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How do I deal with my mother and her drama!?

I'll get straight to it: my mom is always putting others down and causing a fuss over everything. She always feels like she's being attacked by your words no matter what has been said. I'm over it! Yesterday I went to visit her (she lives 45 min away) and we were having dinner at the table with my Sis and my stepdad. We we're having a great conversation talking about possibly renting a cabin and going up as a family for a weekend in the future. We joked and laughed and everyone was fine. Then my mom said to my sis that how was she going to be able to afford it because she never just spent money on breast implants and should have spent it on other things and so on. She was full of low blows to my Sis. Well my Sis said mom it's no ones business that I had breast implants and I do have money so I don't even know why you would say this especially right now. The whole mood went down hill. My dad told my mom to please stop insulting my sister and then suddenly my mom starts screaming at him too. I'm sitting there saying to myself, WTF!!? She then starts saying that she's always wrong and whoa me blah blah blah. Every one is supposedly attacking her...but no one is. It's always this way with her. She says means things and if we tell her to stop she causes an argument with everyone. And if she vents to you and you say mom look I understand how you feel but you said something mean and hurtful and thats why he responded that way, she will get mad at you for not taking "her side"
She is soo dramatic and unstable and refuses to view it herself. She can nag you all she wants and your wring if you say it's not ok, regardless if it was respectful or not. I have stopped speaking to her for her BS many times.
This last time I told her that although I am family I am still a guest in this house an shouldn't be involved in their issues nor should they think it's ok to cause arguments infront of me, my dd and my SO. I do joy drive that far to here that shit!!
What to do?? Shoudl I just ignore her even if it causes arguments when It has to do with drama? Should I tell her I'm not coming over anymore? Oh and another thing, she is now threatening a divorce from my stepdad because he's not on her side...WTF!? I see him as my dad, she treats him like shit! I'm pissed!

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:37 PM on Jun. 2, 2011 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (7)
  • She sounds like a tyrant, and this is her way of controlling everyone. What I would do is the minute she starts throwing her fit, I would gather up my stuff and my family, and I would leave, telling her exactly why I am leaving. In fact, I would tell her before I go the next time that if she starts behaving like that, I'm out of there. It's called setting and enforcing boundaries, and apparently, no one has ever taken a firm hand with her and made her responsible for her own actions. Therefore, she is always able to blame someone else. She can control this stuff if she chooses to do it. You just need to give her a reason to. I would tell my sister to do the same thing. And your step-dad should get up and go somewhere else, too. All of you would do well to read the BOUNDARIES book by Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend. It will give you much insight into people like your mom and how to deal with them.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 3:47 PM on Jun. 2, 2011

  • Yuck.. Sounds like she could just be a drama hound.. I am sorry you even have to deal with that. It sounds like you've made the attempts to get along but i wouldn't be stopping by anymore and inviting your dad and sis to your place and when she gets upset, gently again, explain you dont' need your Dd or yourself to be around this type of behavior.. if she decides to change and be better great, but if you go there and it happens again, get up without saying a word and leave.. you might have to treat her like a child because it sure seems she is acting like one.. so sorry!~
    maxsmom11807

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 3:42 PM on Jun. 2, 2011

  • Is she jealous that everyone gets along whether is is there or not? Comes off that way.
    pookiekins34

    Answer by pookiekins34 at 3:38 PM on Jun. 2, 2011

  • she sounds bi-polar. she needs to quit acting like that or her daughters are not going to want to be around her much.
    lucky35

    Answer by lucky35 at 4:01 PM on Jun. 2, 2011

  • She is exactly like a child!! She doesn't care what is being said, positive or negative she will cut you off to turn it into negative or talk about drama. She seems very child like where everyone has to agree with her no matter what and she throws tantrums like you wouldn't believe. I try to enjoy my time with her but it's hard, walking on eggshells because you never know what she will say, do or mood she'll be in. You can be really nice and respectful or you can tell he off and it doesn't make a difference, she won't change and doesn't see her problem. I don't know what to do, I wishshe would seek help, some kin of therapy but I know she won't. She's a huge Christian and preach all day if she could but yet she acts so "ugly" it's ridiculous and hurtful! (tear)
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 4:14 PM on Jun. 2, 2011

  • ahh.. Honey,.. Well in a different situation, my mother and I used to be best friends until the past 5 years when she changed completely.. she is not only not fun to be around but she ridicules everyone around her and everything we do - I make my visits short and sweet and only talk to her about my son - I don't make room for her to even start up with her comments or opinions..and this is a heartbreaking thing for me to do at 32 when she was my best ffriend my whole life.. I just now have to distance myself from having a relationship with her more than a civil / grandparents relationship. hugs!!~
    maxsmom11807

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 5:58 PM on Jun. 2, 2011

  • my mil is similar to that...but she drinks and is bipolar on top of it. we have cut her off because its not a good influance on ds. i love her to death but ds comes first and dh agrees 100%. if you dont like to deal with her bs, just cut her off from your family because its not a good influance on your family.
    dreamangel06

    Answer by dreamangel06 at 9:55 PM on Jun. 2, 2011