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Is this tacky, or should I continue on as planned

I just landed this great job. I also, in the winter, graduated from college. Me and my husband want to celebrate.
So here's why there is drama, or attitude about this.
I took a break from being super buddy buddy with my friends for a couple years, just so I can buckle down and get school done, and then find a job. One of my oldest friends, I'm 22, she's 25 and I've been friends with her since I was 4, when she was my neighbor. She would put indirect comments, or passive aggressive comments on facebook about friends, meaning me, shouldn't be there just when it's convenient, you should make time.

I would ask her about stuff and she would be really short or ignore me. SO I just ended up not talking to her, just didn't want someone telling me what I need to do when I had so much on my place. My son is 4, and I have a baby `15mos too, so I have my hands full with everything and more.

I was going to invite her but when the topic came up about a celebration dinner, she said it was tacky. I asked whats so tacky about celebrating a new part of my life? I just want to share it with people I care about because I realize how much I have checked out over the last 2 years. I really only had energy for me, school, and my immediate family.

Anyway convo ended on a sour note, so I was thinking maybe she really thinks this, but I don't so I want to still haven't, but I guess the real question is if I should invite her and her family? (*she has no kids, I was going to invite her, her brother, her boyfriend, and her parents)

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 5:48 AM on Jun. 4, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (18)
  • Well I think her attitude is probably coming from a place of hurt. While I completely understand you had alot on your plate, most of us do, and you probably had little time for others, but I dont believe anyone has no time for very close people outside of family no matter how busy you are, your limit would be more limited of course and less frequent but time should still be taken, and too completely cut someone out that you have been life long friends with would be extremely hurtful for her. I also have a life long friend and I can not even imagine doing that to her, we all ahve hectic lives, some more than others but if someone is important to you, you make the time. CONT:
    Princess_s21

    Answer by Princess_s21 at 6:30 AM on Jun. 4, 2011

  • CONT: Kind of reminds me of my Mother trying to contact her cousin last year, this cousin is always busier than everyone else, in her own head anyway, my Mother tried to call her for 3 weeks, left messages, no reply when she finally called and realized my Mum was callign to tell her my Dad had Cancer, she immediately starting crying and had to hang up and call back, she apoligized for being so self centred and caught up in her own goings on that she didnt make the time...........I know this isnt your situation but I think its a lesson we can all learn from not to forget those close to you and that you never know what can go wrong and when, so if I was you, I would invite your friend and her family and no I dont think its tacky to have a celebration dinner at all, I do hope you can salvage your friendship and spend some time together to discuss what happened and how you both feel or felt etc. Good Luck with this!
    Princess_s21

    Answer by Princess_s21 at 6:35 AM on Jun. 4, 2011

  • Not tacky at all! Sounds like she's just jealous that you're doing so well.
    tspillane

    Answer by tspillane at 6:36 AM on Jun. 4, 2011

  • I agree with Princess. It does sound like she's hurt, and she's trying to make herself feel better by hurting you. Just try reaching out to her, and telling her you're sorry that you've been so out of touch.
    Good luck, and congrats!
    MedicMommy

    Answer by MedicMommy at 6:42 AM on Jun. 4, 2011

  • Oh, and no, it's not at all tacky to have a celebration dinner
    MedicMommy

    Answer by MedicMommy at 6:43 AM on Jun. 4, 2011

  • I do not think a celebratory dinner is tacky, but I will have to disagree with the other posters. I think TRUE friends would understand that over the course of a person's life, priorities change. Reading your post, you mentioned that you gave her opportunities to "air out" what was bugging her and she either was short, or ignored you. I don't feel like you should have to beg a "friend" to tell you what's wrong. I have a few friends that also have a lot on their plates and we understand each other and know that we don't have to be "super buddy buddy" and talk on the phone every day or go out every weekend. From what you say, it sounds like she's being very immature. If she doesn't want to share with you the bug that's up her butt, but will share it on FB, then no, I would not invite her. I don't think it makes you a bad person. You've just moved on with your grown-up life. True friends would respect that. Cont:
    DMac08

    Answer by DMac08 at 7:04 AM on Jun. 4, 2011

  • Best of luck, and congratulations.
    DMac08

    Answer by DMac08 at 7:04 AM on Jun. 4, 2011

  • I am not sure how much you cut her from your life. I would have the dinner and not include her. It would not be appropriate to invite her since she thinks it is tacky. By the way the people that love you will not think it is tacky.
    tootoobusy

    Answer by tootoobusy at 7:07 AM on Jun. 4, 2011

  • It is absolutely not tacky to have a celebration dinner.

    And as a mom that just finished her degree with a 4 yo and a 2 yo, I completely and utterly understand that you didn't have time to always be there and needed to concentrate on school. Luckily, being a slightly older mom, many of my friends have families, and having gotten out of the military recently, they were used to my not being around.

    Sure, she probably is hurt...but honestly, its for her snarkiness to have lasted this long, thats a bit sad...so it probably is a big dose of jealousy as well.
    thalassa

    Answer by thalassa at 7:09 AM on Jun. 4, 2011

  • No, not tacky. Good luck and congrats!
    .MommieAJ.

    Answer by .MommieAJ. at 7:26 AM on Jun. 4, 2011

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