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2 Bumps

How to make my husband understand his teens need chores!!!

I am a stepmother to teen girls, who have no responsibilites what so ever!!.......I argue with my husband all the time that they need to have chores, and responsibilites. I am always cleaning and picking up after them and him, and no one ever helps out. When ever I argue with him about it I feel that he sides with them, and never has my back as to why they should have chores, and responsibilites. He says I over react..........I am like hello I am tired of this crap, they are old enough to pick up after them selves, its just stright lazyness. When I finally give up and go on strike cleaning and cooking dinner, I am called lazy.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 6:12 PM on Jun. 3, 2011 in General Parenting

Answers (9)
  • Stop cleaning it up, once they see nothing is getting done for them, and that you refuse to be a doormat, then maybe they will get the idea. If you and your DH don't become a united front your marriage is going to suffer, if it already isn't, and then you will have much bigger problems. I hope things get better...
    MrsLeftlane

    Answer by MrsLeftlane at 6:40 PM on Jun. 3, 2011

  • IDK so here is a bump. I came from kind of an opposite thing. My husband (boyfriend at the time) thought my daughter (who is 14) was lazy and spoiled and straight up told me so. So we started slow because I wasn't used to making her do stuff. Started out with her room, then picking up after herself, then rinsing her own dishes and leaving them in the sink to rinsing her dishes and putting them in the dishwasher, then doing the litterboxes, and just now we taught her how to do her own laundry.
    emmyandlisa

    Answer by emmyandlisa at 6:41 PM on Jun. 3, 2011

  • stand your ground, for dinner let them eat off paper plates, cups, silverware. Laundry.. if its in the basket great.. if not, guess it doesnt get washed. room cleaned, shut the door. they can sleep in a mess etc. If they want friends over, then they can clean there room. Hubby don't like it then he can clean up after them.

    If you never set responsiblities for children then how are they going to mature, grow, strive in the world, learn responsibility, cooking, cleaning, etc.
    kkbird

    Answer by kkbird at 6:44 PM on Jun. 3, 2011

  • go on strike again and do NOT let them change your mind. only take care of you and onyone that is unable to take care of themselves, .like a oung child.
    caljones

    Answer by caljones at 6:46 PM on Jun. 3, 2011

  • I wouldn't pick up after them.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 7:27 PM on Jun. 3, 2011

  • family counseling maybe? my mother went on strike once and the house ran smoother during that time because we could then go about our business without the nagging and telling is we were doing whatever it was wrong. Such as 'you're hanging up that shirt wrong' or you didn't do this or that right.

    you could go on strike again, but don't be too surprised if it's not taken seriously. Sounds like they don't now.
    ItsMe89

    Answer by ItsMe89 at 8:34 PM on Jun. 3, 2011

  • Time for mom to go on strike. Do not bend....stand your ground! Nothing gets cleaned, picked up, washed or thrown out. They will figure it out.
    khedy

    Answer by khedy at 12:47 AM on Jun. 4, 2011

  • I would take a weekend 'get away' by myself and leave hubby and the girls alone for the weekend. Maybe if hubby is the one who has to see the mess, cook the meals, do the laundry for a few days he will see that his girls need to start taking some responsibility around the house. If that is not an option.... then you could always do what I do-- if the kids do not pick up their mess (like toys on the floor, clothes) I bag up the toys and put them in the attic for a few weeks.... with hubs stuff I bag it up and then dump the bag on his computer desk or chair.. so then he is forced to deal with it. You could try bagging the stuff up and then 'hiding' it... and when the girls complain about an item that is missing pretend to be puzzled and say "gee, I have not seen it. If you had put it away like you are supposed to you would know where XXX is."
    MizLee

    Answer by MizLee at 2:22 AM on Jun. 4, 2011

  • It sounds like you are living in a home of disrespect. I can relate, but on a little different level. My husband's daughters are grown, but when they come over, they still treat this home as if they still live here. I can suggest a few things, and my first thing is to tell you to just stop! Don't do anything for a few days, and if he calls you lazy, then my response would be, if I am lazy, what are you and your kids? Let him know you are not the maid, (you don't get paid, do you?), and you refuse to do anything else around the house. Everyone lives there, everyone eats there, so everyone should help there! Let them know until everyone starts pitching in and doing the chores you have posted, you are on strike! Make a weekly "chore" list and post it on the refrigerator and include your husband too. When they don't do their chores, there are consequences, which means taking away privileges - phones, tv, computers, etc.
    Lynda-Lou

    Answer by Lynda-Lou at 10:31 AM on Jun. 4, 2011

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