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I am at witt's end and ready to leave...

ok..this is going to be kinda long but i need advice..here not to long ago hubby and i had a talk..he told me i need to put him before my friends..which ok.the only time i ever go out is when he is on midnights or afternoons..i have never left him sit at home by himself ever..and i always ask if he wants to go when he is off and i get the "no i don't feel like it"...line of b/s...so at any rate.. i have been the one to take care of the check book for the past year.. i've made one mistake as opposed to his many..well tonight are max. limit was hit for daily withdrawals so something got returned but not as insufficent!!! he flips out on me..and well i gave him the debit card to make himself feel better to go check the balance but he came back pissed because he couldn't remember the pin number

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 7:26 PM on Dec. 9, 2008 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • (CONT)......not my problem i told him before he left what it was...so then he tells me when he goes to work tonight he wants the debit card so he can throw it in a pot and burn it..yeah ok because that's going help us in every way imaginable..so then i tell him "when you do these things to me it makes me feel like you don't trust me if it makes you feel any better i will go to the bank in the morning and get a bank statement and he can go over everything if that will make him feel better...well then he still wouldn't stop..and gives me some line of b/s telling me that these are all the things i said i would change.!?!?! THERE IS NOTHING TO CHANGE IN THIS AREA HELLO..I HAVE DONE NOTHING...
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:32 PM on Dec. 9, 2008

  • (cont again...) I told him I would change the fact that when we get into an argument i talk down to him..or at least he thinks so...so then I tell him you know if this is how things are going to be and how they are going to continue to be..maybe i should just walk...and then he gets all pissy and cries and then does his little.."i can't breathe help me up freakin' deal"..but yet the other day he is the one who told me he was leaning toward divorce...NOT ME...and well to me I honestly think he is looking for an excuse to get rid of me..hell idk..someone just help me..give me advice on what i need to say to him .
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:33 PM on Dec. 9, 2008

  • Passive aggressive, much? him. no tyou. let him "fall" a couple of times, and then tell him when he really needs you, you will be there. But when he is just acting out for attention, you will let him get into and out of his own mess.
    TempestRayne

    Answer by TempestRayne at 7:48 PM on Dec. 9, 2008

  • Marriage counseling is needed, but that is obvious right? Not getting along because of money is not a legitimate reason for divorce, at least not in my mind. Get into counseling right now and check out this book and read it together with your husband, if he won't, you read it and apply it's principals. I guarantee that if you give it an honest effort your marriage will be in a completely different place in a few months.

    Love & Respect by Emerson Eggerichs
    feesharose

    Answer by feesharose at 8:09 PM on Dec. 9, 2008

  • It sounds like you are both pretty immature when it comes to dealing with money and with each other. These certainly don't seem like issues that can't be resolved and I certainly don't think they should evoke the "d" word. That word is not allowed in our house. That means you always know you're going to stay and work it out, however long it takes.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 8:26 PM on Dec. 9, 2008

  • My husband of 22 years acts this way, always has! I go to counsling because of this! I have anxiety because of this!! If there are no children in this marriage get out now!!!!! REGRETS, REGRETS, REGRETS!!!!!!! He will never change and you can't change him! You will change before he does and drown in pills!!!!!!!!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:59 PM on Dec. 9, 2008

  • well wow what a crazy incodent crazy well i have to say that i have read all the other answers and i dont agree with most but i am going to be very honest after all that is what you need. see these are my thoughts. no people dont change but what we as women seem to forget is that men even though they dont seem to care they stress differently let me guess money is tight? well honey i dont think you should go your seprate way i think that you should try to talk calmly because when men feel that they are being "bitched" at they turn in to aholes right. well this is the thing you have
    bleedingheart25

    Answer by bleedingheart25 at 9:38 PM on Dec. 9, 2008

  • feelings and thats your right to feel how every you do but he has to realize that the streese you have are the same as his mabe more se men stress about money we stress about everything even money. what i have learnt is that money is the root of all evil and you really need to just try to work through it as a team not individually its hard on both of you. but him freaking out on you is NO GOOD i'm sure you told him off cuz i would but my hubby and myself are going trough money problems and we stress and fight and you know but in the end we are in this mess together and you both need to think
    bleedingheart25

    Answer by bleedingheart25 at 9:40 PM on Dec. 9, 2008

  • that way thats why you guys made the choice to be married love is a great thing it does have its ups and downs but thats what living with a man is about right. lets just face it you guys are ok as long as he doesnt hit you or hurt you but just ride it out cuz marrage is a great thing and you guys love eachother so just try if that doesnt work try councelling use the "d" word as a last resort only when things are so awful that your starting to hate eachother then when that happens you need to go your seprate ways. i hope i gave you some advice you needed to hear. just hang in there.
    mandy
    bleedingheart25

    Answer by bleedingheart25 at 9:40 PM on Dec. 9, 2008

  • The line that stand out to me is ........which ok.the only time i ever go out is when he is on midnights or afternoons..i have never left him sit at home by himself ever..and i always ask if he wants to go when he is off and i get the "no i don't feel like it"...line of b/s Sounds like you have your priorities mixed up. He's home why not spend time with HIM. Spend time on him. Try putting him before all your drama and b/s.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:26 AM on Dec. 10, 2008

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