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Grandfather is being abused.

Help. I thank all who have come to read this ahead of time. I have a grandfather who has totally had his health gone down the toilet within the last 10 years. He has been falling for the past 5. He is 74 years old. Has alzheimers, and some form of dimentia, sits in a wheel chair all the time, can hardly walk straight, doesn't talk much. To put it in few little words, he is basically an amoeba. He has had an innumerable amount of visits to the E.R. because of FALLING. Has had many stitches, scars but has managed to luck out of having concussions, hemmorage, etc. Anyway, my grandmother has REFUSED to put him in an elderly dimentia home because of her antique/auction/bargain shopping ADDICTION. We have told her to put him in a home many many times. I would think with the amount of times he has visited the same E.R. the protective services would be after her! She doesn't know my feelings on it but I would like to know what I can do about this! I just know one day HE is going to DIE from falling when she is NOT watching him. I'm surprised he hasn't already. She is not doing her job. She is careless.Selfish.Cold. Abusive to sum it up. Suggestions?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 12:16 AM on Jun. 4, 2011 in Health

Answers (9)
  • You are critical of her. But where are your parents, aunts and uncles. Where are you and your cousins. Why don't you do more to take care of him. Why is the solution to stick him in a home?

    Answer by tootoobusy at 12:21 AM on Jun. 4, 2011

  • You can call protective services yourself. You can request to be anon. And they can look into all the hospital visits he's had and why he was there. When we get old we regress physically and mentally back to an infant. Sounds like your grandfather is already there. And for him you need to call. Don't feel bad about it just do it. It will feel worse if he passes and its because he was neglected

    Answer by myownhappiness at 12:37 AM on Jun. 4, 2011

  • Is he so far progressed in his dementia that he cannot say what he wants for himself? Does he want to be in a home?
    I'd be careful about interfering; you're talking about depriving her of her husband in the sunset of their lives.

    Answer by judimary at 12:48 AM on Jun. 4, 2011

  • As his wife of course he wants him home....would you want to put your husband in a nursing home...maybe someone needs to sit and talk with her about spending more time at home keeping an eye on him or get somebody to sit with him while shes away...i would hardly call this abuse

    Answer by suhweetness at 12:55 AM on Jun. 4, 2011

  • It's not abuse. When folks get old, falls do become more common, especially when he's suffering dementia and Alzhiemers. She is not abusing him. And I don't think it's your place to try to take him out of his home and away from his wife.

    Answer by judimary at 1:23 AM on Jun. 4, 2011

  • Call Elder Abuse and have them investigate.

    Answer by meooma at 8:13 AM on Jun. 4, 2011

  • Its honestly probably not abuse, but the cause of his fall does need to be looked at. Is the house unsafe (throw rugs, no safety devices, things out of his reach, ect). You as a family need to address this issue. Just because you fall is not a reason to have to be put into a long term care facility, patients fall there all the time too.

    Who is his POA? You need to voice your concerns with them and not term it abuse,,, Let them know you are concerned and maybe you could look into home health care. Its hard to care for an adult all by yourself, his wife may be unable to do it fulltime and needs some help.
    In the meantime, you yourself can step up and help with his daily care. Be near when he is getting in and out of his wheelchair. Help him to bed and the bathroom if needed. Prepare them a meal, so they are getting proper nutrition.

    Answer by darcibeisheim at 10:26 PM on Jun. 4, 2011

  • Yikes. I hope some of you take the time to educate yourselves on elder abuse. And instead of telling this poor lady to butt out because it's none of her concern or actually blame her for not taking care of him herself, she should be commended for being the only person in the family who's finally putting this elderly man's needs above their own.

    As soon as you finish reading this you need to call 1-800-677-1116 for an eldercare locator or go to which is the National Center on Elder Abuse and it has all the information you would ever need. You can call anonymously. This is textbook elder abuse and you have an obligation to keep your grandpa safe. Good luck.

    Answer by PTmomma3 at 4:19 AM on Jun. 5, 2011

  • Thanks PTmomma! :)

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 12:47 PM on Jun. 5, 2011

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