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How do you help a spouse who is deeply depressed?

He keeps saying that DS and I would be better off if he left or if he just killed himself. He hasn't been able to find work for a long time and the work he does find always ends up laying him off and because of this we have to live with his parents who are convinced that all you have to do to find a job is just walk into enough places and they'll just give it to you and they tell him that a lot. It's almost a process of shaming him when he gets up in the morning or has to ask for gas money to get to school. He has an addiction to pornography that he is really trying to over come and has been working with our religious leader but he had a relapse after 2 months of being clean and he just keeps saying that he can't get over it and I should just find someone who doesn't hurt me like that. I'm not sure if he'll go see our religious leader or a counselor but I can try to talk to him about it.
What would you do in this situation,because I'm lost?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 1:56 PM on Jun. 2, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (6)
  • He needs a doctor the porn is the manic phase maybe he needs meds as well

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 2:00 PM on Jun. 2, 2011

  • I agree, he needs someone who can help him from a professional level.

    Answer by RelaxedMom2-3 at 2:11 PM on Jun. 2, 2011

  • I would make him a doctor's appointment, insist that he go, and then I would go with him. I would also quit blaming his parents, because they are right. As for the porn addiction, he needs to stop making excuses for himself and be held accountable......He's depressed and feeling sorry for himself. Start with a doctor. Refuse to wallow in his misery with him, but let him know you love him and want to help.

    Answer by Anna92464 at 2:38 PM on Jun. 2, 2011

  • He needs to try to quit at all cost. Mayb a hoppy would help. Like exercise or gardening. It always helps my husband. Hes suffered from depression. So when ever he feels the blues he goes outside to fix his yard. About mom n dad thats sad. No encouragment from them is bad. A man needs that. Not babying him. Encouragement. Dont bombard him urself. Its the worse thing u can do.

    Answer by Autiziumom at 2:39 PM on Jun. 2, 2011

  • I do blame his parents a little.It's not just the job they call all of their children names fat,stupid etc. They told his brother to stop talking until he learns how to talk right and he's a diagnosed aspie with hearing issues. They call his weight and that he still has acne and oily hair too disgusting to look at(that was his own Mother talking).
    Some of the stuff he is saying about himself he's quoting his Mother.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 2:49 PM on Jun. 2, 2011

  • It is very hard when a man cannot find solid work. God created men to be the provider of their families. So it's understandable why he is so depressed about it. As far as the porn goes, that is a huge addiction that only prayer, and God's power will cure. Yes, he may be tempted to continue to go back to it...but, if he can just say "no" the first time, then the second, then the third...he will finally be able to conquer the addiction. He may face temptation in his future, even after conquering it for a while. He is a man...But he needs to train his mind to say no and not give in to the temptation.
    Definitely encourage him to keep speaking with the minister. Pray, pray and pray some more...Don't lose hope.

    Answer by Ruthmom802 at 9:13 PM on Jun. 2, 2011

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