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2 Bumps

I am struggling with the thought of sharing my kids with another woman,they spend their first weekend at their fathers w his girlfriend and their new babysister this weekend and i cant get the thought of her trying to replace me outta my mind.i want them to respect her but in the same aspect i hate the thought...please someone reassure me what im feeling is ok

We have been divorced for about 6months and he just had a baby 2weeks ago. I have a boyfriend myself so maybe I'm being selfish? Unfair?

Answer Question
 
lisaHJ

Asked by lisaHJ at 10:49 AM on Jun. 2, 2011 in Parenting Debate

Level 7 (193 Credits)
Answers (20)
  • you are not selfish , meet the girlfriend and babysitter-- why does ex need a babysitter ? i dont think i would let this happen till i knew them and decide from there if my kid could be around them.
    letstalk747

    Answer by letstalk747 at 10:54 AM on Jun. 2, 2011

  • What you are feeling is completely normal! You're not being selfish or unfair....you're reacting normal.

    However, you are mom the kids will always know that. Children can never have to much love and if she is good to them, be thankful, it isn't always the case.
    luckysevenwow

    Answer by luckysevenwow at 10:56 AM on Jun. 2, 2011

  • I think that is every parent's worse nightmare! But be assured, YOU are your kids "ONLY" mother. No matter how much time the new girlfriend spends with your kids, she can NEVER replace YOU! I think you are feeling a bit insecure which is normal...just reassure your kids how much you love them and spend as much quality time with them you can. When they are away from you, with their father, that is out of your control. You can only control things when they are with you! Trust the fact that you are a fabulous mom and your kids love you unconditionally! The other lady will never be anything more than a girlfriend, or potentially, a "step mom"...but coming from the position of being a "step mom" myself, I know I will never be anything more to his kids than their father's wife.....not a mom....not a step mom. Just daddy's wife. And with that, you have all of the trump cards, my dear!
    Lynda-Lou

    Answer by Lynda-Lou at 10:59 AM on Jun. 2, 2011

  • oops sorry that was supposed to say baby sister. He just had a baby 2 weeks ago.and I kno this girl she used to be our nextdoor neighbor till he cheated on me w her.I don't have a choice its in our divorce papers he gets them every other weekend. I just can't stop crying. We both have moved on not just himthatswhy I'm confused bout my feelings
    lisaHJ

    Comment by lisaHJ (original poster) at 11:02 AM on Jun. 2, 2011

  • Its really normal to feel that way. The first thing I would do however is ask for a criminal background and credit check before leaving my child with someone I dont know well. I would also ask for a meeting with her without ex there. Not to get in her face but to ask general questions and get some form of understanding. It is what you would do if you hired a sitter so I see it no differently. In our court order my ex isnt allowed any overnight guests of the opposite sex who arent related by blood or marriage, and his gfs cannot babysit without him first asking me if I or one of the grandparents wants to first.
    It takes time but she isnt replacing you. My kids know I am their mom and just because their dad has a flavor of the month doesnt mean anything.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 11:03 AM on Jun. 2, 2011

  • PS my ex also cheated on me with a woman he got pregnant. I gave them zero slack. They have since broke up. Relationships that start with cheating dont last.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 11:04 AM on Jun. 2, 2011

  • I have been where you are. It's such a sad feeling to think about someone else tucking your babies in at night. It does get easier. My ex husband and I are friends now, (and he's been single a long time) but at the time, I went "Momma Bear" on more than one occasion. It's perfectly normal. Just remember how much your kids love you, no one can ever replace MOmma.
    Marie
    Eclectic_VT

    Answer by Eclectic_VT at 11:16 AM on Jun. 2, 2011

  • It is totally normal to feel this way. I thankfully never had to deal with that side, but I do deal with the other. I know my SD mom was feeling the same way. I just reassured her, I was not "collecting kids" and that I will make sure she gets along with me and respects me, but that YOU are her mom and will always love her best. I have been in her life since she was 5 she is now 15, things are great. Good luck to you.
    salexander

    Answer by salexander at 11:32 AM on Jun. 2, 2011

  • Don't think of it as her trying to replace you. YOU are their mom and you will be their only mom for their whole lives. But do try to think of her as another important person in your children's lives that they can count on for love and support. Sure, your family dynamic has changed but it doesn't have to be a bad thing- just different.

    skittles1108

    Answer by skittles1108 at 12:29 PM on Jun. 2, 2011

  • Let them( dad and new gal) establish their own bedtime rituals and routines. She especially wont feel like she is competing or taking ur place. Honestly I had a step mom and dad,I found it to be great,things I couldn't or wouldn't tell bio parents I could go to them. Tell the kids to have fun with dad try to relax
    RobinChristine

    Answer by RobinChristine at 2:41 PM on Jun. 2, 2011

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