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Can it be changed??

my BF came home from from being away working for a couple of days. He had taken a pic of a tree in his aunts yard were he had carved our intials (so cute). His 9yr old asked to see the pic then looked straightat him and said "I hate you" he asked her why and her answer was "because your an idiot and I can't stand you"...... this is common for her. her mother was really verbally abusive to her dad as well as physically. she is starting to follow in her footstep. can anyone give me any advice?

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imagen4me

Asked by imagen4me at 1:34 PM on Jun. 3, 2011 in Tweens (9-12)

Level 3 (15 Credits)
Answers (11)
  • Of course it can be changed. You need to establish some boundaries. You don't describe what, if anything, was done after this took place? A punishment? A discussion?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:36 PM on Jun. 3, 2011

  • U need to make it stop now!!! U need to punish her! Tell her to stop acting disrespectful!!! It will not be tolerated! Every time she has a smart mouth on her, send her to her room! Take away the t.v. and the computer!
    dancer

    Answer by dancer at 1:37 PM on Jun. 3, 2011

  • she was upset because she wasnt included in the initial thing on the tree, I think he needs some serious counseling with her,,she is just feeling alone, and neglected.
    kimigogo

    Answer by kimigogo at 1:39 PM on Jun. 3, 2011

  • she is probably incapable of handling all of the emotions that go with her dad being in a relationship with someone other than her mom... its very difficult for children and she needs to learn constructive ways of expressing her emotions
    elizabiza

    Answer by elizabiza at 1:39 PM on Jun. 3, 2011

  • First you should find out WHY she is acting this way. To me, it sounds like she has jealousy issues over her dad. Or it could be that her mother is poisoning her a little bit. It's probably best for her dad to talk to her mom too. Her father should be the one disciplining though, not you. But yes, she definitley needs a timeout. He should let her know that language like that is not acceptable for a lady and that she needs to show him respect.
    Shanna84

    Answer by Shanna84 at 1:40 PM on Jun. 3, 2011

  • I'll add that my fiance's daughter used to get like that when she was younger. She would throw a fit that he was her daddy and belonged to her and then she would slap at him. I think sometimes it happens when step parents come into the picture.
    Shanna84

    Answer by Shanna84 at 1:43 PM on Jun. 3, 2011

  • Obviously there was more bothering her about the photo than she said, but for whatever reason she is more comfortable lashing out than talking about it.  I'm going to guess that she was feeling a bit jealous that her father did something sweet while thinking about you, instead of her. 

    I would recommend that he try to find some little ways of showing her more attention so she doesn't feel left out, and if she and her dad haven't been to some kind of counseling about the past abuse, I think that's a very good idea, too. 


    I also highly recommend this book:  http://www.amazon.com/How-Talk-Kids-Will-Listen/dp/0380811960  It has great advice on how to get kids (especially at that age) to open up and talk about what's bothering them. 

    Eek_a_Geek

    Answer by Eek_a_Geek at 1:51 PM on Jun. 3, 2011

  • I can say that my BF and I have known each other for years. our children have grown up together. Her mother was very abusive that was a big part of thier divorce. I hope that there can be help. When it comes down to the point where I step in it all stops. She doesn't yell at me or hit me that same as she does her dad, she actually will calm down relatively fast, but it kills me to see her do this to him and I try not to step in to fast and give her the feeling I am trying to take over.
    imagen4me

    Comment by imagen4me (original poster) at 2:01 PM on Jun. 3, 2011

  • You need to tell him to STEP up and dicipline his child show her its not ok to act like that, find some dvds relating to behavior problems for children that help show them its wrong to act that way and i would suggest therapy this is the time to stop that behavior if it doesnt stop its scary to think how shell be as a teenager.
    alexareh

    Answer by alexareh at 3:30 PM on Jun. 3, 2011

  • I agree. HE needs to be the one to command the respect. HE is the one that needs to prove to her that he will love her no matter what.
    emmyandlisa

    Answer by emmyandlisa at 5:47 PM on Jun. 3, 2011

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