your feelings etc.. Good luck!!!
    Gemini5

    Answer by Gemini5 at 1:34 AM on Jun. 19, 2011

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