My almost 11yo daughter has some behavior issues. They were really bad for awhile but since we moved here I thought she had been behaving better but we still have issues with blatant defiance, backtalking and her thinking she can do whatever she want and ignore rules.
Today I got up and she was already "dressed" for school. Dressed meaning she was wearing a shirt (possibly clean, possibly not), her sister's dirty jeans and flip-flops. I told her to change and that she wasn't wearing her sister's jeans to school since her sister just wore them the last 3 days and had splashed in every puddle on our 2 mile walk home from the school yesterday (their brother had a music presentation last night and I don't have a car). I also don't allow them to wear flip-flops to school. It's not technically against the rules but they've asked kids not to wear them because they aren't safe for running in when at recess (not that I think she runs or anything, I'm sure she just stands around) but it's my rule.
She screamed at me, demanded to know why she had to change and argued with every reason I gave her. Then she wanted to know if she could go to some party after school with a friend (they're in 5th grade). I told her no since she argued and hasn't done any chores in days. So then she threw a fit and wanted to know why she should change if she can't go to the party (this is her typical behavior for everything--she demands rewards for doing simple things she should just do like brush her teeth, brush her hair, etc, she refuses to do most of those things).
I told her she was going to get a spanking (last resort when she refuses to behave) if she didn't go do what I told her and her friend was standing right there. She just smirked at me, daring me to actually get up and spank her. As soon as I got out of my seat she ran and locked herself in the bathroom and refused to come out until she had to leave for the bus stop. I had gone to get dressed and when I came out of my room she was gone.
According to my 5yo she was still in her flip-flops and hadn't changed.
Just wondering what kind of punishment this behavior would get in other houses. She doesn't have much to take away (she's long since lost her DS, doesn't have a TV/radio/phone/computer in her room and isn't even allowed to use the computer, she's already had the xbox taken away, doesn't play with toys anymore) and is constantly grounded for one thing or another so that it doesn't faze her any more. She drives my blood pressure up. My other 3 kids behave rather well. They have their moments but usually they just do as their asked/told with minimal whining (usually the biggest fits are because they have to pick up the slack when the 11yo refuses to do chores or because they have to do chores while she sits there pouting).
This isn't about the clothe she wore. This is about her blatant disregard for rules and outright disobedience because I made it very clear that she needed to change and why.
Answer by attap5 at 11:33 AM on Jun. 3, 2011
Answer by Kimedbs at 11:37 AM on Jun. 3, 2011
Answer by ShelbysHope76 at 11:46 AM on Jun. 3, 2011
Answer by MrsLeftlane at 11:53 AM on Jun. 3, 2011
It sounds like you have allowed her to have too much control. She should not get away with refusing to do anything you ask. If she won't obey stay right there until she does. Don't cave! She is used to you giving up so it may take her awhile until she gets the point. If my daughter had pulled that I would have gone and gotten her from school to make her listen so she doesn't think she can get away with just running away and going to school. I know you have mentioned not having a car to use before though. One of my 11 year old twins locked themselves in the bathroom once when they were younger and my husband told her that he would just take it off the hinges to "help her get out". He would have and she knew it. She came out and apologized. I also think that it is not a good idea to have your other kids help with things she is refusing to do. Holy resentment Batman! Good luck and stay consistent.
Answer by Luuckymommy at 12:07 PM on Jun. 3, 2011
Answer by michaux at 12:16 PM on Jun. 3, 2011