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7 Bumps

Stay or go?

im divorced. my current dh and i had a really huge fight. he was verbally abusive and then said some really horrible things about my 2 kids. things a sailor wouldnt say! im also 5 weeks pregnant. this isnt the first time either. i took the kids and went to my moms for a little while. there is also an issue with alcohol. he gets his best material after he drinks! he wants me to come back and doesnt think he has a problem. my son seems relieved that were not there right now. do i go back do i stay? can someone actually change that drastically? i also think if i werent pregnant he wouldnt care if i came back. my kids have been through so much and i dont want to go back and be in the same situation in 3 months. i need advice!!

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:55 AM on Jun. 4, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (17)
  • GO... the whole situation just sound horrible
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:56 AM on Jun. 4, 2011

  • go it sounds like a huge mess, I of course don't know all of the details, but do you want to have a baby and raise it with him? I don't know mamma,,so sorry!
    kimigogo

    Answer by kimigogo at 10:57 AM on Jun. 4, 2011

  • Coming from someone who divorced an abusive alcoholic if you have left stay gone. They don't change so easily. Quit putting up with his shit. If not for you do it for your kids.
    treynlisa

    Answer by treynlisa at 11:01 AM on Jun. 4, 2011

  • Go. Aside from being verbally and possibly physically abused, saying shit about your kids should be the last straw.
    Shanna84

    Answer by Shanna84 at 11:02 AM on Jun. 4, 2011

  • I'm not seeing how this should even be a question in your mind. There is no way I would let someone talk crap about my kids like that. Your kids shouldn't be raised like that - they're not going to thank you when they're grown for giving them a 'dad' who treated them like that as innocent children.
    Ginger0104

    Answer by Ginger0104 at 11:06 AM on Jun. 4, 2011

  • you should stay away from him for the time being. this is not healthy for you or the kids. you deserve to be respected. i know it is hard being a single mom in this economy but you and the kids need to be safe. if you decide to give him a 2nd chance you need to give him an ultimatum -he needs to get help for his drinking and also get counseling as a couple and separately- on how to be a better husband and father. if he refuses/ rejects the counseling- i suggest that you move on. good luck
    gwen20

    Answer by gwen20 at 11:07 AM on Jun. 4, 2011

  • If it were me I would GO!!! I'd NEVER stay with a man who is verbally abusive to my kids, add his alcoholism into the mix..... NOT a good combination!! Put your kids (and unborn baby) first and don't go back to him!!! The only way he will ever change is if he wants to, and he attends AA meetings, AODA (alcohol/drug counseling) treatment, and individual therapy for anger management. And even then with therapy and alcohol/drug counseling the road to recovery and staying sober can be a long and difficult struggle and there is no guarantee that he will stay sober and not go back to this behavior/lifestyle.
    MizLee

    Answer by MizLee at 11:19 AM on Jun. 4, 2011

  • Get a hold of your local women's safety and resource center. They should have so resources for you and especially him. Tell him (and mean it) that he has to go to treatment, if he don't go you don't go home. This is something that should take months and months not weeks. No one changes over night, it's a long process. But definitely get a hold of someone, if nothing else someone to talk to, but definitely don't go back. It's just like giving into your kids it tells them they got you in the palm of there hand. 


    I am also only saying this is if he is a good guy without the booze, if he isnt' just stay away but still call.

    mommy-perks

    Answer by mommy-perks at 11:31 AM on Jun. 4, 2011

  • No changes. No going back! He's a grown man and needs to get help if he has a drinking problem. You deserve better than this and your children sound tired of it too. They must really "feel" all the stress and tension to be so relieved where you're at right now. Nope. No change...no going back. I wouldn't. I don't believe in living in negative situations like that because I grew up in just that!
    KellyGirl_TX

    Answer by KellyGirl_TX at 11:44 AM on Jun. 4, 2011

  • If he's verbally abusive now, what happens when that's not enough for him to get his anger out? He most likely will start taking it out on you or your kids. Get out now before it gets worse.
    marine_wife0520

    Answer by marine_wife0520 at 11:47 AM on Jun. 4, 2011

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