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10 Bumps

I desperatly need any advice out there, please help, im at my breaking point!!! adult content

My DH and I have been together for five years, married for two next week... Our ds is 9 mo.

While I was pregnant I was involved in a car accident, thank god my baby was unaffected by it, but a couple days after the Dr called and told me I tested positive for ghonorea. I have been 100% loyal to my DH and I begged the Dr to tell me there was another way to catch ghonorea but she said to me "I hate to be the one to tell you, but your husbands cheated on you, its the only way." Afterwards, I went home and as reasonably as possible i sat him down and asked him how many times has he cheated and with who. He swore up and down he didnt and got angy saying the only way I could have it was if I cheated bc he knew he didn't. He went in to get tested and then I went to re-test and they called me two days later saying it was negative but I should really do the test again. I trusted my dh and did not choose to re-test.

Fast forward 8 months later I find out when I was pregnant DH lied to me about going to a strip club. Something I told him I had no problem with. I really don't care he went to one but that he lied. In my mind you lie when you do something wrong, so I asked him if something happened to warrant lying to me. He said no he just wanted to avoid an argument bc despite I'd told him I didn't care if he went he didn't think is be ok with it.

2 months later (today) a girl, well call Kelly, who's brother we lived with at the time of the strip club, well call him Kyle. Calls me saying Kyle told her my DH had him cover for him while he went to get shit faced drunk with another girl. While I was pregnant. I simply told my DH about what she said and he FLIPPED. he screamed I always accuse him of cheating, he never has, and he was furious. I explained ive accused him within reason, only when I felt I had to. (The above are the only times I've ever said anything about cheating.) I told him he is the one that put this reasonable doubt in my head by lying to me, i did not make it up. He yells that hes tired of it, he doesn't believe he ever lied he said he just "left it out" he starts to leave for work and tells DS he loves him and stands there waiting for me to say something. I said "I deserve an apology from you." He screams he can't be late for work for "this shit" and slams the door.


On top of this, he dsnt help me with our ds, I basically raise him on my own. He chooses his friends over me every time Tue option is there. He refuses to go with me and DS for family fun dates. He expects me to be the stepford wife and working mom with no help from him. I work but "were too broke" for me to do anything with my friends, or to go out on a date to a restaurant, but theres always enough for him to bar hop and go to strip clubs.

I'm at my breaking point. I cant do this any more.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 7:05 PM on Jun. 2, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (15)
  • Well, there is an old saying "A hit dog always hollers." He is angry because you caught him. He is a liar. Yelling doesn't mean he is telling the truth. Be careful when confronting this guy--I have a feeling he could get violent or abusive if corner. Accept he is cheating, make your plans to go or stay or whatever, and do so quietly, without confronting him too much is my advice.
    blackisbetter

    Answer by blackisbetter at 7:11 PM on Jun. 2, 2011

  • If you can't take it anymore, don't.
    tootoobusy

    Answer by tootoobusy at 7:12 PM on Jun. 2, 2011

  • If I could I would leave, even if only temporarily. He needs to see how important you are and treat you that way and if he can't, you deserve better. Sometimes seperating can help a marriage grow stronger and sometimes its the push you need. It can also push you to divorce. I just think we as women, wives and mothers deserve to be treated as the amazing beautfiul women we are.
    CJM_SHM

    Answer by CJM_SHM at 7:13 PM on Jun. 2, 2011

  • im sry... i would leave... hes not worth it.. If your already rasing the baby alone why have him around?? I rasie 2 kids by myself i struggle but i manage. You can find someone that will love you and your DS..
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:15 PM on Jun. 2, 2011

  • Sounds like this relationships has several issues - first of which is trust, then there's disrespect, lying, cheating, selfishness, rudeness, money mismanagement... I wouldn't stay.
    meooma

    Answer by meooma at 7:18 PM on Jun. 2, 2011

  • Let me just say it is bullshit that he's getting MAD and that shows me he is guilty. If he didn't cheat, he'd be freaking on YOU and pointing the finger at you about the STD and how you contracted it. I think he's lying and I'd call his angry bluff and move out (anywhere for at least two weeks). You should retest and so should he. If nothing else, he's not being a good partner it sounds like so why put up with it? The other girls gave good advice. Scare the shit out of him and leave.
    jeanclaudia

    Answer by jeanclaudia at 7:21 PM on Jun. 2, 2011

  • OK, Only YOU can make a decision to leave him & I would Never tell someone they should because I really am not there with you to see. But here's the issue: He either cheated on you with a stripper or (with a bimbo at a bar if I understand correct). That's how you got gonorrhea. My question is "do you really love this guy?" If you do, I would sit him down tonight & make it clear that if he cheats again then you are gone forever with your Son. Then get up & end of conversation. He knows he's caught & wrong so I would not keep seeking the details of the truth. You are an independent woman & if you have the money to do something you want then do it (dinner etc.) Make it clear to him that he NEEDS to participate in Family life. Obviously you loved him enough to marry him so I would try to work it out YET NOT be a door mat. Let things calm down see if he changes his dominant attitude & grows up.
    ILovemyPaulie

    Answer by ILovemyPaulie at 7:31 PM on Jun. 2, 2011

  • Honestly . . .if it were me . . . I would sit down and make up my exit plan. Don't tell anyone . . . just come up with a way to put away some money, so you can go.

    There is no reason to stay with someone who is cheating, prefering his alcohol and ladies, and not contributing to the household.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:52 PM on Jun. 2, 2011

  • You know that he's cheating, you just want specifics right? he knew that he had a STD, in fact he got treated for it earlier. It could have hurt the baby...

    So what exactly cant you take? You seem to have taken quite a bit so far..
    35yoamom

    Answer by 35yoamom at 10:38 PM on Jun. 2, 2011

  • You know the answer Hun! It's just not the easiest one.
    Musicmom80

    Answer by Musicmom80 at 10:43 PM on Jun. 2, 2011

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