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Have you ever???

Growing up i was very attached to my grandma we were bestfriends...When I was 12 she went into the hospital to have stints put in her legs so that her blood could circulate better.She promised that when she got better we would be able to go walking together....2 weeks past and she died in the hospital...I feelreally guilty because the night she died I was the one who was supposed to stay with her but couldn't cause thats when I first got my period=( I still have thoughts about that as the years go by I'm 22 now!! Now that I'm pregnant I just really miss my grandma more than usual and just have  a since to need to be close to her..The closer time gets to my due date(i'm 35 weeks)the more I long to be with her???? What does this mean,,, is this normal????Thanks for the help

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prdVirgobby

Asked by prdVirgobby at 4:35 AM on Jun. 3, 2011 in Relationships

Level 14 (1,472 Credits)
Answers (11)
  • Sounds to me like you really miss her. Is she the one your turned to often for advice or a shoulder to lean on. my last pregnancy; I really wanted my MOM! She was there for the other two and my daughter was the first born girl in the family. i felt so scared and alone without one to turn to (even though my hubby was there). I use to go to my mom for ad vice and when I was hurting. SO It was simply natural for me to want her being pregnant and hormonal. I was suppose to see her on Monday; but things came up. hubby said it's ok we will see her Thursday. Needless to say she passed away on Tuesday. She had an incurable lung disease and was given 6-8 months to live without a transplant. needless to say; she passed away 9 days after they gave her this news. I still feel guilty to this day; why could I have not taken 10 minutes just to call her? What was more important then seeing my mom? (we sat at home all day).

    Mom_Of_3_Angelz

    Answer by Mom_Of_3_Angelz at 5:01 AM on Jun. 3, 2011

  • But I realize it 's not my fault. It's been 4 years; but I still wish I had taken the time to see her that day.
    Mom_Of_3_Angelz

    Answer by Mom_Of_3_Angelz at 5:02 AM on Jun. 3, 2011

  • it's normal and sometimes GOD works things out for the good.you was to young to be at hospital alone.and GOD was sheilding you from the hurt of being there alone when grandma pass on.i witness three love ones pass on while i was at their bedside.i was grown and it was still a hard pill to swallow.remember the good times you and your grandma shared,and pass them along to your child
    MADUKES402

    Answer by MADUKES402 at 5:06 AM on Jun. 3, 2011

  • When you go through excitement, anxiousness, and moments of sadness, it's only normal you would want to share that with someone you loved. She comforted you and you felt close to you and at times you still feel her there. Hang in there and best wishes.
    chgomom

    Answer by chgomom at 6:29 AM on Jun. 3, 2011

  • What you are feeling is absolutely normal. Maybe it would help to use your pregnancy to do something specific for her memory: name the baby in a meaningful way after her, take the new baby to the cemetery, post a charitable donation in her name, provide the new baby with a meaningful gift associated with your grandmother (my grandmother crocheted all kinds of afghans, for instance), or something else. I think it would benefit you greatly to ritually acknowledge your feelings and honor her memory.

    Dr.Donna

    Answer by Dr.Donna at 7:00 AM on Jun. 3, 2011

  • I stayed with my Grandparents when my Grandma was ill. I didn't know, how to change a medical device, my Grandfather didn't either.
    I also felt guilty, because she had to go back into the hospital when everything backed up & they said her insides where mush.
    I feel, if id taken the time or asked more questions - maybe she wouldn't have passed away.
    I was only 18, she passed in January, my cousin got married in Feb. I found out I was pregnant and had her first great-grandchild in Sept.
    My Grandma basicly raised me, my parents were alway working. She took me school, picked me & stayed with me when I was sick.
    Now, both of my Grandparents have passed & I think of them & miss them.
    Its normal to miss your GRANDMA, SHE WAS A SPECIAL PERSON IN YOUR LIFE.
    SassySue123

    Answer by SassySue123 at 7:11 AM on Jun. 3, 2011

  • Its normal. My grandma died in 2002 and I couldnt be with her. She and I did get to say good bye only I never knew it was good bye forever. I got pregnant in 2004 and I would dreams of her that were so vivid like she was with me. I believe she was with me in some ways and wanted to just let me know that. I named my little girl after her that is how strongly I felt like she was with me. I wanted to honor her.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 7:21 AM on Jun. 3, 2011

  • I think you may be experiencing delayed mourning. It happens to people who lose a close relative at a young age or during emotional crisis. Basically, you were not emotionally mature enough at the time of her death or had some other serious emotions to handle at the time. I think in your case you had both (first periods are alot to handle!) there's nothing wrong with you for waiting to mourn. The high emotions of pregnancy have probobly triggered this and your psyche has chosen this happy time to handle the sadness it couldn't before. All perfectly natural. Guilt is a stage of grief, but it is not your fault. Find a way to honor your grandmother and let yourself have a great big cry or two about it. I think naming your child in some meaningful way after your grandma could help too.
    Ms.Gwen

    Answer by Ms.Gwen at 7:56 AM on Jun. 3, 2011

  • Guilt is normal. You wanted her there when you have the baby and she is in your hearts. My mom always told me that when a loved one dies, they become our guardian angel.
    msoderquist

    Answer by msoderquist at 9:08 AM on Jun. 3, 2011

  • well of course you will miss your grandmother but just know that she loved you & remember the good times you had with her dont feel sad that you did not stay with her it was not your fault sweety
    Ricanmami1

    Answer by Ricanmami1 at 11:19 AM on Jun. 3, 2011

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