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Question for divorced/separated moms....

I'm going through a divorce, and it's almost time to start the legal custody agreements. As of now, my kids are with me all but one night a week (Saturday). For those of you who have at least half-time custody, what are the details of your arrangement? I'm just curious what other moms have done :)

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:52 AM on Jun. 4, 2011 in General Parenting

Answers (9)
  • It depends are you talking shared 50/50 or joint. If they are with you all but 1 day it sounds like joint not shared. We do every other weekend and 3 weeks in the summer non consequetive (sp?) and split the holidays. We have a bunch of things in the other like no over night guests of the opp sex unless related by blood or marriage. Police help with pick up if there is a problem they can help.; Specified time to drop/pick up in public location. No bad mouthing. No question asking. No messages sent by kids. Clothes provided by parent (no sending clothes etc he has to have his own there send back what they were sent in). Optional 1 night a week dinner if he is in town. He can see them for 1 hr on their bday if it doesnt interfere with party. No out of state trips unless agreed to in advance and things like that.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 10:02 AM on Jun. 4, 2011

  • Oh and first right of refusal. Basically that means if hes working he cant send them with a sitter or leave them with a gf or step mom without first asking me or my parents if we want to babysit first.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 10:03 AM on Jun. 4, 2011

  • This is hard on all parties involved but this is what usually happens. Every other weekend they become his if he wants them and then you split Holiday's and depending on their ages he might get then for 2-6 weeks in the summer.
    If you are a good Mother and he doesn't fight you for custody they should remain with you. This is not always the case my ex son in law fought and won custody of his son we fought and won custody of my stepson.
    Good luck and as hard as it will be when they are gone look for things to do to keep your mind occupied do things you've always wanted to do but never had time to do.
    Moms_Angels1960

    Answer by Moms_Angels1960 at 10:05 AM on Jun. 4, 2011

  • gemgem put alot of good things in there for you to consider
    Moms_Angels1960

    Answer by Moms_Angels1960 at 10:06 AM on Jun. 4, 2011

  • MomsAngel is also right but let me add if you are too hard and ask too much you can lose custody too. I was found a fit and proper parent but I was a total bitch who didnt want to bend for my ex and my son lives with his dad now. He is coming back to live with me now, but as a punishment to get me to understand what the NCP goes through the judge did place my son with his dad for a period of time. So what i listed is general stuff, dont put things in there like I dnt want his mom seeing my kids, or he isnt allowed to take them fishing or anything silly. Be business like. It is about whats best for them not the hatred you feel for him or he feels for you. If he screws up and acts badly towards you then thats on him. But act business like. You dont want to end up losing custody for a year so a judge can teach you a lesson, and it DOES happen now days.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 10:13 AM on Jun. 4, 2011

  • My ex has every other weekend and every other Wednesday night from afterschool until 8. He also has one week/month in the summer (June, July, and August), and we switch off holidays (this year he has Easter, July 4, and Christmas; I have Memorial Day, Labor Day, and Thanksgiving; next year we switch).
    I never had a problem with my ex having someone of the opposite sex overnight - nobody else was stupid enough to be with him! - but if I had it to do over I would put that in there, just in case.
    Our custody arrangement states that the preferred method of communication is email, that way everything is in writing (yes, I keep a copy of every email received/sent), and you don't get in heated arguments as much, or at least the kids don't hear.
    It also states that nothing is to be said to the kids, and as hard as that is, it's better for the kids.
    missanc

    Answer by missanc at 10:24 AM on Jun. 4, 2011

  • good lucki have mu kids all the time he comes when it is convient for him to get them and that might be once every month so i really dont know how that will work for u but good luck!!


     

    budda646

    Answer by budda646 at 12:20 PM on Jun. 4, 2011

  • I have full custody of Dd, dad can come visit anytime he wants, but he lives in FL we are in NY, so last time he came was back in 2009.
    cholita1978

    Answer by cholita1978 at 2:00 PM on Jun. 4, 2011

  • We have "joint" custody but the kids physically live with me 100% of the time. The papers say he gets to take them out to dinner once a week and overnight two weekends a month (so far the weekend thing has NEVER happened and he opts out of the weeknight thing a lot, too). He takes them for a week in July and a week in August. We share holidays. I have never denied him the opportunity to visit them. It's pretty relaxed.

    1smartcookie

    Answer by 1smartcookie at 11:04 AM on Jun. 6, 2011

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