Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

1 Bump

Really PIOG

Really?

At the risk of sounding like a stuck up prude, I need to ask a question. I admit that we are all different, have different parenting style etc, different ideas of what is appropriate yadda yadda. I am also aware of a mothers right to raise her kids as she sees fit. Having said that, my question is, do you think that there are certain things you can do that will influence how your child turns out as an adult? Or, do you think it really doesn't matter, they will become who they are destined to become regardless of education, back round, economic status what have you?

Last night my children and I attended a church festival. There was a Latina woman who was less than skinny, wearing spandex pushed to its very limits, wearing hoop earings as big as frizbee's and carrying a bedazzled cell phone and a playboy bunny purse. She had her two sons with her, ages about 5 and 6. These boys were wearing flat billed hats, big gold chains with crosses, baggy shorts, leather high top shoes and Lil Wayne T-shirts.

Here is where I as a prude enter...
I am sorry, but I cannot help but feel that these boys are having a lifestyle set for them that can only lead to destruction. If they were 13 and picking out their own clothes, ok well still not my choice, but at least they aren't being forced to wear it.

I felt really sorry for them. I get it, I do, that we are all different, but don't you think that some parents seem to go out of their way to set the bar low. How many educated people do you see with that "ghetto" look? Excluding entertainers (don't get me started)

I can listen to Lil Wayne all day long, but sorry, by little ones will NOT hear a song called Pussy Money Weed.

Ok, let the bashing start.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:54 AM on Jun. 4, 2011 in Parenting Debate

Answers (12)
  • I definitely think that there is a tendency to "under judge". You can't judge anyone based on their beliefs OR their actions, apparently. Far be it from me to judge someone based on things outside of a person's control, and I am sure I'll get bashed for it just like you, but people really do some dumbass things with their children. Yes, I get nobody is perfect, but when your errors turn into a lifestyle, its no longer an "imperfection".
    Mom-2-3-Girlz

    Answer by Mom-2-3-Girlz at 12:16 PM on Jun. 4, 2011

  • big deal...so you don't dress like that ( or your kids are only dressed in Gymboree?). their life; not yours.
    who's so say who is in 'error'?? i'm sure neither of you are Mommie Perfects.
    dullscissors

    Answer by dullscissors at 1:29 PM on Jun. 4, 2011

  • I don't think a clothing style determines their future, no. The mother should probably be a little less... provocative, but the kids are fine. My son has some "goth" clothes. Does that mean my 6 month old will one day become evil and try to take over the world?
    kit_manson

    Answer by kit_manson at 1:56 PM on Jun. 4, 2011

  • I understand what you are saying here. That style has a certain mental image that goes along with it and it's not one I would want for my child. And, to answer your question, I don't know ANYONE who is an everyday educated person and wears the ghetto look, and yes, I think there is a reason for that. My kids don't have top of the line everything, nor do they dress like poor white trash. There is a happy medium, but the kids like you described won't know what that is since they are raised to think that what they are wearing is the norm.
    scout_mom

    Answer by scout_mom at 3:32 PM on Jun. 4, 2011

  • Looking at your main question, not about that specific family - yes, how a child is raised will directly influence the adult they become. Look at all the generations raised in hate, taught to despise people based on skin color or religion or both. All those people didn't spontaneously come to those ideas on their own as adults. They were ingrained from childhood.

    As for that specific family - one sighting is not enough for you to know if what you assume on one look is how they're being raised. Is it likely? Yes. Is it a given - not at all. Wearing a LW shirt doesn't mean they've actually heard LW. My son had star wars toys and clothes long before he ever saw ANH. Was she dressed inappropriately for her surroundings? Yes, but is that because she choose to or because that's all she had available for whatever reason? You can't know if you don't know her.
    NotPanicking

    Answer by NotPanicking at 3:53 PM on Jun. 4, 2011

  • I already snaswers but were already predestined to be the people we are going to be. That little boy whose mom was wearing clothes that maybe were not befitting might be the next President. The girl playing the piano everyday because her mom wants her cultured might be the next welfare mom with 10 kids. You never know. You should never judge someone based on their upbringing. My mom was only the first gen born in this country and shes worth more than most people I know. So is my dad. Who knew when she was living in a trailer with her 4 bros and sisters that tilted when you all were on one side she would be who she is today? I am sure there were people who judged my grandma who only had a 3rd gr education too. She was am immigrant. But you know what? It isnt about how we dress, or where we are from, but who were are inside.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 4:56 PM on Jun. 4, 2011

  • How many educated people do you see with that "ghetto" look? Excluding entertainers (don't get me started)


    You excluded many entertainers with the bolded words...lol

    matthewscandi

    Answer by matthewscandi at 6:11 PM on Jun. 4, 2011

  • I do agree with you ... everyone DOES have a judgement on other people... most of the time it is how they look ( I mean isnt that what 99% of a first impression is) ...

    I can bet you anything that with a mother who dresses in public like that, and lets her young sons dress like that, well that is setting sort of a limit for them.... BUT that is not saying she isnt a good mom ( which I know you was not saying that... ) ....

    I mean if you saw this woman for a job interview would you hire her or would you want her working for you ( as in if her boss seen her out like this ) .... would this be a woman you would want around your children , certain things Do make you judge one another ...

    I mean if someone saw me out in a super cut off jean shorts, a plaid tied shirt, cowgirl boots, pigtails and a few missing teeth, and my children barefoot with overalls on...... I dont think one person would ever think " i bet one of h
    2lilbumblebees

    Answer by 2lilbumblebees at 12:18 AM on Jun. 5, 2011

  • **** " I bet one of her children will, one day be president of the USA " , you would assume we lived in the country ( probably in a trailor) ... and that is because of the way we dressed.
    2lilbumblebees

    Answer by 2lilbumblebees at 12:20 AM on Jun. 5, 2011

  • Generally I think the way kids are dressed determines who they are going to hang around with, and who they hang around with generally determines what type of stuff they are going to spend their time doing. Yes, sometimes kids who are dressed decently get in with the "wrong crowd" but it happens more often with kids who are dressed that way to begin with. First impressions matter, no matter how much people would like to deny that they do.
    missanc

    Answer by missanc at 8:08 AM on Jun. 5, 2011

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN