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Cry it out or is it wrong

my son hates bed time to the point he sits in his crib and screams and crys ive been trying to let him cry it out to sleep but i also heard its wrong to do that what kinda advice can you give to help thank you


Asked by tjmommy2010 at 8:29 PM on Jun. 3, 2011 in Toddlers (1-2)

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Answers (14)
  • When baby enters toddler-hood they get a firmer grasp on cause and effect. To get my older son to stay in bed (he was closer to 24 months) I would do the "super nanny" technique- only say good night, child's name, I love you" the first time you put them back in their bed. The second time say only good night. Any time after that say nothing. We pit my son in his bed over and over (15+ times) one night and it's been pretty good ever sense. I don't know if this would work for 17 month olds and crying, but might be worth a try. A 17 month old is much emotionally different than a baby, but they still need love and support. Good luck:)

    Answer by bloomsr at 9:05 PM on Jun. 3, 2011

  • I would never just leave my kids to scream, but to let them cry for up to 10 minutes, then go in and calm then down then try again I have no problem with.

    Answer by missanc at 8:31 PM on Jun. 3, 2011

  • I did a modified CIO with my kids once they hit about 9 months old. I would do our regular routine then put them in bed. They would fuss for about 3 minutes then I would go in a reassure them, never picking them up, just a pat on the back and a kind words, then they would fuss for 4 min, then 5 min... no longer than 10. Never to the point of screaming. There is a difference in crying/fussing and hysterical screaming. My DD went thought a phase again at 3 not wanting to go to bed and we would allow her to scream it out. She was being absurd! She was competently verbal and just 'not tired' 'hates her room' That was different then an infant who is just learning to calm themselves to sleep.

    Answer by But_Mommie at 8:38 PM on Jun. 3, 2011

  • Babies thinking that if they "cry long enuf mommy will come and save them..." yeah. That's the way baby's communicate. They cry in hopes that their mom or dad (or whoever) will help them. Babies are not manipulative and they aren't trying to trick you into holding them. Everything in the world is new to a baby. Often they need comforting. If something you choose to do to your baby breaks your heart, then don't do it! In a few months babys are toddlers and they begin to become reasonable. Until then, help your baby when they are crying.

    Answer by bloomsr at 8:45 PM on Jun. 3, 2011

  • Cry it out. It breaks my heart every time. But I know if I were to go back in a try to calm them, they would think that, if they cry long enuff mommy will come and save me'.
    It is not wrong, believe me. My husband told me to let them cry it out, I felt it was wrong, then I did my research. And feel a 'little' as ease.
    It confuses them when you try to let them cry it out then try to comfort them{That's wrong}.

    Answer by Fantasystar at 8:34 PM on Jun. 3, 2011

  • thats what i think it hurts to see him cry not wantin to sleep but every time i go in i make it worse and we do this up till about 2 in the mornin

    Comment by tjmommy2010 (original poster) at 8:39 PM on Jun. 3, 2011

  • and he is 17 month

    Comment by tjmommy2010 (original poster) at 8:40 PM on Jun. 3, 2011

  • I agree with But Mommie and Fantasystar. When someone told me to let my son CIO I got upset. But then I did some research and found out the same things. Going in to "save" them is bad for their little heads. So I would let him fuss a minute and then go in and pat his back and calm him down, give him a kiss and walk out. Eventually he figured out that Mommy was there for him but was not going to pick him up and "save" him. It worked like a charm after the light bulb went off in his head :)

    Answer by MommyManyHats at 8:44 PM on Jun. 3, 2011

  • i think some has it wrong im not abuseing my child or makeing him suffer he is a toddler one years old and this only happens at night i do go in and check on him but what im saying when i do it just gets worse like he thinks ok mommy came in looked at me and thats it no im screaming more to get her back in here

    Comment by tjmommy2010 (original poster) at 8:57 PM on Jun. 3, 2011

  • I'm with Fantasystar, But_Mommie and MommyManyHats. I also did a modified CIO. I would put my child to bed and give them 5 minutes to soothe themselves. If they were winding down at that 5 minute mark I let them be for another 5 minutes, for a total of 10 minutes. At the end of 10 minutes if they were winding down or making an occasional noise I let it go. If they were still screaming I'd go in and comfort and calm them down. Also, if at any time, their screaming changed from a protest to the situation to a full out scream of anger or fear I was in their room picking them up before I registered I'd moved.

    My kids are now 4 and 7 and are perfectly able to get themselves back to sleep in the middle of the night and they are NOT serial killers, or even budding serial killers. They ARE very loving, kind, compassionate, highly intelligent, little people that light up my world.

    Answer by Rosehawk at 9:08 PM on Jun. 3, 2011