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4 Bumps

Trying very very hard not to get angry with my husband....kinda long rant(sorry)

Today was a very difficult day and I kept busy the entire time cleaning, doing laundry, dishes, cooking and taking care of my two special needs kids. This afternoon at 4:30 p.m. my husband made it home just in time for the first time home visit of a behavioral specialist to give us tips on how to work with our son. It was a good visit, but it lasted till 6:30 so dinner was late..Anyways, an hour after they left my husband gets several texts from work and had to go back in the fab (he works on site at Intel but for a contracting company called DNSE). It's past midnight and he's still there. EVERYDAY, I never know when exactly he will be arriving home..much of the time I just feed dinner to the kids myself and almost all of the household duties are mine. Last month alone I had 17 appointments on my schedule for my daughters therapys, doctor's visits, and my son's as well..all of which I attended alone. Many times even after my husband comes home he always brings his work home with him..sets up his laptop, answers emails, and texts on his personal time. He is also often on call during the week and every other weekend..so we can't plan trips or go places that are far away in case he gets called back to work. Even when visiting his family or mine, he will bring his work with him. I am trying extremely hard at this point not to get pissed..but with all of my responsibilities, I am overwhelmed and have little support..zero friends, and no one who truly understands my situation and the amount of stress it produces. Ladies who can relate or not relate...do you have any advise on how to deal with this??

 
Heathercurlz

Asked by Heathercurlz at 3:34 AM on Jun. 3, 2011 in Relationships

Level 18 (6,219 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (7)
  • My husband is an electrical engineer and he's had friends work with Intel and the comment made was, "they chew people up". He also said that many people work the five years it takes to get invested and then they look elsewhere for more rational schedules. Don't know if your husband fits into that model or not - you might want to talk to him.

    Having a DH with a demanding career while you've got a demanding home life with special needs kids is super, super tough. One thing that can help is if you are frequently "in touch" with each other about your goals and directions. It'll be a lot easier to get through these times if your mental state is "We've both got important jobs to do in order to reach our goals" than if you're thinking "Why do I get stuck with all this". Again, talking to your husband is the only way to set up that cooperative - and that kind of bond needs frequent tending. Good luck.
    Dr.Donna

    Answer by Dr.Donna at 7:08 AM on Jun. 3, 2011

  • .. and his hours have been cut back to 45-50/ week. He has been getting every other Sunday off, and he has even made it to two OB appointments with me! Is there anything your DH can do as far as scaling back at work? Family should be a top priority, and I would hope the company he works for feels the same way..
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:00 AM on Jun. 3, 2011

  • tell your husband how you feel. He may be thinking it already, or he might just be happy to have the job so isn't complaining. Or he may be using it as an excuse to be gone from his home life that he is afraid of or not happy with. You don't know until you talk about it with him. And the sooner you do it, the better. Your resentment will only grow and cause other problems if you don't have an honest conversation about it now.
    nepenthe429

    Answer by nepenthe429 at 7:02 AM on Jun. 3, 2011

  • I understand. My husband has an extremely abnormal schedule (he's a tv sports announcer)and also travels about 50 to 60% of the year. I get it....I understand why your mad but at the same time you really can't be because he's the one (I'm assuming in your case) bringing in the money which gives you all a nice life. To give myself a break I have found a couple of really good babysitters. I also hired a house cleaner and a landscaper.
    Syphon

    Answer by Syphon at 7:04 AM on Jun. 3, 2011

  • Mine isn't quite this bad, but there is only so much we can take! My S/O runs a restaurant, he is scheduled 50-60 hours every week, he can't take weekends off (I only have weekends off), and I do everything around the house and for our 3 y/o (and I'm pregnant). The first year or so I was fine with it, I didn't mind, because I knew he was doing it so we could have a better life. After that first year, I couldn't take it any more. He would come home, talk about work, constantly talk to people he worked with, couldn't take vacation because no one could handle the place without him. It was too much for me. I finally just broke it down for him: You work so you can live, you do not live to work. I asked him to work with his supervisor to get something worked out because his job was stressing me out. Its only been a few months, but he has already taken initiative..

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:59 AM on Jun. 3, 2011

  • I really think you needed to vent. I don't think it is fair to be upset with him, because it doesn't sound like he is doing any slacking off either. It sounds like you are equals in a very busy life and partnership. With all of those appointments, I am sure there is considerable expense, and just as it is your job to take the kids, it is his job to make sure it is paid for and insurance is provided. The whole situation definitely sucks, but I think anger at him would be misguided. You are very stressed, and its not in your head...you are spread thin...but it sounds like he is too.

    My advice is to thank god you have a hard worker with a respectable job and a healthy work ethic on your hands. If he was not as dedicated, you might end up feeling like you were fighting a whole different kind of battle.
    Mom-2-3-Girlz

    Answer by Mom-2-3-Girlz at 4:01 PM on Jun. 3, 2011

  • My advice as well is to thank god.....you have healthy (special) children. That u wake up everyday to see them....and that u have the strength not to beat ur husband upside the head daily!! I hope things get better hun!!
    msmamakatie

    Answer by msmamakatie at 4:09 PM on Jun. 3, 2011

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