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SO's mom is disciplining my daughter in my presence...how do I deal with this?

I'm not what you call "friends" with my SO's mother. We had a falling out a few years ago, and now I'm merely cordial with her. I see her here and there.

When we are together with her, she tends to correct my three year old, and it really bothers me. I'm sure she probably doesn't realize she's doing it, but it still annoys me. My position is this: when the parents are present, THEY are the ones to dole out the discipline, not the grandparents or anyone else. SO and I are the ones to do it, not her.

How should I approach this? I don't want to start another "war" with her.


Thank you.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:26 PM on Jun. 4, 2011 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (15)
  • Trust me it is better than having the grandparents who constantly contradict you ' No it's fine I told her she could have 6 oreos since this is my house and grandma's aren't supposed to say no to their grand babies' 'save' them when the are being corrected 'It's okay sweetie did mommy hurt your feelings? I'm sorry she put you in time out.' .
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:28 PM on Jun. 4, 2011

  • It sounds like your more annoyed with her presence then her disciplining your child due to your prior history with her .
    mari2120

    Answer by mari2120 at 2:36 PM on Jun. 4, 2011

  • It takes a village to raise a child. She pobably doesnt mean any harm. What is your kid doing?
    Zarviemom19

    Answer by Zarviemom19 at 2:29 PM on Jun. 4, 2011

  • I don't thin kit is that big of a deal. I think you are letting your feeling towards you MIL bow this out of proportion. I would love it if my MIL actually helped me correct my kids rather than saying they are perfect angels and never need any kind of correction at all. I should let them 'be kids' Now when I go to my moms I can relax for a while for once because I know my parents will enforce the rules and not be little my efforts to teach them how to behave.
    But_Mommie

    Answer by But_Mommie at 2:36 PM on Jun. 4, 2011

  • i don't think your example warrants getting pissed off at your SO's mom. it seems harmless, on her part.
    dullscissors

    Answer by dullscissors at 2:31 PM on Jun. 4, 2011

  • I knw where you are coming frm. My MIL does the same shit and it pisses me off. Me and DF had to come to her sit her down and tell her straight out, "These are our kids, we will discipline the way that we feel is appropriate and needed." She didn't really listen, until I started to stop her when ever she would try to discipline or contradict me.

    For example, my 2 yr old was throwing food on the floor, MIL told my DD "oh don't throw food on the floor, that's not good." And my 2 yr old did it again, MIL tried to tell her something, I got up got in between DD and MIL and said "I'll handle it, and I told my DD, If you throw food one more time I will take your food away and you won't eat."

    And just yesterday, I yelled at my 3 yr old for throwing blocks at me, My MIL picked up my 3 yr old when I was about to send her to time out. This pissed me off. So I took my DD away from my MIL and sat DD in time out. These are my kids.
    styhmMommy

    Answer by styhmMommy at 2:37 PM on Jun. 4, 2011

  • It's hard not to have that irritation when you've already had a falling out anyway. I would limit her to what she gets to correct. While you are present, any time outs should be given from you only. And during times your mil feels she wants a say so, I'd finish it. Like with eating the stickers, after she said no more stickers I would've taken over and said to my child honey we can't eat stickers that's not what they're for and explained and if I wanted to give my child back the stickers I would. If she just says stuff in front of you I'd just make it as casual as I could to jump in with ease and take over how you want to handle the situation. If things get worse or she does put your child in time outs or anything else then I'd have your so have a discussion with her. Try not to look at it as an attack towards you, sometimes I take it that way and that's not the case at all. Maybe she feels stupid if she doesn't say anything.?
    Naplesmommy03

    Answer by Naplesmommy03 at 3:16 PM on Jun. 4, 2011

  • have your SO tell her its not her responsibility to discipline/correct your child. if they are misbehaving, she needs to bring it to your attention, so you/SO can handle it. and if its behavior she doesn't condone IN HER HOME, you must handle it.
    if he won't do this, then you should, tactfully. if she continues to ignore your request, then limit their exposure to her.
    dullscissors

    Answer by dullscissors at 2:28 PM on Jun. 4, 2011

  • Well yesterday she was eating a sticker, and before I could even say anything to her, SO's mom says, "Well you can't have anymore stickers!" Really? Since when does she get to decide that? That sort of thing.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 2:28 PM on Jun. 4, 2011

  • We were in public...
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 2:29 PM on Jun. 4, 2011

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