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preschooler won't behave in school

My son will be 4 on the 30th he has been in preschool since oct. recently in the past month and a half he has been acting up or out. I have received 5 reports that he has spit in some ones face hit some one or the new one today was that he dropped his pants ans shook his but at someone. He gets time out in school and when he comes home we have done everything from a spanking to no toys or tv to standing in the corner or coming home and going straight to his room. I am at my witts end. When asked why he does these things he says he's mad and when asked why he's mad he says because. Me and his dad never do these types of things so I don't know where he is getting it from or why he is doing it. What should I be doing or do different?

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Asked by MollyL at 7:08 PM on Dec. 9, 2008 in Preschoolers (3-4)

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Answers (8)
  • My son is 4 1/2 and we have been having the same trouble. He'll hit or kick someone for no reason, no provocation. I started taking things away, one at time. for instance he couldn't go on the computer one night,he misbehaved the next day, still no computer AND couldn't go in the basement to play with his trains (mostly he plays with trains). I even took away going to a birthday party for a friend. He knew the punishment, so did his teachers, they reminded him and he acted up anyway When he had good days we put a sticker on the calendar and when he got two weeks straight (hasn't happened yet, but we are close right now) he will get something, a trip to toysr us, to the bookstore, a movie =he gets to pick. My son does much better when he works towards something.

    Answer by chuggerboysmom at 7:37 PM on Dec. 9, 2008

  • My son is the same way at home, but outside of the house he's an angel. I guess I should be thankful for that, haha. He also hits people for no reason at all, spits, kicks, has outbursts, etc. I STILL haven't found anything that works for him. Time-outs are a joke, spankings aren't effective, and he could care less if I took his things away. GRRRR! (he's 4 1/2)

    Answer by ReneeK3 at 7:46 PM on Dec. 9, 2008

  • My son is 4 and a half and we have bad days at school to. Honestly thing started getting better when I told him that if he was good in school almost every day until after Christmas he could take karate. He has been begging to take karate classes for months. I told his teacher about the deal and she helps remind him when he stats to act up. After we sign him up I plan to tell him he has to have a good week at school to get to participate in class. Either way I think for my son will benefit from the structure and discipline. I'll let ya know!! Good luck! :0)

    Answer by But_Mommie at 9:03 PM on Dec. 9, 2008

  • I was a preschool teacher for many years before I became a stay at home mom and the children who were having certain problems were my fav. I loved the challange and that is the key word CHALLENGE!! If your child is bored he/she only knows how to respond by acting out! They are seeking attention one way or another be it from the teacher, parents or someone else. Maybe you need to look at the school, check out the teacher to child ratio, what kind of curriculum are they offering? Is he stimulated enough or is he just plain board. When he acts up maybe you should suggest to the teacher to redirct him.

    Answer by determind at 10:31 PM on Dec. 9, 2008

  • In other words if he is acting up at the art table then redirct him to the math center and tell him "when you are ready to make better choices then you may come back to this center" your goal is to make the child think he is in control when really you are. This may sound rediculous but believe me when I say it is not. REDIRECTION is the key. not time out because like you say they don't care. I hope this helps!!

    Answer by determind at 10:31 PM on Dec. 9, 2008

  • What is happening at home or at school that is making these children act this way???? I agree with the trying to get attention. I've seen teachers with different "skills" at handling children. Acting out or misbehavior has different definitions for different teachers (and parents)

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:13 PM on Dec. 9, 2008

  • The only reason I don't agree with the spanking is because it is after you get home from work. Since the teacher can't spank him it is not effective. Try telling his teacher to support you in taking away a favorite toy at home for acting out in school. Then when you get home take whatever it is. It will not mean much to him the first time you do it. But enforce it by not given in. He will actually act out more to get back whatever it is he wants but don't give in. If he behave this way on the weekends give him a spanking and take his toy or whatever he likes alot. It works if you stick with it. When he is behaving remind him of how good he is and reward him for it. This way he sees the rewards for being a good boy.

    Answer by Godswk at 2:30 AM on Dec. 10, 2008

  • Have you asked your teacher to do a child observation study on him? This is where an outside observer comes in and writes down EVERYTHING your child does, says, interacts with. SOMETIMES, it helpful to get someone who doesn't have that personal link to do an observation. Then, you and his teacher could sit down and see where some triggers may occur. I've had it done in my classroom and done it for other teachers - just a thought. Good luck.

    Answer by GNMom88 at 5:02 PM on Dec. 10, 2008

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