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Why if he has said that he is no longer IN LOVE with me want to drag the relashionship on?

I am still completely in love w him dont want to see us seperate but defenately dont want to force him to stay or rather convince him of staying together and he says he dont want to go eather

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:34 PM on Jun. 2, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (8)
  • My personal thoughts.

    Just because one no longer feels "in love" meaning: feels the butterflies, the sparks that fly when you touch, the aching need to see one another..etc.. Does not mean that one no longer "loves" their partner/spouse.. If love between the two is still present, those "in love" feelings can be rekindled. So, why leave someone you love just because those sparks are missing, when the couple can work together to reignite those original sparks.

    If one is still "in love" and the other no longer is, the key is to figure out why the one is no longer feeling those loving feelings. Is it due to needs not being met, is it due to underlying problems/issues/resentments in the relationship, etc.. Once the reason behind no longer feeling those in love feelings is found, then the 2 can work together to reverse it and bring back the sparks that lead to that deep burning fire of being "in love".
    pixie_trix

    Answer by pixie_trix at 4:41 PM on Jun. 2, 2011

  • Because change is scary... because it may cost more to move out... because he knows you will still do things for him... because he can still sleep with you... because you haven't kicked him out yet... because he doesn't understand how much it is hurting you, or thinks leaving will make you feel worse.

    Lots of possible reasons. Men tend to be creatures of habit, and will stick to what is familiar as long as possible until something better comes along.

    I'm sorry you are being put through this. Good luck and maybe get some counslling to help figure out what is the best path to follow.
    anng.atlanta

    Answer by anng.atlanta at 4:41 PM on Jun. 2, 2011

  • I wish I had an answer for you, but I am in the same situation. Message me if you want to and I'll be here for you.
    vchristineg

    Answer by vchristineg at 7:19 PM on Jun. 2, 2011

  • wow he full on said that to you? why? was it sudden? were you guys arguing? was he trying to break up with you?
    well he says he doesn't want to go...meaning he wants to stay with you...so that's good!!!
    just know that LOVE CHANGES overtime and explain this to him as well...try not to take what he said personally.
    you are a beautiful woman and you have created you! you have all the power to become even better and all the power to discard what you don't like about yourself. Just be the best person you can be and truly love and actually like yourself, then what he says MIGHT hurt a little less. your attitude may become "I'm perfectly me and perfectly happy, what's your problem? you love me then the next second you don't?"
    I think he may be depressed or something? sounds honestly like he needs to find something he's passionate about.
    I bet you anything that nothing lately has bursted his bubble, meaning he feels bland
    Liz4Life

    Answer by Liz4Life at 7:25 PM on Jun. 2, 2011

  • bring this up, say "honey if you could have a miracle happen to you overnight what would it look like? what would you spend the rest of your life doing?" if he has a hard time answering then you know for sure that he doesn't quit know what he wants in life....it seems like he's putting all that on you and blaming you for his lack of passion. he may Think he's not in love with You when in actuality he's not in love with Life and everything in it. sooo....get to the core, figure it out. what does he want? is he lacking that or has he found it?

    or if that's not the problem, do things for him that you think he wants. for example, if you would usually whine about him not putting the dishes away, don't whine. if you think he wants sex, give him sex. if you think he would enjoy a woman who is always laughing or smiling, then try to laugh and smile.
    Although this WILL NOT fix the problem, it will temporarily ease some stress.
    Liz4Life

    Answer by Liz4Life at 7:30 PM on Jun. 2, 2011

  • He's isn't interested in a monogamous relationship. He wants to see other women AND you.

    meooma

    Answer by meooma at 8:10 PM on Jun. 2, 2011

  • He wants to have some sort of control over you?
    treynlisa

    Answer by treynlisa at 8:50 PM on Jun. 2, 2011

  • In our relationship, we have both felt head over heels to not so head over heels. We're in our up phase now, and when the down comes, we know we are committed to the marriage, and we truly love each other so we hang in there. I say give your man some time, and in this time work on your interests and hobbies, if he truly loves you he will "be in love" again soon. Don't sit and pine, keep moving forward.
    Austinsmom35

    Answer by Austinsmom35 at 9:35 AM on Jun. 3, 2011

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